Hear that? It's the sound of a breaking heart.
I stare at my phone and my eyes burn with tears as I read his text.
haha yea i was with her last night...srry bout that
I don't even care anymore, right? Tears stain my cheeks and redness spreads through my face. Automatically, I get my answer. I do care.
He could have been anywhere else but he chose to be there with her. "Everyone deserves a second chance." The number of chances he's gotten is uncountable. That quote isn't always true.
I take a shaky breath in and remember all the lies he has fed my mind.
I can't live without you.
No one can ever replace you.
I could almost hear the false note in his voice when he said that, but I decided to ignore it. The pain builds every time he hurts me, but I still miss him. This is just one of the reminders that he isn't really in love with me. I'm the only one in love.
Why don't I just leave him? He's a liar and a cheat anyway. I'm just scared to be lonely I guess. I don't want to be alone. It terrifies me just thinking of it. If I leave, will I find anyone else? What if they're worse than him?
Questions fly through my mind as I open my front door and a cool breeze greets my face. A fresh walk seems like a good idea.
My phone buzzes once again and I see a text pop up.
I can't respond. My mind is frozen, my heart is damaged, and my fingers are too irritated by him.
My mind floats to a place before he had so many "friends." A place where his love wasn't fake. I wonder if such a place exists. Jealousy is my only companion during times like this. Pain helps me with a tight hug.
I miss his cute glances at me. I miss his warm hugs. I miss him but how can I miss something that was never mine? How can I miss something that never happened?
Three years and he's still the same; I told myself he would change. That he would care about me, but it's been the same cycle after all this time; happy, hurt, hurt some more, then repeat.
I met him on a bright Wednesday afternoon. I was babysitting my cousins and had taken them to a little ice cream shop. He was sitting in a corner biting off his pink ice cream. "Who bites off their ice cream?" I asked as I gave a sweet giggle.
He looked up from his phone. I hadn't known he was so cute when I made the joke. I could have sworn my face had turned into a tomato then. He laughed and with a smirk told me that it was normal to do that. That was the moment I knew what a real crush was.
If I had known that was the start of a heartbreaking three years, I would have never even step foot into that ice cream shop.
The park seems like a good place to go to. I stroll through the streets and see a lady pushing a stroller. She gives a generous smile and says "good afternoon" as she passes by. I smile back. I think she might have noticed my glassy eyes.
Looking around I can see the reddish leaves hanging from the trees. Just one more push of the wind and they'll sink to the ground. Just like me.
Come on maddie.... she's just a friend
I stumble a little as I read this. His lies are so sweet and pretty. He only shows me love whenever he's had one too many drinks. It's not real. Love isn't real.
Why do I feel like a doll getting played with? Am I just one of his girls?
I take a seat on the bench farthest from the playground and see a bunch of little kids scattered around. Their smiles blooming just like a rose bush. I feel like I'm the thorn.
That's the problem. I'm here. Wherever he wants me to be I'll be there. I leave his text alone and watch the clouds. If I could choose where I wanted to be, it would be the clouds. They look like coconut-flavored cotton candy.
Those words sting a little. It's just like when a bee stings. At first, it doesn't hurt but when you understand, it starts to swell up.
I can feel my fingers losing grip of his love. They have burns and buries on them. The cuts are deep and shallow. Why can't I just let go?
I have to fix this. Did I hurt him? Is he crying right now? I grab my phone and start typing an apology when something catches my eye. A white jersey with his last name printed on it. My heart starts to race.
I wipe my eyes with my rough red sweater, so my vision isn't blurry anymore and look straight ahead. It's him. He's walking side by side with her.
I'm surprised to see him. I thought he would be dead by now. Shouldn't he be? Did he lie again?
My anger rises and I rush to stop him. He might have seen me from the corner of his eye because he quickly separates his hand from hers. He smiles nervously at me. Even if the anger inside me grows, I can't help noticing how mesmerizing his perfect eyes are.
They both have cones of ice cream. Her's is white and his is pink just like the one I saw in the ice cream shop. I can hear the crack in my heart grow.
"Hey!" he says.
"You said you can't live without me!" I scream with rage. Now the tears come back again and everything is buried at once. I know it sounds dumb, but I say it anyway. "So why aren't you dead yet?"