Stars in the city

That’s the thing about the city. It’s so bright it ruins the stars. There’s so much light here that it blinds you and shows us all in an unflattering light. That’s why I like the school planetarium. I sit here with my best friend... and well- maybe my crush. (Okay, okay, he’s 100% my crush but I’ve got good reasons!)  

I love the planetarium because it’s dark. In the darkness we’re the only ones that exist. The rest of the world fades away until there’s nothing but us. My head rests on his shoulder under the stars and I feel like there’s nothing holding me back. I can be anything, or anyone I want to be because he sees me for me. I don’t have to hide what he already knows is there. We have our own world that’s free of strife. He completes me, I compliment him. I feel limitless and untethered to reality. I know that this can’t last forever but I wouldn’t mind if it did.  

I could get used to this. Our little eternity all to ourselves. I look up at him and my chest gets light. I’m so pathetic, I'm so in love with him. His blue eyes are looking upwards, and he’s pointing out different constellations. He’s smiling crookedly. Felix has one of those smiles that makes you feel like you’re missing out the best joke in the universe. It’s kind of subtle and perfect and makes me want to live in this moment. His brown hair falls slightly into his eyes, and it’s a little poufy; it only gets that way if he showered the night before and then slept in it. He looks down at me, and I resist the urge to kiss him right then and there. Then, we both look back up at the stars and I'm content. I’ve never been this comfortable in my life. 

Then, the bell rings, the lights come back on and the stars are gone. It’s blinding and I wince. We’re back to city living. I look over to him and I already miss the darkness. I know study hall is over, but I can’t help but wish it could go on forever. I could spend every day of my life looking at the stars with Felix. I stand and tug on my backpack, turning as Amelia says my name.  

“What’s up?” I ask, tugging my red hair out of the way, then digging around in my pocket for a hair tie.   

“You ready to go?” Travis looks at me expectantly from behind his glasses, glancing behind me momentarily at Felix.  

“Uh, I think I’m going to stay behind for a second,” I say with as much confidence as I can muster, hoping it won’t draw any questions. Of course, it draws them even more. I wonder if it was this hard-to-get alone time in the early 2000’s. I wonder about the early 2000’s a lot. I mean it was a perfect era, save for furry leg warmers... those were a mistake. One of the greatest bands in the world came from that era, and thanks to them, I have something to bond with Felix over: angsty music. 

“What do you mean? We have the same class,” Amelia says, tilting her head to the side. Her straight brown hair hangs down from its ponytail and I try not to get agitated with the duo as I pull out a hair tie. I want to curse angrily but hold my tongue. It’s not their fault they can’t see that all I want to do is spend time alone with Felix.  

“I need to make a pit-stop,” I say quickly. I need to divert suspicion, quick, “But I’ll see you soon?” I straighten my 2000’s emo at heart t-shirt, trying to avoid making eye contact. I know Amelia will see through my lies and call my bullshit if I do.  

“We can all make the pit-stop then,” Amelia insists, and I bite back a frustrated groan. For one of the smartest girls in the grade, Amelia can’t seem to catch a hint. I don’t want to tell her the truth when the real reason is sitting right behind me, scrolling through his phone.  

“Just go, I promise I'll catch up with you,” I say, voice edged with agitation. That’s when it hits Travis. I can see him put two-and-two together. Felix, me, my insistence for my two best friends to go without me. I’m honestly surprised it took him that long to figure it out. His green eyes widen, and he purses his glossed lips together.  

“Come on, let’s go, Amelia,” He says a little too hurriedly, “She needs to do something first, I guess. Stop pushing it,” He grabs her hand and starts tugging her towards the exit, green cardigan fluttering with the sudden movement. 

“it makes no sense,” Amelia protests but allows Travis to drag her out anyways. I turn back to Felix, and he’s smiling in that crooked way again. I am again hit with the urge to kiss him but push it down as. I mean the school planetarium is hardly the most romantic place to make a move. I can’t lie though; I’m starting to get impatient. I just want to move forward already. 

“What?” I ask, trying to figure out why he’s smiling. Did I do something embarrassing? I wouldn’t put it past me. I finally pull my hair up into a messy bun, revealing my brown undercut. I regret not dyeing my hair all red, but it would’ve been a pain to deal with.  

“Your friends are idiots,” he says, and I roll my eyes, “but at least that blonde kid understood what you meant,” he sees right through me every time. Shit. I must redirect the subject or we’re going to get into some awkward territory. 

