Hope

I blinked away the sleepiness as I continued to drive the well-worn road towards the town that held memories filled with everything from happiness to heartbreak. Soon I was pulling past the fading sign that read “Welcome to Little Birchwood.” I couldn’t help but sigh as I looked down at the ivory envelope with silvery loopy writing that said “Please Join Us for the Wedding Ceremony for Nina and Carlos at Ivory Park Gardens on July 18th at 5:00 p.m.” the names brought back now bittersweet memories of high school Those memories turned to bittersweet a long time ago...when she broke my heart I thought bitterly as he pulled up to his childhood home. When he stepped out he was meant with a light morning breeze as he looked at the early morning sky as the light blue of the morning started to seep into the bubblegum pink of dawn. As Sam walked into his old home he was met with the familiar scent of cinnamon mixed with his mom’s vanilla perfume before he heard his 17 soon to be 18-year-old sister Anna running down the stairs before engulfing him in a hug. “Sam you’re home!” she squealed. “Of course I’m home! I couldn’t miss my best friends’ wedding along with the chance to see my favorite sister!” I exclaimed, ruffling her hair affectionately. “Yeah well you know she is back in town, and she is going alone. That means you can ask her-” she starts saying hopefully. “No.” I cut her off fully knowing who she is talking about and I do not want to hear it. She was the one who left me. “I still believe you guys are meant for each other. I could even see it when I was 6 and I mean relationships like that don’t just end with a note!” Anna starts going on with a rant. “Yeah, well hate to break it to you but it didn’t mean that much to her! She is the one who left me. This is not one of your crappy romance novels where after years apart the couple makes up and kisses in the rain” I say angrily practically shouting at her. I feel the cool burn of regret starts to work its way through my bones as I watch her shrink back. “Hey look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You were just trying to help out.” I said guiltily looking down at her. “Hey it’s fine I’m sorry for prying.” Anna says sincerely, shrugging her shoulders. “Why didn’t you start with that?! You know her omelets are my favorite!” I say excitedly my previous mood all but forgotten as I slide my duffel bag off my shoulders before walking into the kitchen. Soon my mom, Anna, and I are all sitting at the table and I am happily eating my omelet with bacon, bell peppers, and mushrooms with a nice cold glass of orange juice. Everything is fine until my mom not so casually says “You know Lily will be at the wedding being Nina’s maid of honor, but she will be flying solo so I was thinking maybe you can ask her to dance or something and catch up.” “Oh, come on! You too! Like I told Anna she was the one that left me not the other way around. If she wanted anything to do with me these past ten years she could have found me. I mean it’s not like I have disappeared off the face of the earth!” I say trying to keep the rising waves of anger out of my voice. “I know sweetie but we have talked to her recently and she feels awful about the way she ended things. Besides there is more to the story than you know.” “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask my anger finally getting the better of me. “I mean when did you guys even talk to her?” I ask. Anna finally pipes up “When she got back to town two weeks ago to help prepare stuff for the wedding she offered to take me and mom out for dinner. At first, I only agreed so I could chew her out about breaking your heart…” she said smiling ever so slightly at him before continuing “but before I could she sat us down and explained the reasoning behind her actions before admitting the way she went about was wrong. Eventually, after talking to her some more we decided to forgive her even though we agreed with her ” “Don’t tell me you guys are on her side too! It was bad enough that I lost two of my best friends because of it, but now my own family as well!” Sam says anger turning into a gut stabbing feeling of betrayal. “No Sam that’s not it all! If you listened to me you would’ve heard us say even we didn’t like the way she handled things at all. Besides like we said there is more to the story than you know.” her sister pleads a dark expression taking over her face as she finishes her sentence. I am saved from responding when the ding-a-ling of the doorbell breaks the tense silence. I abruptly stand up from my chair saying “Let me get that '' all too cheerfully before depositing my half-eaten omelet and empty glass of orange juice in the sink the feeling of hunger all but forgotten. When I open the door I see the last person I wanted to see at that moment. Lily Smith in all her exquisite beauty. For a second we are too stunned to speak then we start to take in each other’s appearance. Even 10 years later she still looks as beautiful as ever I think taking in her old UNC tank top and capris her dirty blond hair sitting right above her shoulders looking much different than her old hair that extended past her