Rude Awakenings

"Fuck! I can't believe this junk! " Sam's old Tesla kept breaking down for no reason and the weather wasn't helping. Even a blind man could have seen this storm coming, bringing with it strong wind and aggressive thunder. 

"Hello Triple A?" 

"Hello this is Triple A. How can we be of service?"

 "Thank God!" said Sam as his uncontrolled thoughts of dim scenarios quickly came to a halt. 

"My car broke down. I'm about 200 meters away from Newport. Between  old Billy's gas station and Peter's Pinecone forest. I'm stuck in the middle of the road and there's a heavy thunderstorm over here and... hello?" 

 The phone line was disabled probably due to the lashing winds of the storm. 

"Fuck!" screamed Sam defenseless. He wasn't going anywhere and after using all his energy up screaming and shouting of sheer frustration inside his car, his body's natural reaction led Sam to take a much needed nap. There was something mystical about sleeping in the rain. The monotonous sound of the infinite raindrops splashing everything equally.

Remembering in his sleep his complicated situation, Sam frantically woke up. He instinctively grabbed his cellphone to realize,  not only that the signal was back but the storm had calmed down also. He took a deep breath before making his next phone call. 

 “Dad! Listen, I'm stuck near Peter’s  Pinecone, can you come pick me up. I need a ride to work. This piece of shit car keeps breaking down." 

"It'll take a couple of hours son, I still have to feed them hogs and your aunt Lesdy might need some help with her new window set..."

His dad's voice faded into the distance.

His help was no longer Sam's main interest. On the other hand, the diminutive creature that came out behind old Billy's gas station walking toward his car stole it completely. Sam initially thought it could have been one of old Billy's grandchildren. His strong genes are known all through town. However this thing, which appeared seemingly out of nowhere, had a face resembling a grown man, green and rusty skin and was carrying what seemed like a briefcase. Sam got out of his car, considering the easing of the weather and followed this curious thing into Peter's Pinecone forrest. Although diminutive in size, the creature displayed great stamina and lured Sam deeper into the forest. 

 “Where did it go?" said Sam catching his breath. 

He derailed himself from the main track and found himself on top of a hill linked to another similar hill by a small bridge. Pinecones, almost like an army of clones, populated every possible square inch of forest.

 "There you are!" shouted Sam as he pinpointed the weird creature running downhill. As he accelerated, so did the weather and as quick as Sam made it to the middle bridge, thunder, heavy rain and aggressive wind struck Peter's Pinecone.

"Fuck! Not again!" screamed Sam as he creatively utilized the bridge as shelter from the insidious weather.

He couldn't understand how in the world he got himself in this stupid situation. 

"Awful weather, huh?" Sam jumped shocked as he took a good look at that which had stolen his attention. 

"Excuse me?" stuttered Sam. 

"I said. The weather is awful." 

" Wha-What are you?" 

" Ah, it's the same every time"

 "What?"

 " Everytime humans come in contact with goblins, they can't seem to grasp the fact that goblins exist and equate experiences of meeting one to being drugged up or alien abduction"

 "I mean, no harm. It's just, I've been in my car for so long and the sight of you startled me."

 "Startled?"

 "Yes. It's not everyday you see a goblin."

 "Well, we do try to stay away from humans." said the creature and he fixed his petit tie.

 "You-you've got a briefcase." 

" Yes. I do. Haven't you seen a briefcase before?" 

" Yes I have. Why would a goblin have one?" 

"Because this goblin is a very important goblin in the goblin world." 

"Goblin world?" 

 “As humans have their human world, we have our own goblin world. Hidden. In forests such as this one. All over the planet. My position within this goblin ministry world is to regulate "false flag information."

 Sam looked at the creature with total bewilderment. 

"Unlike humans, we goblins are extremely meticulous beings. We calculate every possible scenario and detail that might affect any of our decisions. Unfortunately, this type behavior has led to goblins making up false stories. You know, what you humans called “fake news.” In a purely logical scenario, adapting a fake news strategy to inflict control is highly beneficial. It allows you to manipulate and deceive whoever you want. As this phenomenon grew, goblins started inflicting  self wounds and blaming other goblins for it. Sometimes it's real, sometimes it's to be seen as a victim to return the strike with unproportional measures. My job is to mitigate these actions within the goblin community.”

