Why Crawl when you can Fly?

A girl with short dark hair and a pale round face sits sprawled on a secluded park bench under the shade of ancient trees. She is wearing beige trousers and a white shirt. There are dark circles under her hazel eyes. Her clothes are crumpled. Far away there are sounds of children playing, ball bouncing. In her hand is her cell phone which she is constantly glancing at. Every time there is a message she straightens up, but then slumps back into the seat.

She rolls her legs forward, sighs, calls a number on the phone. Her voice is anxious.

GIRL: “Hello darling, why didn’t you didn’t reply to my message?”

Man: (on the phone barks), “You lost your chance. I told you.”

GIRL, in a desperate tone: “No, please listen, I’m sorry I will try harder. Tonight…”

MAN: “Forget it, no more chances for you, Mariam. You are not worth it.”

MARIAM (voice trembling) “I’m doing so much for you, Adil. What more do you want?”

ADIL (laughs loudly) “Best joke ever! Says the woman who is selfish and has never cared for her boyfriend.”

MARIAM: (shouts) “What do you want me to do to prove my love for you? Jaan dein doon?? (Give my life?)

ADIL: “Haan, dey do! (Yes, do it). But you are not capable of it. You don’t even know what love is.” He cuts the line.

Mariam looks at her cell phone helplessly. Far away a child shouts with laughter. She looks into the distance, a look of yearning on her expressive face. The sounds die out and she is left in silence. She reaches towards her handbag, puts the cell inside and takes out a bottle of water, takes a sip. Looks down into the bag as if seeing it for the first time, rummages inside and takes out a small bottle. Unscrews the cap and looks at the pills inside. She takes a deep breath, starts tilting the bottle into her hand.

“You know you are wasting your time.”

Mariam starts at the voice. An athletic woman walks towards her with confidence, she is wearing a magenta T shirt and black track pants, her auburn streaked hair tied in a high pony tail and she is wearing designer glasses. Mariam starts back, her hand curling around the bottle.   

WOMAN: “Don’t be scared. I just want to talk to you.”  

MARIAM shakes her head. “Go away.”

WOMAN: “They say misery loves company.” There is a smile in her voice.

MARIAM looks at her in disgust. “What part of go away do you not understand?”

WOMAN: “That’s better. I like you feisty.”

MARIAM turns her back on her, putting the bottle back in her bag.

WOMAN: “Talk to me.”

MARIAM: “Why?”

WOMAN: “Why not?”

MARIAM: “I don’t talk to strangers! Hell, I don’t even talk to my friends or family.”

WOMAN: “That is part of the problem.”

MARIAM whips around in fury. “What’s your problem, lady? Go back to your perfect life.”

WOMAN: “Don’t judge a book by its cover, my dear girl.”

MARIAM looks at her, her gaze travelling over her sculpted body and oval face. “You wouldn’t understand, lady.”

WOMAN: “My name is Maya.”

MARIAM starts. “I’ve always loved that name.”

MAYA smiles, sits at the opposite end of the bench.

MAYA: “Bolo. (talk).”

MARIAM: “Kiyun? (why)”

MAYA: “Because I want to listen to you.”

MARIAM: “I don’t want to impose on you. And anyway I have made up my mind.”

MAYA: “To do what?”

“I don’t need to tell you.” Mariam glances at her handbag furtively.

MAYA leans closer. “You know what Muhammad Ali said?”

MARIAM: “No, but I’m sure it’s a cliché!”

MAYA raises an eyebrow.

MARIAM “Because all you know are clichés, Madam.”

MAYA: “Muhammad Ali said, it’s not the mountain up ahead that exhausts you. It’s the pebble in your shoe.”

MARIAM: (defiantly) “So?”

MAYA: “Take out that pebble from your shoe and throw it as far away from you as possible.”

MARIAM jumps to her feet. “How do you know about Adil? Were you listening to us? Jeez, you are a stalker!”

MAYA smiles. “Tell me about your life.”

MARIAM: (shouting) “There is no life!”

MAYA: “I know you want to end it, but why?”

MARIAM: “Because it’s useless! I’ve lived my life in vain.”

MAYA: “There is always hope as long as you are alive.”

MARIAM: “There you go with your clichés again. Give me a break.”

MAYA: “I feel so bad for you.”

MARIAM: “I don’t want your sympathy!”

