Twins Stick Together

I thought he was dead, but there he is, right in front of me on the street, smiling at me.

6 months ago

I didn’t realize how beautiful it was outside. My anger faded away as Owen smiled at me, his blue eyes crinkling at the edges. The snow covered the ground like a soft, white blanket. It was so smooth and perfect, I almost didn’t want to ruin more of it. My twin brother, on the other hand, had a different idea in mind. He took me by the hand and dragged me along, running and squealing with joy. 

We walked over to the lake that was just a mile away from our house. It was frozen over, or so it seemed, and looking at it made me feel as if we were in some winter wonderland. It was beautiful. 

Before I could stop him, Owen ran out onto the lake, gliding along the surface. 

“Owen, get off. This isn’t safe to skate on.” I yelled. 

Ever since I came into this world, it was my duty to take care of him. He had autism and I had to shelter him from the harshness of reality and protect him with everything I had. He wasn’t able to communicate or interact with anyone else, and his frequent panic attacks made me have to keep an eye on him 24/7. 

I couldn’t live a normal, teenage life. Anyone who knew me associated me with my “mentally insane” brother. Everywhere I went, he had to tag along. Being my own person wasn’t possible with a sibling like Owen. 

“No, no. I’m not getting off, I’m not getting off.” He responded. 

“1...” I counted, “2…”

“NO! I’M NOT GETTING OFF.” Right as he said those words, the ice began to crack. 

I couldn’t react in time- he was too far away for me to reach him before he fell through the thin ice and into the freezing water. He tried to keep his head up, screaming and crying my name. He didn’t know how to swim. A few moments longer and he was going to drown. The problem was, I didn’t know how to swim, either.  

Instinctively, I carefully stepped onto the ice, making my way towards him. Then, I stopped. 

I left the lake as an only child. It was an accident he drowned. A terrible, horrific accident, but still an accident. Well, not an accident anymore. 

"Did you miss me?" Owen said softly. He was pale and ghostly, as if I were hallucinating his existence. But no, he was most definitely real. I thought back to that night, a night that has haunted me every day. Now it was coming back to get me. 

I was paralyzed. My feet were glued to the gravel road and time froze for a moment. Finally, I managed to choke out a few words, “What are you doing here?” 

He laughed. A cold, heartless sound that held no joy or kindness. He blinked and started fidgeting with his hands.He started to tug at his hair and punch at himself. 

“You wanted me dead, you wanted me dead. My own sister wanted me dead.” 

“H-how did you survive?” I stammered. My heart rate began to accelerate as reality kicked in and I couldn’t breathe. The streetlight cast a warm glow upon him, creating an eerie aura. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. 

“Someone saved me.” He mumbled, avoiding my eyes, “Someone pulled me up. They knew how to swim.”

“Who is this person?” 

“A generous man. He took me to a hospital, paid for that.  He looked oddly familiar, I just couldn’t put a finger on it. After that, I went to another hospital, but for people like me. I’ve been staying there ever since. He has also been paying for that. I sneaked out tonight to see you. They’re probably looking for me, so I have to be quick.” He continued to play with his hands. “I remember you telling Mommy you wanted me to die. I heard you.” 

“I didn’t say that.” I gasped and I could feel tears stinging against my eyes. “Don’t say such things, Owen. I would never. What happened was an accident. I thought you were gone already.” 

“DON’T LIE. IT’S BAD IF YOU LIE.” He screamed. He held his head and bent down

agony. “You liar, you terrible liar.” 

I fell on my knees with him, my tears flowing down my face. I was sobbing hysterically. I began to feel tingly and numb. What did I do? “I’m sorry,” I wailed. “I should have jumped in after you. I’m sorry, Owen. Please forgive me.” 

“Twins are supposed to stick together.” 

Twins are supposed to stick together. That was what Mom told me the day of the incident. The day I wanted to be free from it all:

“I can’t anymore, Mom. I’m invisible. No one cares about me. The only thing you ask me when you get home from work is ‘How is Owen?’ Do you ever wonder how I feel sometimes?” 

“You know the circumstances.” Mom answered firmly, “You’re being completely insensitive. Do you think we wanted your brother to be this way?” 

“Why is all the weight on me? I have school, I have other friends, I have things I want to do. I’m the only one who seems to be sacrificing anything. I wish I was an only child.” 

Pure rage filled Mom’s eyes and she slapped me across the face. Really hard. “Take that back. Now.” 

I didn’t take it back, “I hate it here. I want him to die!” I ran out of the house, letting my legs take me wherever they felt like going. Owen was just coming inside from playing in the snow. I pushed past him and kept running. 

