The Perfect Gift

Scrolling through Amazon, I began my quest of finding the perfect gift for my husband. What do you get a 50-year-old? I thought to myself. He doesn’t really want anything at all, but I got to get him something!  

I searched clothes, books, electronics — nothing seemed right. When I couldn’t find what I wanted on Amazon, I decided to drive myself to the mall. There I was sure to find the perfect gift.  

I parked and went inside the mall. It was crowded. I weaved through the mass of people and checked every single store. I know there’s got to be something, I thought. Clothing stores were too pricey — he wouldn’t me spending too much money on him — and nothing I found in any store seemed good enough. I was getting frustrated, almost pulling out my hair, when it came to me.  

I jumped back in my car and drove to the liquor store. This may sound lame, but I bought my husband a bottle of whiskey for his 50th birthday. Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey to be exact. 

I knew he probably wouldn’t like me spending the dough, but I figured for his birthday — his 50th — money could be spent. I bought the most expensive bottle I could find — Number 27 Gold. I spent 200 bucks on that bottle alone!  

Oh, he’s gonna kill me, I thought as I paid and left the store. 200 bucks on a bottle of whiskey — are you nuts? I could hear him screaming at me, but I didn’t care. I had to find the perfect gift.  

When I got home, he still wasn’t home, and the kids were at grandma’s for another night, so I quickly wrapped the bottle and stuck a big bow on top. I wrote his name and said with love and signed it. I couldn’t wait to give this gift to him!

He came home, tired and hungry, from work. I nonchalantly asked, “How was work, honey?” He replied, “I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I want to watch my show!”  

“Are you ready for your birthday Sunday?” I asked him sweetly. He glared at me.  

“Don’t remind me — I can hardly wait,” he said dryly, rolling his eyes. “50-fucking-years old.”

Sunday morning, the day of his birthday, I rolled over in bed and said, “Happy birthday, dear.” I gave him his present. He opened it.  

“What the fuck? How much did you pay for this?!” He looked at me.  

I looked down at my hands kneading the blankets. “$200,” I mumbled softly.  

“$200?! For this shit?! Are you nuts?” 

“I wanted you to have a good birthday,” I said, still looking at my hands.  

He set the bottle on his nightstand. “I can have a good birthday without you spending 200 bucks on something I’m just gonna piss out anyway. Why 200 bucks on whiskey? Why not minis or games or” — 

I interrupted him with a kiss. “I love you, honey,” I said, looking deep into his eyes. “Happy birthday.”  

He glared at me, but didn’t say anything.  

Grandma dropped the kids off later that day, and we had a nice celebration with the family. The children each gave their father a gift, and he finally smiled. All day he had been in a mood about a $200 bottle of whiskey, but when he saw what the kids got him, he lightened up.  

Around 9 pm, when the kids were tucked safely and soundly in bed, he poured two shots of his fine Jack Daniels Whiskey, and we toasted.  

“Thank you,” he said to me, looking into my eyes. “I really appreciate it.” We drank a couple shots, and I went to bed.  

When I awoke at 6 am, he was just going to bed. He had drunk half the bottle and finished off a 6-pack of beer!

“Wow,” I giggled as he kissed me up and down. “You must be tired — and drunk. Get some rest. I’ll get the kids up.”

So, as you see, an expensive bottle of Jack was perfect for my husband. He likes to drink whiskey, paint, and listen to music. It might have cost a lot, but he sure enjoyed it. Next year — a cruise somewhere in the Bahamas, or maybe even Alaska! But we’ll see.  

As for now, I let him sleep in as he didn't really have to go to work until later in the evening, and I took care of the kids. I fed them breakfast, cleaned the dishes, and changed diapers — all the while planning the next year’s birthday. 

When I got a chance, I jumped online and looked up “Alaskan Cruise”. I found one and book it for my half birthday in June. 

The Perfect Gift for him — a $200 bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey. The perfect gift for me — an Alaskan Cruise! We may not make much money, but I’ve always wanted to cruise somewhere, and I really want to visit Alaska.  

My husband woke up, still drunk, came out of the bedroom, and starting singing. I looked at him, grinning.  

“I have found the perfect gift for my birthday,” I said and told him.  

“You spent how much?!” he exclaimed, gaping at me.  

“$2,000,” I confessed, gazing down at the floor.  

He looked at me like he was going to kill me, rolled back his head, and laughed. He laughed and laughed until he puked out the alcohol from the night before. I continued grinning from ear to ear.  

“Daddy puked!” our oldest shouted.  

“Your mom is obsessed with finding the perfect gift for our birthdays and spending way too much money, but I don’t care. Why should I care?” He looked at me and smiled drunkenly. “We don’t have any money, but we’re spending it.”

“You only live once,” I replied.  

It was a year to remember. The year we spent money on perfect gifts to keep each other happy, the year he got sick on Jack Daniels, the year we embarked on a cruise through the ice and snow of Alaska, which was on my half birthday since my birthday was too late in the year for a cruise like that. Nevertheless, we had fun and will always remember the perfect gift.