I am Free

“Hollie are you sure you have everything?” My mother asks once more.

“Yes mom. I checked twice.” I respond. I have my suitcase behind me, and a heavy bad swung over my shoulder with the rest packing the rim of my car. I didn’t even realize that I owned that many things.

“Shampoo?”

“Check.”

“Pillow.”

“Check.”

“Tampons, chap-stick, sweatp-” 

“Yes check, yes check, yes mom. I have everything that I need now please stop.” I say.

“I’m sorry Sweetie, I just never thought you would actually leave me. You know I didn’t go to college and your sisters didn’t go either, and we are doing just fine.”

“I know, but I need this mom and you know that.Both Lily and Anna got pregnant in high school that's why they didn’t go. You know that mom.”

“I know, I know.” She laughs while rolling her eyes.

    The small town of Woodland suffocates me. Everyone knows everyone; you can’t do one thing to mess up or you will be carrying that one moment of time for as long as you live. I still can’t live down the one time I puke on Tommy James in the second grade play. But the most suffocating thing in this town in my mother.

    “Bye mom.”

    “Hollie.” 

    “Bye mom.” I repeat.

    “Oh bye Hollie, I love you.”

    “I love you so much.” 

    My mother walks me to my car. Mother walks me to the beaten down old pick up truck. She waves and I drive away. I turn up the knob of stereo up; I roll the windows down and drive. I am free.

***

    I arrived twenty minutes ago and have been procrastinating meeting people. I have known the same people my whole life unless people decided to move to the most boring places on the face of the earth.

    I finally ended up getting out of my truck and walking to registration area. Many people around the same age as me bump into as I walk through the crowded halls. Maybe one of them say sorry. I was home schooled, so I never had to experience the rush of teenagers going from one place to another. I have never seen this many teens. It’s like every is lining up for a black Friday deal.

    My dorm number is 379 with a girl named Marry. I walk into the room and the smell of something comforting. It reminds me of a nice summer day with a hint of mint lemonade. 

    The room is small, very small. There is just enough room for two beds and a small desk. The small room smells like lavender and peppermint. The room is bright. Yellows, light blues, and bright pinks. 

    “Helloooooo.” I hear a girl call. She has short pink hair and olive skin. She’s about five foot two.

    “Hi.” I say shyly. I feel like she is looking at my ugly brown eyes blending into my boring coca colored hair.

    “I’m Marry.” She reaches out her hand and I shake it.

    “Hollie.”

    “Great! Hi Hollie. I gave you the better bed by the window,  and I hope you don’t mind lavender.”

    “Hi. Thank you and no I don’t mind lavender one bit actually I love it..”

    Marry seems very sparkly and out there. I have never met one person like this.

    “All the girls on this floor are going out shopping to fill our mini-fridges. Want to join?” 

    “How many girls are that?” I ask nervously. I haven’t even been to a shop by myself before. I also never have hung out with girls or boys  my own age.

    “Like 30, why?” 

    “That’s a lot.”

    “Yeah, but it’s good to get to know the girls in the dorms around us.”

    I debated going to the store with all these girls, but then I realized the whole reason I moved hundreds of miles away was to get away from there. To get away from the things that held me back from being the real me. We walk into ‘Deals Everywhere’ and I never knew how go it would feel being able to actually do this like this.

    “Okay Hollie we need healthy and then junky shit to eat on our periods.”

    “So carrots and chocolate?”

    “Ooo I like how you think.” Olivia says after she overheard us talking.

    “Okay Olivia how do you feel about raw cookie dough?” I ask.

    “There is nothing better than raw cookie dough, sweatpants, and so sad movie that you cry over..”

    “I think we are going to be great friends.”

    “I think so too.”

    By the end of the shopping trip, I only spent 50 dollars which is very good with all the things I wanted to buy. I never realized that all the junk food my mother never bought. I never even knew that they made Snickers coffee creamer. Like wow.

    “Hollie I’m really glad you came, we had tons of fun.”

    “Me too. Marry can you believe that this was my first time ever going shopping by myself?” I ask. Oh my God, I can’t believe that this was my first time actually going shopping. Like how did I live my life before hand.

    “Really? How?”

    “Helicopter Mom that needed to know everything I did and everything I said. I never even said ‘fuck’ till I was sixteen.”

    “Oh my God wow, that must have sucked.”

    “It did, that's why I moved 457 miles away.”

    “Well welcome to freedom, dorm 370 is having a party wanna come with?”

    “I don’t have anything to wear, but I would love to.”

    “You could borrow something of mine.” She suggests.

    “Really?”

    “Yes, what do you say?”

    “Freedom here I come.”

    “That's the spirit Baby.” She yells. Marry jumps around pumping her fist up in the air. 

***

I don’t think I have ever felt this good.  I giggle, I smile, and I talk. I have nothing to hold me back. I have nothing to stop me. I have nothing that will ever get in my way again. This is me and I am free.