Control Is Everything

It started off as it usually did. Looming shadows, a single red door, and her running. Running from what? Leda didn’t know, she never caught sight of it. But every time it rushed closer and closer, shrieking laughter piercing her ears, flames licking at her heels, and jagged claws just barely missing her throat.

Legs pumping, heart racing, she sprinted to the only safety in this godforsaken place dodging a hit sure to take her head off. Sweat stung her eyes but she kept tearing forward, eyes locked on the bright red.

She wheezed as she slammed into the torn wood, quickly wrenching the door open flooding her vision with a harsh light. Leda gasped as she stumbled into the clearing looking around frantically, her legs shook and her feet bled against the scorched ground. She collapsed and heaved trying to catch her breath. Endless pines surrounded her, the trees absorbing all sounds of the night, the only noise being the quiet rasp of her throat. Dark soot smeared against her hands and under her nails as she tried to hold her weight up. She groaned and let her head drop, blinking at what used to be grass. Fuck, she had done it again. 

This was the sixth time she had woken here in as many days. Not only had she been waking up here but every time did, she had come to awareness with feet and face torn up and surrounded by footsteps seared into the earth. The lingering scent of carbon seemed to follow her everywhere these days. She choked as a flash of a smile, rough hands (worker's hands), and a house burnt through her mind. Gritting her teeth she pushed those thoughts away and hauled herself up.

Tears pricked her eyes as a laceration on her side stretched, weeping hot blood. She slapped a hand against it staunching the flow and packing some ground charcoal in. Was it sanitary? Absolutely not, but something needed to be done before she ended up dead on the side of the road. She staggered forward starting a steady pace home, it wasn’t too hard, all she had to do was follow the trail of black footprints. God, she missed her car whenever this happened, why couldn’t she sleep drive instead of sleep run? She was exhausted and the darkness under her eyes wasn’t just from ash.

Leda walked on, hands trembling and body shaking from the chill of dawn before finally stumbling upon the main road. She kept to the side of the pavement hiding behind nearby trees whenever a car rolled past. Leda grimaced, she really didn’t need someone reporting her to the police this early in the morning.

Wisps of hair clung to her face as she trudged home, a light breeze pushing on her back. She felt her throat closing as she thought about her dream, the shaking picking up again. God, what was happening to her? Phantom claws pricked her skin and she shook her head trying to rid herself of the feeling. Nothing was there, the dream wasn’t real, whatever it was couldn’t hurt her. But maybe it can, her mind echoed. It already has. Leda squeezed her eyes shut and took a shaky breath, she really needed to stop thinking about it, it was just paranoia. She had gotten these injuries from running miles barefoot and in pj’s through a forest, that was it. It was technically self-inflicted even if she had no real memory of it.

She squared her shoulders and walked up the steps to her apartment, eyes narrowing as she struggled to fit the key in the lock. Leda grunted and twisted the knob, grateful that she had worn her lanyard to bed. She swung the door open, rusty hinges groaning in protest as she walked in locking the door behind.

Time seemed to shift, with her somehow ending up at the foot of her bed collapsing face-first into the comforter. Leda needed to suck it up and get over the fact that this was her life now for the foreseeable future. No point in dwelling on something she couldn’t fix. They were just night-terrors, she’d get over them like she did when she was younger. They wouldn’t last much longer, she was sure of it.

A wet patch started to soak the comforter beneath her ribs and she sighed, shifting to push herself up wincing as several scabs burst open. First, a shower, and then stitches. Hot water pounded against her back as she vigorously scrubbed the grime from her body. Dark red dripped down her side pooling at her feet as she swayed unsteadily. Okay, she thought hysterically. Maybe running water on open wounds wasn’t the best idea. Leda stepped out of the shower, covering herself with a towel and putting pressure against the deepest wound with a washcloth. 

She quickly got dressed, deeply aware of her closing window, and throwing on shorts and a torn crop top. Leda stumbled over to the toilet and closed the lid, slumping down onto the cold porcelain. Her vision was starting to separate, going staticky like that old television they used to have. She fumbled with the now ruined washcloth against her side and gently removed it, blood sluggishly flowing from the gash. She gagged at the sight, the metallic tang stung her nose and she tried to blink the white spots from her dreary eyes. Everything was red, red, red. Her hands, her side, the figure in front of her- the figure in front of her? 

She jumped back and cursed, head slamming against the wall. Her vision swum and she started to see triple, her stomach rolled, nausea swelling in the back of her throat. Blink. A charred body stepped forward. Blink. Gone. Blink. It was reaching out to her and the face looked like- Leda’s breath hitched and she crumpled to the floor scrambling against the cabinets. 