“Emaline!!” He called out. When I didn’t come back, he came after me. He was always faster than me, which often made it difficult to watch over him all the time. He caught up to me, grasping onto my sweatshirt. 

“Get off me.” 

“But Blaze wants to play with us.” He held out my stuffed horse and wiggled it in front of my face. I thought I lost it, but turned out Owen had it the entire time. 

“Play with Blaze yourself.” 

“But it’s no fun without you. Blaze misses you.” Owen’s voice was perky and cheerful. His cheeks were rosy from the cold. Slowly, I smiled along with him. 

“Fine. Let’s go to the lake. Bring Blaze as well.” 

“I know they are.” I said, “I’m sorry. I regret everything.” 

He sniffled and unzipped his thick jacket, where he pulled something out from under his arm. “Blaze still misses you, though.” He hugged the stuffed horse tightly to his chest, “I only had Blaze after you left me.” 

I smiled amidst all the crying, “Hi Blaze.” I waved, “I’m glad you stuck by Owen’s side.” 

Owen’s eyes gazed at me. They were sympathetic, but still reflecting pain. “You said sometimes forgiveness is good, right? But never forgetting.” 

I nodded, “Yes, that’s right.” 

“Well, maybe I can forgive you, but not forget.” 

“Owen, can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you come back home? Or called us?” 

“You didn’t want me back.” He shrugged. “You said don’t trust strangers. You’re a stranger to me now. You’re my sister, but sisters don’t want their brothers to die, so I don’t know anymore.” 

“But what about Mom?”

“I’m autistic, not stupid. If she truly cared, I would’ve been back home the day I almost drowned. Don’t deny it. I bet she wasn’t too upset when you told her I was dead.” 

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I knew the truth. 

“Mom!” I barged in through the door, sobbing hysterically. I didn’t know if the tears came from regret or actual grief. Perhaps a mix of both. I forgot about our fight earlier. 

I blurted out, “Owen’s dead. He drowned and there was nothing I could do to save him. He ran out on the lake and before I knew it, he fell.” 

Mom was silent for a few moments. I was preparing myself for her breakdown and her wrath. I closed my eyes and waited for her to erupt. I was trembling. My nails dug into my palm as I tried to remain conscious. 

She took a deep breath, “Well, it was an accident. Right?” 

I didn’t know why that question made me feel so guilty. It wasn’t on purpose, that was for sure. “Yes of course.” 

“Tell me what actually happened.” 

“What? You think I pushed him in or something?” I felt wrongly accused. Her tone was accusing and demanding, as if she knew. 

Despite the situation, Mom let out a laugh. “Let’s sit.”

We went to the dining room table and sat across from each other, like a detective interrogating a suspect. 

“After Owen followed you, I didn’t know what you were going to do to him, with how angry you were, so I decided to follow you two. I saw everything that happened. It wasn’t your fault.” 

I was stunned. How was she just accepting that her daughter was a killer? “It was my fault. I could have saved him, but I didn’t.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. No one will know. It’s between you and I. But I finally understand how you felt. Everywhere you went, he dragged you down with him. You’re free now, aren’t you? Besides, he has Dad. Now it’s just you and I. We aren’t held back by them anymore.” She said calmly, almost casually. “Let’s go get some pizza. Owen’s favorite.” 

Since that day, we didn’t say any more about him. It was as if he was never a part of the family. He haunted my dreams and imagination, but I never verbalized the internal guilt and shame I felt. Deep in my heart, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away with this. 

“It’s fine, you don’t have to say anything.” Owen extended his arm, “Let’s play.” 

I dried my tears and snot. “What do you want to do?” 

“Let’s go to the lake.” 

“What? Why do you want to go back there?” 

“Just because I had one bad moment there doesn’t mean I forget that that was our favorite place to go. We had a lot of fun there. Right, Blaze?” He moved Blaze’s head up and down. “I’ll be out of your life after this. I like the people I’m around now. They get me.” 

I didn’t say anything as I followed him to the place I hadn’t been to in half a year. I was trying to wash out the negative thoughts out of my mind, but it was impossible. “I can’t be here.” 

“It’s the least you can do for me.” Owen said. He walked along the grass to the deep part of the lake, near where I left him to drown.

Something wasn’t setting right in my stomach. It was getting late. The sun was already set, but luckily we had the moon overhead that illuminated our path. Still, it was hard to see where I was walking. Owen’s hand kept me steady. 

“You know,” He broke the silence and let go of my hand, “Mom and Dad used to come here all the time as well.”

“They did?” 