shoulders. For a minute I look into her beautiful eyes which remind me of a peacock’s feather vibrant blue mellowed out with shards of jade green that haunt my dreams. For a second I am taken aback by the bags that sit under her round eyes that are dark and heavy. The momentary concern I feel is soon overcome by a wave of hard and brittle rage. So when she shyly offers “Sam! Hi? How are you? It’s been a while…” I snap back “Oh wow so you speak to me again after 10 years. What happened to ‘We are just too different we shouldn’t talk anymore’ because I took that to mean we would never talk again so suffice to say I’m a bit disappointed.” I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty as he watches a flicker of hurt spread across her face she deserves he tries to tell himself. Though she quickly recovers and says “Look Sammy I know I shouldn’t have left things the way I did and I know this doesn’t even begin to cover it but let me say I’m so-” I cut her off and say “If you're here to apologize you’re wasting your time.” “Please Sam let me explain myself please” she pleaded. “You have no right to ask me that. If you really wanted to talk and apologize you would have done so long ago.” I state. “I know you are totally right but-” she tries to push on before I interrupt for a final time and say “If the only reason why you are here is to apologize then you should just leave” “Oh um well okay” she stutters before continuing “well you being here was just a nice surprise I thought I could at least try and talk- but oh well the reason why I was here was to drop off your sister’s dress from the dry cleaners” I finally look down to see a long plastic garment cover laid across her arms. “O-oh” it was my turn to stammer. I quickly picked myself up and said “Sorry about that here let me take that” before picking up the garment cover from her skinny arms. “It’s no problem really. Tell your family I say hi, and if you change your mind about talking feel free to approach me at the wedding” Lily said offering him a small smile before she wrapped her arms around her shoulders as if a strong breeze had just blown past even though the trees were as still as ever and the mid-morning sun beat down in all of its’ glory. Before I could reply she said, “Bye Sam” turning around to make her way back to her car. I couldn’t help but watch as she walked away and as she opened up the passenger door to throw her purse in I could have sworn I had seen a pink breast cancer ribbon tattoo peeking out from behind her hair. I quickly shook it off as a trick from the light as I made my way back inside. “Who was it?” Anna asked as soon as I stepped foot into the kitchen. “Oh um it- it was Lily here to drop off your dress.” I mumble. “Yay!” my sister exclaimed as she practically ran to snatch the dress from my arms. “Did she say anything else?” my mom asked looking up from the sink where she was washing dishes. That question seemed to draw Anna’s attention as she looked up from the garment cover where the first partial inch was unzipped so my sister could admire her dress. It hurt me just a bit to squash the hope in Anna’s eyes as I said “She tried to apologize but I wouldn’t let her.” Before my sister could voice her protests I put out the rest of what I was going to say “You have to understand. This is still really hard for me. It really hurt me when she broke up with me and to have 10 years of radio silence just to have it all come back right away like it never happened is just a bit too much.” “Oh of course honey it’s completely understandable.” my mom says, pulling off her yellow dish gloves. A couple of hours later the three of us are all piled into my car driving up and down the many hills in Ivory Park Gardens with my mom in her simple mid-length plum-colored dress, my sister in her dress that in my own opinion is something too provocative for a girl her age who when confronted about it shrugged it off, and myself in this stuffy suit. My heart couldn’t help but clench when we passed the old gnarled oak tree that sat crested upon the mossy green hill where the wedding would take place below with the old memories it brought. 8th grade was turning out to be a complete mess of a year he thought to himself as he trudged up the hill to where the old oak tree sat. His Uncle Mark had just been recently diagnosed with Stage 3 Lung Cancer and the doctors weren’t hopeful. Then to top it all off, his best friend since 6th grade Carlos had all but left him to date his “precious” Nina and barely spent any time with him. When he got to the top of the hill he was surprised to see legs fitted with worn-out Skechers dangling from one of the lower hanging branches. Usually, this tree was all but abandoned but it seems as if today it wasn’t. Before he could turn around and leave the voice that belonged to the person with the legs called out “Wait don’t go! I saw you struggling up the hill all alone when I was at the top of the tree so I came down because I figured once you got up here you could use some company like me. He craned his neck up so he could see the rest of the person who was talking to him. He saw a girl about his age wearing a t-shirt and jeans and