Pop Goes the Weasel

Yesterday 5.13 pm

OMG 🤪

What? What’s wrong Jane. I am cooking dinner!

Have you spoken Pia lately?

Yep, yesterday...why? She is excited about coming home.

So you’ve heard then? About the special freight she is bringing?

Um, yes?  What’s happened? 🤔

She wants to bring the ferret 🙄

Oh FFS 😣

Why? Don’t you want to see her?

Of course I do, she has been away for so long I can’t remember what she looks like.

Love Pia, Love her Ferret 🐹🐱

Yes but she knows how I feel about that rodent. Ugh!!

oh come on it’s just a little furry animal!😾

With teeth AND it stinks!😩 Bloody thing bit my ankles last time I was at their house. I still have scars 🙅

She seems to think that you don’t mind. She thought you loved the ferret!

Really, is that what she said?

Yup, she said that it was going to live in your courtyard until she finds a place of her own In a few months time.

No way I have no room in my life for a rodent👎

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What’s so goddamn funny?

You don’t have a back yard so you are safe from the invasion by ferret!!

😛😛😛 No room for a ferret! What a shame!😼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

Oh you can be so childish sometimes!

Oh, come on Mum have a sense of adventure!

Adventure is hiking the Amazon Rain Forrest with nothing but a tent and a backpack, not babysitting a bloody ferret!

What time does she arrive btw?

Early flight, so she (they 🤣😾) will be at the airport by 8.00 am

Oh FFS why so early, I have Pilates at 7.15 I might not be able to cancel!

Really?? Can’t you just cancel Pilates for tomorrow?? I can’t go because I can’t leave the house remember?

I will have to pay $10 cancellation because I have missed the 12 hour cancellation window!

Really?? Oh God Mum I will pay it. You can miss Pilates for one morning surely!

OK, What do you think they eat?

Pia and and boyfriend are vegan aren’t they? So tofu muffins and seaweed shakes?? 🤣😂😛

No not Pia you silly! The ferret!

Is that what they really eat?? How do you make muffins with tofu???

I dunno I just made it up, but I’m sure that’s a thing?

So the ferret is vegan?

No mum ferrets are carnivores! 

So what do they eat? 

Do you even know what a carnivore is?

Yesss! They eat each other?

Really? Really Mum? That’s a cannibal Mum😩

Oh you know biography  was never my strength! Carnivore, OK I remember now. They eat meat right? A vegan with a meat eater 😂

Biography??? Mum are you for real?

You know what I mean the one where you learn about life cycles and dissect frogs and learn about human bodies!

Have you been drinking?🍷🍷🍷

No, why? 

No reason 🤣

So, what do they eat??

Tofu muffins and seaweed shakes, with almond milk or something. I already told you!

No! the ferret, what does it eat?

Meat mum! Or cat biscuits or something. I don’t know! Dog biscuits?

Aren’t they maternal?

Um, I have no idea and I think it’s a boy isn’t it?

What does it being a boy even have anything to do with it staying awake at night? 😕

Oh FFS Mum…NOCTURNAL!

I thought that was something young teenage boys did?

Yuk! MUM please don’t even go there!

Its only natural, your brother used to do it all the time!

Ok can we get back to the diet of the ferret 😾😾😾

You know how I hate ferets

I don’t think you will need to worry anyway mum

Why?

She will bring food for it 😾😾😾

But I don’t want it here!  Can she leave it at your place?

No! I don’t have a courtyard remember!

Ok well I have to go and make up the spare room.

I don’t think it needs a double bed 🤔

Not for the ferret! For Pia and her boyfriend.

He does have a name you know!😶

What is it again?  Fluffy? Fang? Something starting with F!🤔

Pia’s boyfriend you dummy! Steve. She has been with him for 4 years now!

Jeez! Fluffy! Fang! Maybe that’s what she calls him in the bedroom 😂🤣🤣

The ferret is not going in the bedroom!!!😩

Not the ferret! Mum are you sure you are not drinking?🍷🍷🍷🍷

Ok I am going. I will have to clear out the old cat box and I better find a recipe for those tofu muffins. Where do you get Almond milk?

Ok Mum.  Just remember to pick up some live mice from the pet-shop when you go out today. Apparently they love live food 🐭🐭🐭🐭

WHATTTTT 💩👻🤖🎃😺😽😼😻😹

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🙂

Are you serious? Jane

Jane?

Jane? 

Oh ffs

Today 6.01 am

Jane are you awake?

Yep, only just

What time should I get out to the airport?✈️

Why are you up so early? Probably around 8.30

I need to get some ingredients for lunch. I found a great recipe for tofu muffins!!🍿🍿🍿

Popcorn?

Oh! Is that what that is? 😭😭😭😭😭

Why are you sad?

I’m not sad??

Don’t worry☺️that’s great mum I’m sure they will be delicious

Are you coming over for lunch or brunch?

I can’t!! I’m in isolation remember! Is the ferret going to be there?🙃

Well I assume so. I have been gogling and found out that they are also known as the Eurpoean Pole Cat.

Googling?

Your father said that they didn’t need live mice. You might want to read up on them🙂

What?  Live mice? No thanks! I have seen enough of those running around the flat.

No ferrets!  They can also be trained to use a litter box!

Ok

And they make quite nice pets apparently.

Ok

I thought I might set up a bed for it. Do you think it might like a soft bed? 

No idea Mum

I have an old pillow or some old blankets in the cupboard

Mum, I have to go.

Ok love, we will facebook you around 12.00?

FACETIME! 😩😩😩😩

Today 8.30 am

Are you at the airport mum?

Yes! flight has been delayed.

OK let me know when you are on your way home.

OK

Today 12.00

Mum have they landed yet?

They are here

Great, how does she look?

Can’t talk 

OK?

Today 2.04 pm

Mum?

He’s gone 😢

Who? Dad?

Frederick 😫😩

Who is Frederick??? Where have you been? I have been worried sick 🤢

The Ferret!! 😼😾😭😭😭

Are you laughing or crying?

Crying! 

What happened? Where are Pia and Steve?

Pia is on the phone to the airport 😩😫

Why? I am coming over

Oh Jane, you can’t you’re not supposed to leave your house! it’s all my fault 😖

WHAT!!??

I picked up the box to have a closer look at Frederick and it slipped out of my hands!

The ferret has gone Jane!

Oh

Pia is not talking to me.

If Frederick doesn’t turn up I am never going to forgive myself 🥺☹️🙁😕

Your father is looking on Gumtree to see if we can get a replacement

Oh Mum, I don’t know if that’s what Pia will want. I’m coming over.

Ok but wear a mask then. Can you bring food, I burnt the tofu muffins 😫😫

FML 😠

Do you even know what that means mum?

Yes of course! 🤥