Who am I?

[Note: Gender Identity]

Robert is a boy who grew up in middle America. His whole life is about sports, girls, and westerns. His father raised him to be a guy's guy, but this mother taught him to be sensitive and respectful. He had many guy friends; they play basketball, baseball, hockey, and football. When he was a little kid, that was his routine. At 13, he has his first crush on a girl name Mary. Mary was your typical sweet girly girl. She is pretty, blonde, wore skirts -- popular. She found Robert really cute. They started passing notes in class writing "I like you; do you like me?", "I like you".

She was his girlfriend the next 3 years in high school. By the time, both of them got their driver's license he'd drive her to her cheerleading practice. He'd be on the football team. One day, Mary invites Robert over to her house to get his opinion for their junior prom. He's not interested in watching her put on a thousand dresses. However, she persuades him if he helps her then she'll help him with his Geometry class that he's failing. And so, she tries on a bunch of dresses that are so bright, he almost got colored blind. He's sitting on her bed bored as Hell.

He's watching a baseball game on his phone. She comes out of her closet dressed in her purple dress. She's annoyed he's not paying attention. He looks up and says she looks nice. She rolls her eyes because he said that comment every time, she wore something different. She makes a comment that boys have it easy all they need to wear is a tux and girls have to wear The Perfect Dress. Robert is a little offended and then thinks for a second, she's right. He laughs it off. She's not amused. He pretends to sympathize but she's not buying it.

She says, "if you think it's so funny to be a girl, you wear it and see what's it like". Robert is stunned. He cannot see himself wearing a girl's outfit. Mary challenges him to try it on. She promises she won't tell his buddies. He takes the challenge and goes in the bathroom to put on the dress. Of course, as he is looking at himself in the mirror disgusting by the sight of a girl dress, yet something happened. He feels the dress, sees his legs imagining if it were feminine. Then touches his chest imagining what it would be like to have boobs. He's startled by the knock at the door.

Mary is concerned if he's okay he's been there too long. He comes out heading to her room. She laughs but is happy to know she still looks better than him. He forgotten it was supposed to be funny and fakes the giggles. Then he gets upset begging to change back into his normal clothes. She agrees. He says to her he understands now. She wasn't expecting him to sympathize that quickly but is appreciated. He comes home immediately heading his room without greeting his parents in the kitchen. He's in his bedroom watching himself in the mirror wondering what happened at Mary's house.

Why was he imagining? What was the point of picturing himself with women parts? Somewhere deep inside he might've enjoyed wearing the dress. He's never worn girl clothing before. What was so intriguing? He goes through his magazines of girls on the cover. Then browses the fashion sections. Instead of eyeballing the girls how attractive they are as fanboys do, he observes their outfits and curves as though he envies them. He looks in the mirror posing the same way the models pose. He is now picturing himself as a feminine version of himself.

If he had a twin sister, he'd look like her. Now that he's thinking about it, why was he attracted to Mary? Is it because she's girly? When he kisses her does he enjoy it? At junior prom night, Robert in his tuxedo and his date Mary in her dress that he wore is showing off. His buddies are praising how lucky he is to be going out with the most popular girl in school. They're wondering if tonight is the night. Will he lose his virginity because that seems to be the norm. However, Robert isn't paying attention at all he's too busy staring at Mary and her friends giggling, drinking punch, showing off their dresses.

Robert gets back on track letting his buddies know he loves Mary he won't do anything she doesn't want to do. They make fun of him being sensitive. He approaches Mary taking her outside to the car. He wants to have sex with her. She hesitates for a second then she caves because she can't resist how handsome he is. They go in the backseat and start making out. He likes to kiss her but can't help feeling her feminine physique which in her mind he's making a move. To her, he wants her right here right now.

She's moving in on him as well, but he stops. She asks if he's all right. He is curious when did she develop. She's confused since he's known her since puberty. She answers 14. He asks how she makes her legs so smooth. She's not sure if he's flirting or stalling sex. She tries playing flirty thinking he's so into her body it's turning him on, however he keeps stopping the action wanting to know how she copes as a woman.

Finally, she asks, "what is this all about?" He doesn't want to tell the truth. He lies and says ever since he tried on her dress, he has more respect for her, and he doesn't want to take advantage of her. No sex that night. Robert in private keeps on pretending to be a girl in his bedroom. He sneaks into his mother's closet to try on some clothing and finding himself enthralled. He watches The Danish Girl film sobbing. A few years later, Robert became Robertta.