A Child's Quiet Lament

Dear Diary,  May 5th 2000

I can’t believe I’m actually writing in this stupid thing. It’s around 11:30 pm and I can’t sleep. What am I doing to pass the time, you ask? Writing in a diary like a one year old. Kendra told me to, she thinks that I have a lot of ‘repressed feelings’, what does she know. How dare tell me about how to live my life, like I care what she thinks. I don’t really care much about my dad either and his ‘lazy ass’ as mom used to call him. Although, when I came home today from school he wasn’t in the living room with a 3 pack finished beside him so that’s good I guess. I used to hand him his beer but now Kendra does it. Kendra acts like she knows everything about me, she comes in for ‘girl talks’. Did I ask? No, so get out. Her dumb big fake eyelashes and her hot pink dragon nails can go away. I can’t say that to her though, my dad already got angry at me for slapping her once. I don’t know what the big deal was, she was trying to get me to ‘open up’, I don’t even know her! She’s like that mean mom in Matilda. They’re just so happy aren’t they, maybe on their registry gift thing they should ask for a 6 pack. Whatever, like I care about their relationship. Anyway I’m going to try to go to bed now. 

Still awake, its 12:00 now. I bet Jelina is still awake, her parents don’t really care about bedtimes. However guess who is awake, Kendra. Howling like a hyena. God, that sound just crawls up my spine like a caterpillar or something. How can someone be that annoying. How? And why can’t I sleep? It’s four no sorry three hours past my bedtime! I just need to get my mind off of dad and whatever her name is. What happened at school today, umm. Ms Gafild fell for the prank me and Jelina pulled on her. Clear glue all over her seat, her skirt was so stuck. I haven’t laughed like that in so long. We blamed it on Annie of course, stupid Annie. Perfect little Annie with her bouncy, springy brown hair. Her perfect Gap clothes, with her even more perfect smile. She deserved it anyway, she totally told on me for ‘pushing Jerry off the swings.’ Which I definitely did not do so if the police want to see this or something, I DID NOT. Wow it is so late, dad would kill me if he knew I was awake so I’m going to try and sleep now. 

It’s useless, my body does not want to sleep. I think its 12:25am or 1:00 am. Wait no thats not right, its 12:25am. I think Dumbo one and Dumbo two went to bed now. Jelina told me that I should prank them to get them back for being so mean but dad really doesn’t like pranks. One time my teacher called home about my ‘inappropriate behaviour’. Dad was super, super mad. It was so scary. Before he could ‘make me understand what I did’, mom stopped him. It was like the smoke squealed out of his ears. I ran away as fast as I could that day. Outside, to the park. There was this other kid on the swings, I gave him a little nudge to get off. It wasn’t Jerry, but that sucker had the same face after he walked away. Why am I telling you this anyway? You’re just a book. If Jelina found this book, she would flip out. She’d probably call me what she calls Annie when she cries, a punny?. No, a possy? I don’t know, doesn’t matter because she will never find this. 

Wait you don’t even know who Jelina is. She is my best friend. Two years ago in second grade, I saw her rubbing bark chips in Merle’s face for making her fall. When I asked her what she was doing she said ‘revenge’. Ever since that day she’s been my best friend. But I can’t make her too mad, she’s much scary than me. I told her all about mom. I miss mom, her name was Linda Servino. It will be my birthday in two days and she always used to bake me a chocolate cake, with little rainbow sprinkles on them, or ‘jimmies’ as Kendra calls them. Dad and Kendra won’t be here for my birthday because of their honeymoon or something. Dad told me that I would have more fun with Jelina anyway. Which is true, that’s one thing he ever got right. Ms. Gafild told me that when I get mad at him I should take a deep breath. Which is weird because I'm always breathing, so what will that do? Hold on, I’m going to try holding my breath for as long as I can. Ok, 20 seconds pretty good I think. I’m so tired but I can’t seem to let my eyes close. Its 12:56 now, I’m going to try and fall asleep once again.

I. STILL. CANNOT. SLEEP. I even counted goats and sheep or whatever! Ugh, only a few more hours till I have to see Kendra ugly face again. She had the nerve to ask me to be her flower girl last night. She has some nerve to even talk to me. I’m already mad at dad for asking her to marry him. It’s like he doesn’t even remember mom. Jelina says that she hates her mom, cause she hits her. Jerry said that it's because she’s so stupid. Haha, Jerry got what he deserved that day. I can’t believe she got in trouble for that, she was just trying to show him what he did wrong so that he will never make the same mistake again! Teachers in the fourth grade are so sensitive. I feel like I can see the sun coming up, or is that just a really white house. It’s only 1:30am so its not sunrise yet. Maybe I should get some milk, that sounds good, some warm milk. If I don’t write back that means that I am asleep. 

I just got yelled at. They weren’t in bed. All I wanted to do was just get the milk. That is all I wanted to do. Dad yelled at me. Kendra just stared. Dad yelled at me. No one was there to defend me. I tried to say something but I couldn’t. ALL SHE DID WAS JUST STARE. SHE JUST STARED AT ME, LIKE SHE DIDN’T CARE. I hate her. I hate dad. I hate my family. I hate this book. I hate mom. I hate everything. I am NOT coming to their wedding tomorrow because I JUST DON’T CARE. Everything is so stupid and dumb. Nothing good ever happens to me. EVER. Idiot Kendra always tells me nice girls don’t spit, yell or hit, well I guess I’m not a nice girl. I hate that he’s marrying her. I’ve only been this mad and sad once in my whole life, and I hate the feeling. I just want to go to sleep! In fact I want to go to sleep forever and ever, and never see ANYONE’S face EVER AGAIN!

Goodnight Diary, rot in hell.

-Paisley L. Marge