Under the Weather

April 1, 2020 (night of)

It is one in the morning, and I am at my bedside writing this. Of course, I’d rather be sleeping, but these days it’s not so simple. A pen and spiral notebook in hand, I will begin to follow my doctor’s advice.

Today, after years of struggling to doze off and just get a restful night, I took a visit to a supposedly renowned sleep specialist, the absolute finest in the country. He suggested if I can find myself a nice journal and take 15 minutes every night before bed to write about the good things in my life and all that I am appreciative of, it will help me drift off into a slumber. He called it “Your Personal Sleeping Journal”. Of course I am skeptical, but he mentioned it will only be useful if I have an open mind.

It’s awfully difficult to even take pen to lined paper when my phone never seems to sleep either—just like the thoughts in my head. I have calls to answer, emails to respond to, presentations to put together, and papers to fish through as soon as I wake up in four hours, yet this idea only gives me bloodshot eyes and exhaustion in anticipation for the new day. I’m a busy man, doing many things, working many hours, I take the run-around home with me. There is no down time in my profession. Frankly, matters need completed, and I’m the one to do them on time and on point. Sure, the job is stressful and a never-ending cycle of buzzing around the city. However, it pays intensely; the hustle and bustle are definitely worth the hassle. You won’t see me complain!

If there were a tea or a prescription that could prevent the necessity of sleep, consider it sold. Heck, I’ll even endorse it—next to my good name, it’s guaranteed success! All night and every night, from the living room table, I hear my smartphone device ringing with calls, vibrating with text messages, dinging with emails, beeping with voicemails; I’m well-liked and a very famous man around here, I must admit! And yes absolutely, the fame and fortune are wonderful. I love seeing my name in headlines, fans ready to get autographs, photographers getting my good side, and luxurious baskets of food waiting at my desk every early morning.

Dr. Sleep, as I like to call him, also advised every time I wake up and cannot fall back to sleep, I should return to my journal and write it out until I am tired again. He proposed I’ll be sleeping better anywhere from a few days to a week. I will document my progress in here as well. I’d much rather fill an Rx and forget this ‘natural’ technique, but I pay for his recommendations, so I am going to take them (maybe with a grain of salt, who knows?). Maybe this is some sort of April’s Fools joke from my MD?

Good Night!

-Troy, 1:17am

April 2, 2020

Wow! I am surprised at how well I slept last night—almost like a baby! Either the sleeping journal is amazingly effective or it’s all placebo. I have not slept that well in years … kind of think of it, before becoming the hunky weatherman for Channel 6. But, I love my career and all its perks, thus I am determined to find a happy medium by maintaining my profession while improving my quality of sleep.

Now the problem I am forecasting (besides weather) is trying to snooze within a reasonable amount of time. Right now, it’s 12am, and I really got to go to bed soon, since I have a big day tomorrow—perhaps the biggest one in my entire small-town life. I’m interviewing to be on a national channel as a lead meteorologist; it’ll be quite an accomplishment if I can captivate the interviewer. All great weathermen know charm is what gets you on the big screen! If I don’t get any rest tonight, I’ll look dreadful, not a muscleman like on my itty-bitty local station. What can I say? I need my beauty sleep. I must look my best and be my best! This means catching my best Z’s. It’s only been a hot 6 minutes since I started writing this evening, but I really gotta’ shut my mind off and just drift away into a restful trance.

‘Night!

-Troy, 12:07am

OK extension – it’s 3:13am, and I managed to sleep for maybe a solid 45 minutes. I got up to use the bathroom and glanced in the mirror, and I scared myself! I appear truly tragic, and there’s no way when the remainder of my night will fix this hot mess. I have to get ready for my flight to my interview in three hours, and I’m unsure if I’ll look any better. I’m doomed, and now I’m wide awake. Maybe I should just stay up? Or, I’ll pop a sleep aid, and we’ll see how I my face is come morning. I’m a handsome dude, I take great care of my skin and hair, and I’m well-groomed, but no amount of makeup (yes, I use makeup, every TV guy does) will fix these bags under my eyes! Oh, I got it—I’ll wear large framed eyeglasses, but I don’t think I have any of those. I’ll buy a pair at the airport. Then they’ll think I had too much to drink at the minibar in my hotel room. What if I say I have really bad jet lag? But why bother to hire someone who looks subpar after every little plane ride when they could hire practically a model who is always looking sharp like a mannequin? This sleep deprivation is really starting to impact my confidence. I’m normally arrogant, yet this early morning I’m feeling unworthy. SNAP OUT OF IT. Just like women that need to look into the mirror and tell their reflection they are beautiful, strong, etc, etc, I’ll do the same, and then I’ll hit the bed again. The sleep aid will kick in by the time I’m done primping in the mirror.

