Only One Regret

“I don’t know how I got here” I say as I lay alone on a strange bed in a lonely small room. It has been a long day, nothing good has come out of it. I get up and decided to take a shower, the bathroom clearly has not been cleaned in some time. There are used towels, mold, and shit stains everywhere. Normally I would be disgusted, but im so tired and filthy I simply need something to wash the sweat and blood off of me.

I undress, my clothes are shredded and stained by the blood of my wife and son. I throw them in the trash with the intent on never setting sights on them again. The shower is lukewarm at best, I stare down and can see the blood and grim flow into the drain. I stay in the shower for as long as I can take it but eventually the lukewarm water turns icy cold and I can no longer stand it.

I exit and see myself in the mirror; im fat, unshaven, and sad. Just a few hours ago looking at myself in the mirror would have been a challenge. I was never a fan of my physic or my natural face. Yet, as I look into the mirror now I cannot stop staring. Neither my body or my face upset me, but my eyes are disgusting and I cannot look away. I see the eyes of a man that has done a terrible thing, I see the eyes of a man who still cannot realize what he has done.

I begin to think back to what lead me here. Not even two weeks ago everything was fine, nothing was particulary great but it was life. I though we were happy, but everything changed so fast and somehow I ended up here, staring at myself naked and horrified.

I was coming home from work, I work as a security guard for a bank in my town. It is nothing amazing, but I get good benefits and an above average pay so I was happy. There had never been any huge bank robberies, at worst an annoyed customer would get in people face and I would need to escort them out. The job gave me satisfaction and a paycheck, what else could you ask for. My wife, lenore, works as a teacher in a high school. She focuses mainly on math but she loves working with the kids. We were both happy and making money for our home and saving for our kids college fund. Tyler was only four years old but we had some pretty high hopes.

When I got home, I noticed the door was ajar. I immediately was worried. I tried not to let my mind overthink, ir could easily have been my son playing or my wife moving stuff but there was nothing outside and my son was no where to be seen.

I entered my house loudly asking where everyone was “Lenore! Tyler?”

There was no answer, I tried a few more times and got no response back. I began to check the rooms, drawing my gun as I slowly sweeped the area. Nothing in the living room, kitchen or any of the bathrooms. I was very worried, the basement was the last place to check. I swung the door open slowly and their was a man pointing a gun directly at my heart. He told me “Slowly lower your gun onto the floor or I shoot”

I stood there and did nothing. I was not about to let him do as he pleased. As a few seconds passed he quickly shifted and pointed his gun behind him aimed at my sons head. He said again, much louder “Slowly lower your gun onto the floor or I shoot your kid”

This time I did comply, it was over. Whatever it was he wanted he got it. I told him “Look, take whatever you want from the house, my wallet, my car whatever just please dont hurt my son”

The words immediately brought a smile to the mans face " I dont want any of that, I want you and I want her”

He shifted is vision to my wife, tied up against the washing machine. She had clearly already been through a beating, her clothes were ragged and stained with blood and sweat. My mind began to wonder how long had this man been here, how long has my wife and son been down here.

In truth the answer to that question never mattered. The man tied me up along with my son and spent the next two days doing unspeakable things to my wife and son. He did not sleep and did not allow us to sleep. He ate in front of us as he starved us and never spoke another word. The first few hours we pleaded and bargained to be let go for him to stop doing what he was doing but none of it mattered. Eventually everyone was silent, no sound was made besides when he beat us.

Eventually the cops came, but the damage was already done. My son was barely alive, the starvation as short as it was took its toll. My wife was nothing, physically there was not a clean peice of skin that had not been bruised or cut, but it was her eyes that made me realize how much was taken.The man did not care for getting caught and went with the cops silently. The rest was a blurr of questions and statements that the cops had me give. With almost nothing to give them and the man already caught I was let go along with my son.

We were given a room in a nice hotel, we simply could not go back to whatever was left of our home. My wife stayed with the police a bit longer and was eventually taken to a hospital for her injuries. My son and I visited whenever possible but no words were said. I am not sure if she blamed me, but I certainly did. I had failed at the most important job a husband has, protection of the family. I never looked into Lenores eyes again.

A Week passed. We have a new home, the paperwork is still being filed but its a start. My son is back in school, my wife is back at work and I am still doing my job. On the outside nothing has changed, but my wife cries every night and I have nightmares of the event. It haunts me in the day and night. Nothing helped, not church, not therapy, the best we could do was ignore it. I quickly realized this was not an option.

One night, in an attempt to take my mind off of things I took a boiling hot shower. Nothing changed, my mind was still full of the horrid things I had saw. I excited and avoided my reflection, I put on some pants and a shirt and found my wife asleep on the couch. For the briefest of moments I thought everything was going to be ok, time will pass and I will sleep soundly one day. And then she twitched, and a horrid face grew and she cried out in pain, all the while still asleep. That brief moment of hope was gone, I needed to help my wife, I needed to protect her, I could not fail again. In a near mindless state I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and did what needed to be done.

She layed their dying, still asleep but I knew I had helped her I had set her free. In retrospect it was much easier than I thought. The hard part was what came next. I went upstais to my sons room. Like my wife he was fast asleep, but there was no look of horror simply sadness. Tyler had not smiled once since the incident and I knew that things would only get worse. Tears came to my eyes as I ended my beautiful sons life. Blood splashed on me but I did not care.

I exited the home, I knew I would never go back. Driving away, getting the room I remembered none of it. As I stare into my eyes in the bathroom of this empty room I am filled with only regret. Not that I killed my family but that I had not killed the man when I had the chance. And now I wait for whoever to find me and take me where I will need to go.