dirty blond hair with magnificent eyes that reminded him of peacock feathers. “Are you sure you want my company?” he asks, stuffing his hands inside his pockets. Soon they realize that they were both trying to escape the unbearable presence of the new couple made up of their best friends. They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing mainly making fun of how sappy Nina and Carlos were. By the end of the day with the sky a sunburst pink with cotton candy clouds he knew Lily was the only one for him. Soon they spent almost every free afternoon in that tree. He finally got the courage to kiss her during their first high school party. The rest was history. He was snapped out of his thoughts when his sister said “Hurry up and drive old mad you have been driving like a mile per hour the past few minutes. “Sorry” I grumbled, pulling into one of the marked parking spots. Soon we are sitting in the wooden folding chairs waiting for the ceremony to start. My breath hitches when I see Lily walking down the aisle as maid of honor arm in arm with Carlos’s brother Nic. She looks breathtaking in a sleeveless lavender dress, her hair is in an elegant updo with a few stray pieces framing her heart-shaped face. Next Carlos and Nina give heartfelt vows and then it is time for the reception with the ceremony space quickly turned into a place with dozens of tables and waiters milling with silver platters. After scanning the crowd he finds the person he was looking for. Lily was standing on the outskirts of the celebration talking to a guy from our old high school. When I got near them I couldn’t help but hear a few snippets of their conversion. “So how’s remission going” Luke the guy asked. “It’s going,” Lily said with a chuckle filled with mirth. “To tell you the truth I didn’t even know you had cancer till I saw your big brother post that you were completely cancer-free three years back.” “Yeah well, I didn’t want word to get out and get swarmed with a huge pity party. I already had enough of that coming from my family.” she said shrugging her shoulders. I didn’t even hear the rest of the conversation because only one thought was swirling around in my head. My Lily flower had cancer. Cancer. Which I didn’t even know about. Not registering what I was doing I was barreling towards them interrupting whatever conversation they were having by saying “Sorry I need to borrow Lily for a minute” and grabbing her wrist and dragged her away to the opposite corner. “Please tell me you didn’t have cancer, Lil,” I said, hating the pain that pierced my voice. I closed my eyes when I saw here softly nod. “When?” I asked through clenched teeth. “After I got my UNC acceptance letter.” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask my anger from earlier that day returning full force. “Because I knew how much it destroyed you to watch cancer tear away at your uncle. There was no guarantee that it was going to work. It was already Stage 3 Breast Cancer and in-incase I didn’t make it I didn’t want to put you through losing somebody else.” “Hate to break it to you but I lost you anyway when you walked out of 5 years together like it was nothing.” I say bitterly. “I know and I’m sorry I was young, stupid, and scared. Scared that you would break up with me because you didn’t want to go through losing somebody because of cancer again.” she says tears forming in her round eyes. My concern for her overrides my anger as I hug her filling my nose with her watermelon cucumber perfume and say “I would never leave you for something like that. How could you even think that?” She lets out a dry chuckle and says “You know while I’m good with actual knowledge logic isn’t my strong suit. The spell is broken when a waiter comes around oblivious and asks us if we want some champagne. I gladly accept while Lily mutters something about how she can’t have it. She must see the expression on my face because she says “Can we talk somewhere private?” I nod and soon we are sitting on our favorite branch of the oak tree. Finally, after the first few minutes of silence, she says “It’s back” in a voice barely above a whisper. “What do you mean?” I ask beginning the universe she doesn’t mean what I think she means. “Cancer. Because hey why not go for round two!” she says with fake amusement in her voice. “Stage 3 if you're wondering. I’m in week 5 of chemo.” It suddenly all makes sense to me the bags under her eyes, her getting cold easily, and not drinking alcohol. “I still love you and I have never stopped. I just wanted to tell you in case I don’t make it.” she says sadly. “No.” I say harshly. “What?” she asks. “No. Don’t say that. Because you are going to get through this because I have no idea what I’m going to do if you don’t. When I see the look on her face I grab her arms and turn her towards me and say “I have never stopped loving you. The world will have to try a lot harder than cancer if they want to take you from me.” We stay there for the rest of the night wrapped in each other's arms. Looking up at the inky black sky freckled with stars I feel the one thing that left my life when Lily left it. Despite everything going against us, I feel it. Hope.