The figure was drenched in dark gore. What was left of its shredded heart spewed blood onto itself and the floor, red splatters harshly thrown against white tile. Its deteriorated leg dragged against the floor as it limped closer, half of the corpse was covered in ash, fragments of ivory bone poked through decomposed muscle. A grating, jagged sound escaped its mouth as if it were trying to speak. “Le-... Leda…” She shrieked and pressed her palms to the wooden cabinet doors, heart rate skyrocketing. Blink. Forward. Blink. Another step. Blink. Why wasn’t it going away anymore? The smell of smoke permeated throughout the bathroom covering the stench of rot and decay from the figure.

It leaned down, broken jaw coming unhinged as stiff hands reached for her face. A singular brown eye bore into her own matching one, its other eye melted beyond recognition. Her hands were burning, her body was burning, the figure was flickering in and out of an inferno and she didn’t know if this was real. But it couldn’t be because she knew those eyes, knew those working hands, used to know that smile. Rough, singed skin brushed across her cheek snapping her out of her spiral and she screamed, the sound reverberating around her and echoed by the now wailing fire alarms. Her sight swirled, she could hardly breathe, her ears were ringing. It was too much, too much, too much damn it. 

Black smoke curled around her as she shakily slipped towards the ground, blood loss finally catching up with her. She coughed weakly, the corpse blurred as it flickered in and out of her vision and it slowly backed away. 

She lifted her head up, unable to stop herself. “Dad?” Leda croaked. It whipped its head around, blood and ash sent flying, and stared her down. Her face crumpled as recognition blazed in the undamaged eye. “I’m- I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to, I swear, please.” It shakily shuffled back starting to fade at the edges as it kept its eyes trained on her. “No. No, no! Come back- come back don’t leave me please dad, don’t leave!” She wailed as the last vestiges of his presence disappeared and melded into the wall. 

Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the blank wall in front of her, barely choking back her grief. Shrill sirens still blared and she groaned, shaking her head as she lifted her hands, blackened fingers trembling before her face. Fucking hell, she needed to get a grip. She knew if she looked back at the cabinets two suspiciously hand-shaped burn marks would be seared deep into the wood. Her landlord was going to kill her if the blood loss didn’t get to Leda first. Shit, the blood loss. She had officially run out of time to sensibly stitch herself closed, it was time for plan b. She pulled up her shirt to look at the gash and winced, she needed to work fast and shove down her reservations and get it over with.

She bit into her arm and breathed heavily preparing herself. It’s like ripping off a band-aid, don’t be a baby. You’ve done this before. Sure she’d done it before, just not since the accident. She closed her eyes and blocked out the awful alarm before counting to three, and lit her hand ablaze. White-hot fire curled around her hand and arm burning the tips even more, she barely spared it a glance before slamming it down on her ribcage.

She convulsed as her skin melted and fused together, agony arcing throughout her body. But still, she held firm, pressing her hand harder into the wound even as she bucked and sobbed, teeth breaking through the skin of her arm. The smell of burnt flesh wafted upward and she gagged, finally releasing her side, hands falling limp to the floor. Well, she thought deliriously. That’s definitely going to scar. She giggled, at least chicks dig scars. Her head lolled to the side and she snorted. She was basically Zuko if you thought about it, just a shittier version who was terrified of herself.

Leda grabbed onto the counter and pulled herself up on shaking arms, letting loose a string of curses as the new burn pulled. She’d need to bleach the hell out of this place with the amount of blood and charcoal that was strewn about from both her and her dead, possibly reanimated, dad. She stood up catching her breath and looked in the mirror and grimaced. Charred hands, blood everywhere, she looked like she just clawed her way out of a grave before getting hit by a car.

She turned around and glanced at the tile mouth dropping open. Where was all the blood? Sure there were a couple puddles here and there but nothing like what she saw. Did she really hallucinate the whole thing? But it was so vivid, and she felt it when he touched her. She shuddered, they were getting worse then. She stumbled to the door and pushed it open, the siren blaring louder as she neared it.

“Oh my god, please shut up or I’ll break you for a third time,” Leda growled at the stupid thing, snagging a pillow and fanning the smoke out and away from the machine. After a couple minutes the infernal beeping finally died off and she huffed, dropping the pillow to the floor. She walked over to the kitchen table and heavily sat down, sparks flew from her fingertips and she shook them off stomping out the embers.