Maya crosses her arms and leans back into the bench. Mariam keeps standing. There is silence. Mariam shuffles back to the bench, sits and draws up her legs, perching her face on her arms.

MARIAM: “He constantly undermines me. Nothing I do for him is enough!”

MAYA: “Like being graded for a Maths school test.”

MARIAM: “Worse.” She pauses. “If that’s possible.”

Maya chuckles.

MARIAM: “We were so in tune. But then it started changing.”

She hesitated. Cleared her throat of the lump that was clogging it.

MAYA: “Go on. I’m listening.”

MARIAM: “He changed. Adil encouraged me to do anything that made me happy. But then he became possessive and clingy. And so insecure. He didn’t want me to go out and be with my friends. I had to always be available for him. And if I was busy when he was free, there was hell to pay.”

She paused, trembling. There were tears streaking her face.

MAYA: “It’s ok, don’t tell me more. I understand…”

MARIAM: “No, let me speak! I’m so tired.” She ran her fingers through her short black hair. “I even got an expensive hair cut in the pixie style he told me to get. But he hated it. Told me that it did not suit me one bit.” She laughed without mirth. “And this was the same guy who told me when we met that I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.”

MAYA: “Why do you look for validation from him? Do what makes you happy.”

MARIAM: “How can you understand? I tell Adil if you are sad, I am sad too. Your happiness is my happiness.”

 Maya winces.

MARIAM: “I have to say that! It makes him happy, and it’s true.”

MAYA: “Then why is he not happy?”

MARIAM: “My life revolves around him. 24/7. I try to please him… But he says it is all my fault.”

MAYA: “What is your fault? You are trying so hard.”

MARIAM turned to face her. “Funny you should say that. That’s what I think too. But he says I am not trying hard enough. I am not coming up to his expectations.”

An older couple walk past, holding hands, in step with each other. Mariam gazes after them wistfully.

“That’s what I wanted. An equal partnership in which my man was always there for me.”

MAYA: “It’s never too late..”

MARIAM: “No, my time is finished. There’s nothing. Nada. Kaput.”

MAYA: “This too shall pass.”

MARIAM groans. “And here you go with your clichés again!”

MAYA stands up. “Mariam, as long as there is life, there is hope. Don’t ever forget that.”

MARIAM jumps to her feet. “How do you know my name? Did I tell you?”

MAYA: “Yes.. don’t you remember?”

MARIAM: “I am so tired.. I can’t sleep, I can’t remember anything. I am so tired of telling him that I love him and he is the best person in my life. He even complains that I give more time to my father.” She starts sobbing.

MAYA puts her hand on her shoulder. “You will make it, Mariam. I need you to make it.”

MARIAM: (in a muffled voice): “Why?”

MAYA: “Because I won’t exist without you.”

MARIAM stops crying, draws back from Maya, hiccups. “Ok, that’s really weird, lady.”

MAYA laughs. “It’s true. So be careful with that life and who you keep in your life.”

MARIAM: “Are you a psycho?” She looks around carefully.

MAYA: “Look at me.”

MARIAM steps back, tries to reach for her handbag.

MAYA: “I am You.”

MARIAM: “You are demented!”

MAYA: “I’m your future self but I can only exist if you allow me to, Mariam.”

MARIAM: “You can’t be me! I hate exercise. I would never wear hot pink! And I hate streaked hair.”

MAYA: “Strange how people evolve, Mariam. Some people stay stagnant like a pool of water while others become streams and rivers. You know which one you are but you need to give yourself a chance.”

MARIAM steps closer to Maya, stares at her face, “You.. you have my eyes.”

MAYA: “Get rid of that pebble and shine. You know what Rumi said?”

MARIAM: “Uff, when did I get so interested in quotes?!”

MAYA laughs out loud: “Rumi said, why crawl when you can fly?”

MARIAM nods: “That’s deep, I’ll give you that.”

The phone rings. Mariam takes it out of her handbag. “It’s Adil.”

MAYA: “Don’t pick up.”

MARIAM: “Why?”

MAYA: “Because he will ask why are you still alive.”

Mariam stills, the ringing phone in her hand. Maya walks over to her, takes the phone and puts it back in her purse and takes out the bottle of pills. “Be strong, Mariam, think of this as the first day of the rest of your life.”

MARIAM: “And here you go with your clichés again!”

They laugh. The phone stops ringing.