“Yeah...” I say shrugging, “but they’re smarter than they look. Now come on, we need to get to class.” I gesture for him to come on. I really enjoy walking with him. If I'm lucky, he’ll put his arm around me, 

“Nah, I’m good,” he gives me a lazy smile and stretches out in the chair. “You go on ahead.” 

“Nope,” Oh hell no. I did not just force my friends out for him to ditch me like this, “You’re going to your next class, Mr. High and Mighty senior,” 

“Make me,” he says, and I scoff. I’m sorry. Is that a challenge? I take it as such and stick out my hand. He sticks his out, probably expecting a high-five and instead I tighten both hands around his wrist. He doesn’t even get a moment to ask what I’m doing before I've pulled him out of his seat. 

“Okay,” I reply, shooting him a devilish grin. He pulls on his backpack and I can see him suppress a smile, “Let’s go,” I pull his arm, but he refuses to move, now grinning. I’m a mix of irked and endeared. I can’t decide if I want to punch him or kiss him anymore. I decide to go with secret option 3 and pull with all my strength. He stumbles forward and is shocked. Taking advantage of his surprise, I grip his wrist with both hands and pull his arm over my left shoulder. 

“Damn! Okay!” he’s laughing now and brings his other arm around my shoulders, “You win,” he says in my ear and I fight a blush and some of the thoughts that slide into my head due to the position we’re in. Damn you, teenage brain! We walk like that for a couple feet, and I'm sure I'm blushing like the lovesick fool I am. When we reach the door, he pulls his arms back to open it for me. We enter the loud hallway, crowded with teenagers. That’s another thing about the city. It’s super crowded. I expect him to leave me by this point, because that’s what usually happens. Instead, when I turn to go upstairs, he keeps pace with me. 

“Don’t you have class that way?” I point down the hallway and he just shrugs as if it’s no big deal. Maybe it is, but it feels like a huge deal. Like a monumentally huge deal. He doesn't realize it feels like he just asked me out. I mean, he didn’t, but still. 

“It’s cool, I’ll walk you to class,” Holy Joan Stokes. Oh, my gods. I try not to panic and try not to show how much this means to me. We start up the stairs and I’m for once grateful for my short legs making walks longer. 

“You don’t have to,” I lie, “It’s fine with me if you don’t want to,” I’m such a liar and I’m sure he knows it. 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” He says, and my heart feels like it’s filled with helium. We keep talking about literally whatever comes to mind. Well, nearly everything. His presence tends to make my mind wander and I keep thinking about that instance where I wanted to kiss him. Well, the instances, that is. 

Before I know it, we’re outside my English class. I want to walk right past it, but my teacher, Ms. Saadi, is standing outside the door and she greets both Felix and I with warm smiles.  

“Cassidy, Felix! It’s nice to see you both!” she gives me a knowing smile and I fight another blush. 

“Hey Ms. Saadi,” Felix greets her in that relaxed way he has. For someone who lives in the hustle and bustle of D.C, he takes everything slow. Both of my parents are military, so they’ve instilled the belief that everything should be done quickly and efficiently. Well Felix is the opposite of that in every way. He’s relaxed, smooth and calm no matter what, “how’s it been?” 

“Same as usual, you’re graduating this year, aren’t you?” 

“Sure am,” he says it like it isn’t a milestone of his life. Honestly, he could get mugged, and he’d turn to the nearest person and say, Mondays, am I right? He was hit by a car last year and didn’t tell me. A few days later he was at our usual meeting spot and wearing a cast. Being the concerned friend I was, I asked him what had happened, and he had just dismissed it, saying it was stupid. When I found out about a month ago what had truly happened, I pretty much lost my mind. He just shrugged his shoulders and said he hadn’t thought it was a big deal. The bell rings and I’m broken from my thoughts. 

“That’s my cue,” he says, kisses my forehead and heads off, leaving me with a “see you after school,” and a beet-red face. Ms. Saadi smiles a little and ushers me into class. I’m dazed, my head in the clouds over something so small as a kiss on the forehead. I mean I do that to my friends all the time, but somehow this is different. I sit down next to Travis who is trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but I don’t reply. I’m thinking too much about the boy who’s just made me smile brighter than anyone else. Brighter than all the lights in D.C. 

That’s the thing about the city. You meet the greatest people.