Shine Brightly You 1-Star; Shine Brightly!

Shine Brightly You 1- Star - Shine Brightly!

“As Chairman of this esteemed Senior’s Association it is with pleasure that I ask the membership to please come to order.

Would the Corporate Secretary please have the minutes show that this is the 553 annual general meeting of the Pointed Nose Seniors’ Association. I have purposely limited this meeting’s agenda to one item because I am certain all members will want ample time to think about and discuss the ramifications and nuances of what we are about to decide. I know the news is exciting but please let’s show some appropriate behaviour. We are not riffraff you know. 

ORDER PLEASE! CAN WE HAVE ORDER PLEASE! 

Let me begin by recognizing some new members from the British Isles. I know they must be tired after such a long journey. Ladies and gentlemen I know such a trip is never easy but I hope you will find this one to be well worth your effort. Thank you for coming. Perhaps there are ideas you can take back with you to make your lives more comfortable .

We have excellent attendance today. I am pleased to see that no one was waylaid or worse yet disposed of by any disinfestation officers. We all seem to have learned the best way to avoid such pesky nuisances. 

MEMBERS - THIS IS YOUR SECOND WARNING

Keep the chatter down to a minimum and show some class please! 

I know we all love being groomed and fawned over but this is neither the time nor the place. 

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELVES

Now to business! As many of you know, we have been forcibly evicted by our landlord’s band of killer cats; to abandon the only home most of us have ever known. Their reasoning: the building was long past any useful life and needed to be destroyed. A pox on such a society - I say - a pox but only a small one!

I suspect the real reason was the land housing our home current is extremely valuable and an ideal location for new up scale condominiums. Such is the inevitability of progress Nosers!

Recognizing this changing situation, your Board created an ad hoc Housing Committee. They’ve worked tirelessly over these many months to ferret out an opportunity for a large group such as ours while at the same time ensuring such an opportunity meets our cost and risk tolerances.

I would ask the membership to give a thunderous ovation to the housing committee for all their work.

Thank you.

Order Please

The specifics of the property include a functioning restaurant. Much to the owners dismay, it has just been downgraded to a 1-star establishment. Need I remind you that while many patrons won’t frequent such places, it is made to measure for us Pointed Nosers. 

Their current menu includes all your favourites but should their business decline this location still allows us to revert to your normal opportunistic eating habits. Otherwise, there is plenty of meat and food scraps and lots of garbage. We also recognize that many of you are still young enough to enjoy going outdoors in search of food and this location is a gold mine for scavengers.

I am pleased to report that the location of what I hope will be our new home is at the edge of a slow flowing river stream with low banks and plenty of trees and other vegetation for our boreal members. For those of you who enjoy swimming and fishing, this is truly a dream come true.

The fact that there is a maze of tunnels criss-crossing the entire property not only means we have saved ourselves a lot of work digging new tunnels but have prebuilt natural protection the day we move in.

There are a few things we will have to do to make it more hospitable to all our older seniors. We will have to expand the number of entrances and exits. At our age and because we can’t scurry as well as we used to, we require lots of emergency exits. No problem! In anticipation of your ultimate agreement to take over the property we have already begun this process. Madam Committee Chair, I understand we have gnawed away at the problem to a point where there are only one or two exits left to complete.

As to actual living space, there is plenty of room for everyone. When I look at our membership, I see the majority of us belong either to the Browns or the Roofers Clans. Personally, my family contains one of each. Irrespective of your clan, all spaces are on a first come first served basis. Remember, this is a fully integrated association and clan-based or for that matter, any other form of discrimination will be subject to immediate revocation of membership and denial of entry onto the property.

For you Browns there are some juicy spots either in the restaurant basement or more probably beneath the edges of meandering sidewalks and a massive patio. Roofers, there is still a lot of choice locations in the attic, rafters and eaves. For those who prefer a purely outdoor location and want a river view, there are ideal spots in the trees. I know my mate and I have picked a beautiful spot in the trees overlooking the stream. The sounds of the stream work wonders in helping me sleep.

I’m certain there will be some of you who would like and can afford and effectively defend a second nest. I would ask that you wait until all Nosers have established themselves in their primary nest. Thereafter all remaining spaces are open to whoever claims them but once claimed they are to be considered to be “off the market”. One word of caution. I recognize that with groups as large as ours there is a tendency for stronger individuals to become dominant. I also know that when you ladies are estrous several males will try and mate with you sequentially in order of their social dominance. A warning folks, there is plenty of room for all proclivities but please not in front of the children. 

That concludes my presentation on your new home. Are there any questions or further discussion?

There being no questions or discussion, I would ask for a motion approving the move which, if carried will mean that we can move in anytime.

Moved by Sir Sherlock P. Sherlock of First Avenue fame, seconded by Miss Bianca of Park Avenue; thank you both.

All in favour. Opposed if any. Carried unanimously.

Thank you everyone. This is truly a red letter day for The Pointed Nose Seniors’ Association.

NOW, LETS PARTY!