Come on Leda, snuff it out. Fire can’t grow without oxygen. She tore at her hair, the pricks of pain grounding against the spurts of energy wishing to be released. Breathing in through her nose, eyes fluttering shut, she stuffed everything as far down as she could. Her hallucinations, her abilities, her nightmares, everything. She needed to get on with her day and pray she didn’t end up in the forest again. 

Hours passed by, dawn turned to mid-morning, to afternoon, to dusk. She mainly wandered around her apartment cleaning up from earlier and trying to work off the buzzing anxiety. Every so often her lungs would start to burn and she’d get hit with a coughing fit, plumes of smoke escaping past her lips and stomach twisting as she choked on the bitter carbon. Tears would sting her eyes as she kept suppressing, suppressing the inferno that threatened to engulf her whole. 

The exhaustion of the day started to creep up on her as the sky darkened. She grimaced, might as well get prepared for the eventual run, if her condition was getting worse she didn’t want to be caught unawares again. She changed into a thick sweatshirt and leggings and wrapped her lanyard tight around her wrist, yanking it a couple of times to make sure it wouldn’t come off. Leda sat on the edge of the bed and tugged her rust-colored converse on, she was absolutely not running barefoot again, thank you very much.

After tucking her phone into her pocket she threw the covers off and clambered onto the bed. Sighing she stared at the pockmarked ceiling, mind finally quiet. She grazed a hand over her newest scar, the bumpy ridges a familiar feeling to her. A tremor ran through her, all her abilities had ever brought was pain and sorrow, how could she continue a life that only seemed capable of destruction? She huffed, she couldn’t. Eyelids falling closed she allowed herself to succumb to the pull of sleep.

Before Leda even opened her eyes she knew where she was. The thumping of her feet and menacing shades clued her in pretty quick. She was running, again. Same red door, same otherworldly demon bullshit chasing her down. But something felt different this time, she felt more corporeal than before and instead of an empty expanse of black, there were actual obstacles. Trees, boulders, roots ready to trip her up and catch her unawares. Leda panted, sliding down a hill as she ran for her life the shrieking thing slamming against trees as it plowed towards her. 

Her heart and chest smoldered, fingers sparking in and out. Please not now, please. As if hearing her prayers and deciding to mock her, her fists instantly ignited, setting them aflame as she bolted towards the door. She was so close, just a couple more steps-

Leda yelled, vicious talons tearing into her shoulder muscles as it dragged her into the air and threw her to the ground. Her head cracked against the dirt, white stars bursting across her vision. God, what was up with her and head injuries? At this point she was going to have a concussion for the rest of her life. She cried out as a heavy beast fell on top of her, razor-sharp claws closing around her throat holding her down. 

Steel feathers coated the skeleton of a massive falcon, flaring eyes set deep within its chipped skull. It screeched, tilting its head down to meet her eyes. Leda wheezed as its talons constricted around her throat, further cutting off her air supply. Her hands sputtered and flashed before going out completely. Her heart beat so hard she was sure the bird could hear it.

“What- what are you?” Leda rasped. The falcon peered at her and seemed to blur, the claws holding her by the neck shifted into two scarred hands that lead to two arms that lead to an extremely familiar face. The face above her twisted into a sneer and leaned all of their weight on her throat. Leda scrambled at the hands digging her nails in as she tried to breathe gasping desperately, the person above her just cackled.

“You’re weak Leda,” her own face smiled cruelly back at her. “You have abilities that your kind haven’t had in centuries and you waste it, because what? You’re the reason so many people died that day? Because you killed your dad?” She flinched and her clone scoffed. “You were bred to be a weapon for the gods and nothing else don’t you understand?”

Leda shook her head, “no, I’m not a weapon, I’m-” The girl above her cut her off by pressing down harshly.

“Denial isn’t a good look on you Leda, we wouldn’t even be in this situation if you just. Gave. In,” she growled, punctuating the last few words by slamming her head repeatedly. “You have the power to cripple our enemies, bring nations to their knees, death is in your DNA.” 

Leda’s head rolled to the side, blood trickling down her neck as she fought to stay conscious. “You are nothing without us,” the girl- no, god hissed. “And if you can’t see that then I’ll just have to sacrifice that side of you.”

That certainly snapped her back to reality. She clawed at the god's face, kicking and screaming trying to dislodge her but the girl just laughed. She held Leda down, hand tightening even further and effectively crushing her esophagus. The girl smirked and leaned down next to her ear.

“Really, this is for your own good,” she whispered. 

The god set her hands ablaze.