Nowhere really changes.

“Not everything remains the same” I say staring outside the rain-stained glass window, as the rain fell drumming in perfect rhythm, and I talked to no one in particular.

“What?” I heard behind me as I stared into the cold blue eyes of the nun.

“I was just talking to myself” I say quietly but loud enough so I know she could hear me.

“You know what I always say child?” She asked with that mischievous smirk she always wore on her thin lips.

“What?” I asked politely as I tried not to look at her dry, stony face while I also avoided any punishment, she could give me if she thought that I was being disrespectful.

“What everyone always says here you silly girl.” She said starting to get furious.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“You tell me. What does everyone say to everyone here?” She asked.

“I’m hungry? I am sleepy? I am tired? This place sucks” That was the truth, and I could say it. I once believed this place was my way to God when I came here at thirteen years old. Now two years later, I can honestly say that I am already in hell.

I felt a hand strike my face as the shock made me stagger backwards a few steps as I held my victimised cheek with my palm to soothe the pain. I felt stinging pain in my eyes as I tried to hold back my tears so that she could not get the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

“You stupid child! Watch your mouth or you would not like what is coming to you. Maybe if I had just told you what I wanted to earlier, this would not have happened”.

She peered at me with distaste before saying, “You satanic child- ‘’ Seriously? Who was the one being satanic right now? Someone better give her a dose of her own medicine.

“-An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. If you were not just staring out the window, perhaps the devil wouldn’t have possessed you and make you say that nonsense.” She did a small grunt as she was about to leave my room which made me burst into laughter because of the fact that she sounded like a horse. She turned back with a confused and annoyed face,

“Girl, you better explain what’s making you laugh like this” She said angrily.

“Nothing sister” I said lowering my head.

“Tell me now.” She insisted, “You know I like a good laugh too” I highly doubt it.

“Its nothing sister, I just saw wondered how foolish I was and thought you were right. I was laughing at myself” I lied.

“That’s good” She smiled before continuing, “Now, go and help the cook set up dinner. I can’t have you being idle after this.” She turned and left. Now, let me re-phrase what she said, ‘Go and make dinner. This is the best thing for me because I’m too stingy to spend the money the government sends for the kids on housework.’ Great!

“Hi, Jaz” My bestie called to me as I walked in the kitchen. I guess she had been given the same job as I had, lucky me.

“Same stuff, huh?” My bestie asked knowingly as I walked up to her as she made a dough. Her brown hair clung to the sweat on her forehead and by the way she bit her lip I could tell she was really concentrating on what she was doing.

“Yeah, same stuff as always Kat” I said before continuing,” What are you making? Pizza?” I said with a laugh, how I missed that.

“In your dreams, they would never allow it here and you know it. I was told to make an apple pie, so that is exactly what I’m doing” she said with a small smirk.

“Well, you take pleasure in my despair” I pretended to sigh sadly “How unfortunate for me.”

“Well, you deserve it pretender, now start peeling the apples so we are not late” she ordered but I could tell it was in a friendly manner.

“Ok, queen of hearts” I mocked and had a glare of daggers thrown at me before I added, “Shouldn’t you have cut these first?”

“I was busy, just peel them”.

I got to work peeling as she worked on her dough. We were quiet for a couple of minutes, but I was twitching to have a conversation.

“What is it?” she asked and then added “I can literally feel how anxious you are” and smiled/

“I just want to have a conversation” I said sounding childish.

“A conversation? We are having one now. So, what do you really want to talk about?” she asked.

“Not this kind of conversation, something meaningful” I said frowning.

“Okay, something meaningful, like?”

“How we both came here on our own free will and we can’t live, and we regret it?” She stopped rolling the dough and stared into my eyes with her hazel ones.

“We can’t change it Jaz, we have tried” she said with a sad smile that I was sure was meant to be comforting.

“I think we should try again” I said and them immediately regretted it when I saw the fear on Kat’s face. I was being selfish…again. I looked down to her wrist, the mark was still there. The mark the nuns gave her when we had tried to run away last time. Kat had hidden the fact that I was with her, and she took the punishment on her own. And here I was, trying to do that again.

“I’m sorry Kat, I did not mean to “I apologized sincerely as she looked down and continued kneading her dough slowly.

“It’s okay Jaz, we all have something we regret or try to hide but never lose hope. We can find a different way, one that does not involve anyone getting hurt. Physically, mentally or emotionally” she said and looked up. I nodded in agreement.

“And this was the place we all thought we’d get salvation. This is hell.” I complained furiously as I continued cutting the apples.

“It did teach us that not everything that glitters is gold” she said trying to find the silver lining. But I did not think there was any.

“We will only need that lesson if we make it out of here alive.” I said and looked at Kat who was now also looking at me. We both knew it was a possibility, many people had gone that way, we just never talked about it.