The Sinning Saint

I’ve managed to put myself into one of the worst scenarios anyone could ask for. I’ve begun wondering whether I was tricked, and this really is hell all along. Left to rot in dimension of evil, an endless torture that I both feel and cause. I wanted to give up. This can’t be worth all the trouble I go through. I get so close to throwing it all away, then I think of that day. I think of how far I’ve come. Everything I’ve sacrificed. All the work I have yet to do. That may be the only thing fueling the fire, so I have to run while it’s burning. I can’t be done now! There’s still so much to do! I won’t stop. I’ve gone to hell and back for this… literally.

I know who I’m supposed to be. I’m no hero. Praise is the last thing I deserve. I’ve done my fair share of hurting people in my lifetime, so it didn’t really matter to me. I was able to get what I wanted, so why should I care about other people. That’s what got me where I am in the first place. After a life of causing people misery, I end up taking a one way trip to the underworld. That should’ve been it for me. An eternity of suffering in the darkest pit of hell, but apparently I was useful to Lucifer. Offered me a deal I couldn’t refuse. I’m still not sure what he saw in me. Naivety, ignorance, whatever it was couldn’t have been good, this is Satan after all. He acted like a sleazy businessman, the ones that tell you sweet nothings in your ear until you can’t make them enough money. He asked me to be a service demon. I could go back to Earth and start some trouble, and I’d get some nifty powers in the process.

“If I’m gonna dance with the devil himself, I need to know what I’ll be working with.” I said, trying to pretend like I’m not quaking with terror. He didn’t really have a face to look at. The room was too dark and his voice bounced around every wall.

“Here’s the kid. You go back to earth with near infinite power, and cause the humans to sin. Give them a little encouragement, and I won’t make you suffer like those unfortunates outside.” Everything happened so quickly. I closed my eyes, opened them back up, and there I was back on earth. All of my old scars and bruises are replaced with weird black markings. I look at my arms and there are seven symbols, four on the left, and three on the right. Each symbol glowed a different color. That was how I would cause chaos.

I went on my first job at a bar. The humans can’t see me so I just loom over people. There’s this one guy in the corner with a girl and another guy. The girl and the guy are talking, laughing, and drinking. They left the other guy alone. I got really close to him and one symbol started glowing on my arm. A bright green eye on my right arm. I look back at him, grab his shoulder, and start whispering-

“You can’t let him show you up like that. You liked her first and he knows it! Let him know how it makes you feel!” One thing leads to another and there goes a bar fight. It was laughable how quickly he snapped. It doesn’t take much to make a bad idea look good. I walked out of there feeling accomplished, like I just finished my homework or something. I go down the block and walk past a dark alley. I stop dead in my tracks when I hear the voice of a girl.

“P-please, I-I’m sorry! I-I gotta get home!” She sounded young. Maybe fourteen or so.

“Aww cmon baby girl! We just wanna have fun! I thought you liked all of this.” The guy’s words slurred beyond comprehension. Just then I felt two symbols glow on my arm, an orange crown and a pink mouth with the tongue sticking out. I creep into the alley and hide behind the dumpster. The guy had her pinned against the wall, her purse on the other side of the alley.

“I told you I’m not ready! Leave me alone!”

“Don’t be a downer baby!”

“I just want to go back home! I have to take care of my siblings!” I felt something when I heard that, and to this day I still don’t know what it was. All I know is how much more angry I got the more he persisted.

“You worry too much baby!”

“Stop it! I said-” He covered her mouth.

“Shut up!” I don’t remember what happened after that. Everything went black. I have no clue what I did to that boy. I was breathing heavily, wiping my bloody hands on my pants. The boy definitely wasn’t awake when my vision came back. He was lying by the trash bags near the dumper, covered in trash, blood, and bruises. I check my arm and see only one symbol still glowing, a red knife. Before I knew what was happening, I turned to face the girl. She looked at me with tears streaming down her face, she looked me right in my eyes, and she said 

“Thank you! I don't know what else he was gonna do.” I could only respond with-

“Take care of yourself kid.” She nodded and ran down the end of the alleyway.

Something changed me that night. I would never have done something like that, whether I was dead or alive, but it was because of her. She seemed familiar to me. All I could think of was how people like her get abused everyday without some random person to come and play hero. To think that I encourage people like that boy; that I once was that boy. No amount of fire and brimstone could hurt me like that realization did. I know I’m no angel, I’m hardly a good person by human standards, but I know I can’t let people get hurt anymore. May God or Satan strike me down if I ever do again. I’ll use what I have to help people. Outcast from heaven and hell. I guess you never expected me as a hero.