Let’s try this again.

-Troy, 3:29am

April 3, 2020

I made it to the airport, took my flight, did my interview, and now I’m lying on the king size bed in my hotel room. I called Dr. Sleep this afternoon complaining his advice kind of sucks, and only worked the one time. The journaling last night was fruitless, and the sleep aid had the opposite effect. I literally used my elliptical for two hours in the wee hours of the morning before showering and heading to the airport. I really didn’t get any snoozing done. He enforced, aggressively I might add, that I have to write only positive journal entries, as that’s where I supposedly went wrong. He said no more sleeping pills! You don’t have to tell me twice, it’s not like they work anyway. I read him a piece of what I wrote last night, and he replied, “Stop tooting your own horn” and instructed me that he will “send me his bill in the mail.” Um, excuse me? Dr. Sleep is beginning to look like Mr. Scam. He better get his act together because I am his most note-worthy patient, so he should be giving me the most ground-breaking recommendations he can possibly give. Otherwise, I’ll give my money to his competition—like Dr. Slumber.

Sure, the interview went smoothly, and oh yeah, I’m handsome again. I’m actually tired tonight, so I’m gonna’ go ahead and end this with a constructive conclusion to help me: I, actually, despite my huge ego, I am grateful of my life even if it is quite taxing, and I love all my successes and experiences being a weatherman has brought to me. Now, time for some shut eye.

Good Night.

-Troy, 11:14pm

April 4

I had an awesome dream last night about a relaxing day at the beach in a hammock drinking from a coconut. Given this, I would have guessed the wonderful dream would equate to a good night’s rest. Nope. Other than that, I slept terribly, tossing and turning, my thoughts wrapping me up tighter and tighter as the clock ticked by the hour. I have been thinking about what my doctor told me yesterday. His words haunted me, the echoes pounded into my head like a twisted, faceless narrator’s tone vibrating through musky, mysterious fog. He accused me of being too busy during the day therefore my mind is much too active at night, and this causes me unable to fall asleep in a timely manner and stay asleep. And he’s right, I’ll give ‘em that. I would agree that I do lay in bed every night for hours thinking about all I have to do the next day. That’s no way to live—constantly engrained into the future like there is no present. Why am I doing this to myself? So, tonight, I muted my phone, and I won’t be hearing the activity from the world—just the sound of my portable white noise machine. This is my turning point. Since tomorrow’s a vacation day, I’m going to enjoy myself. I’ve never been to such a vibrant place, it’s literally Chill City. I might even get a haircut, something fresh. I’ll write all about it tomorrow night. Man, I’m actually yawning. I think I’m gonna’ try for a rest.

Good Luck & Good Night!

-Troy, 2:01am

April 5

Today, I hit the beach and did exactly what I did in my dream the other night. I must be able to predict the future (plus the weather). It was amazing. I didn’t get a haircut, but I can confidently say I got something similar. Some young woman was braiding hair at a stand at the boardwalk, and I got mine done! And yes, with the colorful beads! She had a blast doing my hair, saying she’s never braided and beaded a grown man’s hair because usually professional men are just too uptight to have some fun. We really hit it off, and she even asked for my number.

In addition, I got a call back from the station for the lead weatherman position, and I got the job! I am so delighted! You will see my face on the screen all around the country.

I slept awesome last night, and it seems I’m happier and less drained since doing this sleeping journal and thus snoozing (and not relying on sleep aid). I received about nine hours of lavish, much-needed rest. To me, this is unheard of! It’s like a total 360. I never realized how good you actually feel when you experience uninterrupted shut eye. Even now, I’m starting to get tired, it’s likely because I am finally relaxed. I’m in such a good mood knowing I got my dream job, and now I get to move to this beautiful state and live right by the beach. I might even start doing yoga to help me de-stress even more. Dr. Sleep knows his stuff! I’m excited as to what the rest of the week will bring to my newfound positive experience with slumber. After years of having trouble sleeping, I can finally say I wake up no longer under the weather.

‘Night!

-Troy, 10:58pm