Guitar Jesus

"Hey look! It's Jesus Christ"

The small crowd around him laughs as he makes fun of my long hair and beard, as usual. My boss allows Stan the Entertainer, as he styles himself, to do his street performances outside the music store where I work. The owner of the store thought it would be good for business. It does guarantee there are always people on the sidewalk in front. There are even more now that I started to be part of the act. I’ve come to enjoy my role. It’s a rush, and I even show up for my job early in order to perform.

“What are you here for Jesus? What you got planned? Who’s getting saved today?” Stan mocks me.

We’ve done this routine so many times before, but it always seems fresh and free flowing because we just play off one another like old friends. It’s hard to believe I didn’t know him till he set up shop in front of our store a few weeks ago.

“I’m here to save the world through the power of love and music. To drive out the Devil with my magic guitar” I thought I would try something just a little different this time to keep him on his toes. I’m now standing a few feet from him and put my guitar case down.

“Now hang on there just a minute Jesus.” He is reaching into his bag of props and pulls out a rubber Satan mask which he stretches over his head as a few in the growing crowd cheer.

“Get thee behind me Satan.” I respond to hoots and cheers from the onlookers.

“There’s not that much room behind your fat ass. You need to go on a diet, son of God.”

“Thou shalt not mock the Lord they God, Lucifer. I’ve come to spread the love of God while you spread venereal disease and drug addiction.” I respond as a few of my usual cheering section start to softy chant the name Jesus. How’s he going to come back to that, I wonder?

“Ah, two of my favorite things. Sex and drugs, but you left out rock and roll, Guitar Jesus. With all your skill as a musician, surely you’re tempted? Doesn’t your holy guitar desire the fame and adoration of millions?” He reaches into his prop bag and comes out with a toy guitar. Strutting the sidewalk as if he were Mick Jagger he sings the words to Sympathy for the Devil.

“Please allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of wealth and taste. Been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul and faith.” Many in the growing group of onlookers are singing along as best they can to a few muffled shout outs to the King of Darkness. Stan knows how to work a crowd.

I wasn’t expecting such a quick musical challenge, and hadn’t seen the little guitar in his bag of tricks before. Music was my thing. I am the real guitar player here. Summoning my imagined inner Jesus, I consider that age old question of “What Would Jesus Do?” So I bend down, take my guitar out of my case and stand up while pulling the strap over my shoulder. As he finishes the Stones song to thunderous applause, I am quick tuning my guitar. When the noise quiets down I begin my response.

I start off with All You Need Is Love by the Beatles, a sure crowd pleaser. They’ve all heard it before. I’ve got them moving, swaying, and clapping their hands. Half way through I switch to George Harrison’s song called My Sweet Lord. It’s not as popular, but still resonates with many of those older people standing around. Finally, I finish off with the old gospel tune called He’s got the Whole World in His Hands, and the audience goes crazy as I stop. Some are chanting “Guitar Jesus, Guitar Jesus!”

He looks a little stunned, but only for a minute or so. Then a light bulb seems to off in his head and he starts singing a song by INXS with the appropriate title of The Devil Inside. His usual rooting session is going wild. At the end of his performance, he seems to think that he has won the contest today. People are tossing coins and paper currency into his bucket with wild abandon.

However, I’ve been saving the best Jesus song for last. I start playing the Norman Greenbaum song called Spirit in the Sky. Even though I can’t reproduce the famous fuzz base line on my acoustic guitar I do a pretty good rendition anyway. Besides, it is easy and I’ve always loved the song.

“Prepare yourself, you know it’s a must. Gotta have a friend in Jesus. So you know that when you die, He’s gonna recommend you to the Spirit in the Sky”

As my song ends, it seems clear from the audience reaction that Guitar Jesus has won the battle of the heavenly bands. The eternal struggle between good and evil. Between Satan and God. Stan doesn’t mind. On some days, the outcome is different. Either way, the money flows in.

I pack up my guitar as the crowd starts to thin a little. Standing up I say a few last words to my fans before departing for my real job.

“Thank you my friends. I must be off to attend to my Father’s business. Remember to always love your fellow man as you love yourself. Love is what it is all about. Also, if you are interested in buying a guitar or any musical instrument, please come in to the store and we can help you. I am always available for guitar lessons as well.”

Stan is packing up as I head in to work. I know he will be coming in to the store in a few minutes before he leaves and offering me a portion of his take today. He really is a nice guy who enjoys performing for the small amount of money he gets. I always turn down his offer because I think that’s what Jesus would do.