 Sam's eyes and ears were exploited by what he had just heard. As he stood there compartmentalizing his surroundings, he realized that the   scenery was grandiose and beautiful. The rain and thunder matched  perfectly with the heights of the pinecones and the darkness they created. Sam and the goblin, although completely different, stood still. Under this particular bridge mesmerized the natural aesthetic of the environment. "Will you ever solve it?" asked Sam to the goblin. 

"Solve what?" intrigued asked the goblin. 

"Misinformation. Self inflicting wounds that justify atrocities?"

 "Although it is my job to stop it, I don't think I will. It will be deeply embedded within the foundation of the goblins for years to come." 

Sam's sadness  quickly changed to a more positive attitude as the storm was slowly relaxing. A small opening let the sunlight into Peter's Pinecone forrest. Sam's lifted his chin towards the sun enjoying the gentle warmth he was experiencing. Coming up with another question for the creature, Sam asked,

"So, what should we do?” 

“Well, I am not sure if this strategy will work in the human world but, when we goblins are trying to “unplug” someone from the evil energy wave power seekers blindingly walk themselves into, we usually call them or meet with them, depending on the gravity of their fake news, and we proceed to shout, from the top of our lungs all the reasons why their fake news story is fake. This is like killing 2 raccoons with one spear!”  The goblin could see Sam's confusion. 

“We goblins like to eat raccoons, anyways. The yelling process awakens them from their own mind prison and two, well, liars ought to be screamed at.” 

Sam’s eyes were blinded from the sun. He held his palm up to protect his eyes but the goblin was already gone.  

Once Sam returned to the main road uphill, ambulances and police cars were searching everywhere for him.

 "Son! There you are! We couldn't  find you and we were starting to get worried." 

"I'm ok. I just went for a little walk, that's all."

 Both Sam's father and paramedics find it hard to believe Sam was having a stroll under the terrible weather but as long as he wasn't injured, all parties agree it was a simple misunderstanding and poor communication.  As Sam finally entered his office, Janice, his secretary said. 

“Mr. Coleman, we tried calling your cell phone but the signal was low…”

 “ I know Janice, the weather is terrible. I got stuck, long story. Tell me, what we have for today.”

“Well,” said Janice. “Mr. Elon Musk keeps trying to contact you about that Mars story. He says you can exaggerate it as much as you want as long as it paints traveling to Mars as something “positive.” Also, the Chinese Government wants you to write a negative story about Taiwan.  They specifically said “make it seem like they need us.” Also, the security minister of Mexico wants you to report a fake kidnapping, they need public support and rescuing a little girl can potentially elevate them in the polls. Lastly, Facebook needs 20 immigrant stories with a good outcome. Apparently the French president has personally asked his communication minister to uplift public opinion on immigration.” 

Sam didn't move a muscle. He would usually frantically try to satisfy his clients orders but this time, he reminisced about his real or unreal experience in Peter’s Pinecone forest. He took a deep breath and very calmly asked Janice to call Mr. Musk's personal phone. Janice obliged. 

“ Sam! Thanks for reaching out, man. I need that story for this new magazine I'm working with and…” 

 “Listen here you little fuck. Mars is not cool. Traveling to Mars is expensive and once you're there,  there isn't anything to actually do. Oh! And did I mention there is no oxygen Elon. No oxygen! It means that if you don't have money to buy a six million dollar space suit, you can't go! Instead of going to Mars, why dont you fix your cars! “Self driving”  is a long shot, not to mention they break down every 2 days because of maintenance!”

“Woah calm down Sam! You sound tempered.”

“I'm sorry man. I met this goblin under a bridge at Peter’s Pinecone and he said "I need to yell at people that lie.”

“ I would say you have either been drugged up or abducted by aliens! Stay focused and get me that story. I'll send you a new model soon.” 

Sam Coleman obliged.