“Yeah. Mom told me this was Dad's favorite spot. I’m sad he can’t come here anymore.” Owen never usually spoke of his emotions openly, but we all knew he wished he could remember Dad. The day our Dad left without a trace was one of the worst times of our lives. We acted as if he was dead when he didn't show up for more than a month. He was never found, probably lost somewhere out in the world.

“Well, I’m sure there are much more beautiful lakes in Heaven.” 

“Yes. Good thing Mom is here, though.” 

“She should be home soon. Want me to call her? She may have a heart attack when she sees you, though.” I asked. 

“No, she’s here. Mom is here.” Owen signaled to the lake. 

Chills started creeping up my spine, and I knew it wasn’t the weather that was making me cold. “What do you mean?”Just then, I realized how Mom should’ve been home hours ago.  I figured she was having a late night at work. A really late night. “Owen…” 

He answered, “Mommy wants to be with Daddy. I helped her.” 

“What did you do, Owen?” 

“I pushed her.” Owen turned to me, smiling. He pointed to the lake. “See? Everything is iced over, except this spot. She fell through the ice here, like I did. I’m strong, I pushed her far. I’m very, very strong.” 

The color drained from my face. I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening. Wake up, Emaline! No matter how much I tried to erase this image, Owen remained there, as real as ever. 

“You can have them to yourself now. I’m a big boy, I take care of myself.” 

“Don’t do this…” I started to back away, tripping over a rock that was behind me. I tried to get myself off the ground, but Owen grabbed my arm forcefully. 

“I don’t listen to strangers.” He picked me up. 

And then he tossed me, throwing me into the freezing water. I screamed, kicking and flailing my arms. “Help. Please.” I could feel myself going under. I looked up to try and keep my head above the water, but it was no use. As I began to sink, memories began to flash in front of my eyes. Was this what it felt like to die? 

Suddenly, someone jumped in and lifted me up. I fell onto the grass, coughing up water and shivering from the cold. I laid on the ground for a minute, breathing heavily. Air never felt so good. After my breathing calmed down, there was an eerie silence surrounding me. Then, I heard splashing. 

“Owen!” I gasped, scrambling to my feet. He was the one in the water, struggling for his life. 

“Sorry.” He managed to say. “This is what should’ve happened last time.” With that, he went completely under. And he never came back up. 

I screamed. I screamed to the sky, which held the constellations of my entire family. It was pure agony. I was alone. It should have been me. 

I took a look at the lake in front of me, the lake that consumed my mother and brother. The place that once held our picnics and childhood memories. We were raised by the lake. Perhaps it was meant for all of us to die here, too. None of us knew how to swim, and that obviously cost our family’s lives. I wasn’t going to be the odd one out. 

I thought of my life and everything I’d miss. Sad thing was, there was nothing I could think of. There was no reason why I shouldn’t do this. I stood up. I went a good distance away from the water and began to run. "1....2..." Before I could jump into the water, someone yanked me back. 

“Stop. You’re okay.” Someone held me tightly. “Don’t worry, you’re safe.”

2 months later

I was admitted into the psychiatric hospital my brother was once in. They told me expenses were already taken care of. I just knew it was the same person who saved Owen last time. The most important thing was that I needed help. It felt unfair that I was here and Owen was not. The guilt was overwhelming. For a while, anyway. 

On the other hand, I was beginning to build real connections with other patients. They all had their own stories to tell. They were the most broken, but the most genuine people I’ve ever met. They made me feel as if I wasn’t alone. There were no questions on what happened between Owen and me. It was like they all had an understanding without even asking anything. 

We all were hurting. And that was okay. I made mistakes- awful mistakes at that. But now was the opportunity to improve myself as an individual. I knew I didn’t deserve it in the slightest, but I wanted to make my family above proud. 

I was selfish, ignorant, and well, maybe I was terrible. Every day, I thought back to Owen on the street, smiling at me through the pain. Just when I thought he was gone, he came back. Maybe he’d come back again, but I knew that wouldn’t be the case. 

I never discovered who the man was, the one that saved us and paid for everything. I figured he was someone who went to the lake every so often, catching us at the right times. He was my guardian angel. I hoped one day I’d find him and repay him every penny he spent on Owen and I. I wanted to hear his story, understand why he did all this for us. Perhaps it was someone we knew but just couldn’t figure out. Either way, I was going to search for him. 

For now, I was going to have to live things out on my own. At least I had Blaze by my side. My stuffed animal has seen the worst of times, but it continues to be a source of comfort to anyone that hugs it against their chest. Blaze was a constant reminder that Owen was still a large part of my life. Through everything, Owen still chose my life over his. I guess I had more people looking out for me than I thought. After all, twins stick together, right?