The Dance Recital

Sarah was crying - again. She had been crying at the drop of a hat for the last three days. This time, she was crying because her stomach hurt. Earlier, she was crying because she couldn’t find the color that she wanted. Before that, she was crying because her coffee milk wasn’t ready. Every little tiny thing seemed to set her off lately.

         Yesterday, she had cried so much that she made herself sick. If it wasn’t her brother annoying her, then it was her cousin or the cat. Everything annoyed her, and everything made her cry. And now she was complaining that her stomach hurt. Sarah’s grandmother knew why she was so upset, and it wasn’t really over any of the hundred things she claimed to be crying about. Grandma knew that Sarah was really so upset because she was nervous and worried. Grandma got Sarah some medicine to help calm her stomach.

         The real reason that Sarah was crying was because she was freaking out over her dance recital. She had been practicing for months in her classes, and at home as well. She knew the dances backwards and forwards, and she knew that she knew them. However, that knowledge did nothing to ease her jitters. The closer it got to the recital, the more nervous she became.

         Sarah’s grandfather had always been a solid, calming influence for her, but he had passed away almost ten months ago. In the past, she had always known that she could count on looking out in the audience and seeing his big smile, and the glow of pride that would be on his face. Sarah knew that she would not be able to look out in the audience and see his gentle smile this year, or any other year, and this was part of the reason she was so nervous.

         Also, this recital would be missing her great – grandmother, as well. She had other plans on the day of the recital that could not be changed. Therefore, she would not be in attendance, either. Neither would either of her uncles, one for personal reasons and one because he lived out of town, all of which left her with a feeling of abandonment. 

         Deep down, Sarah felt that she must not be a good enough dancer, since most of her family was skipping out on her recital. She figured that if she were better, more people would be interested in seeing her dance. No matter what reasons they gave, she just couldn't shake that feeling. No matter how much her grandmother tried to assure her, she just could not believe that it wasn’t her fault.

         Sarah went to her last dance class before recital with a very heavy heart. She felt like she was letting her teacher, her dance school, her class mates and her grandmother down, but her heart just wasn’t in her dancing this year. Every time she thought about having to dance at recital, the butterflies in her stomach turned into buzzards with huge, flapping wings.

         Grandmother and Sarah tried on her costumes, practiced dances and quick changes between costumes, and made sure they knew exactly how hair and makeup was to be done. None of this did anything to ease Sarah’s jitters.

         Finally, the day of recital came. Sarah felt more terrified than she had ever felt before in her life. She wanted her grandfather to tell her everything would be fine in his soft, calming voice. She wanted one of his big, warm hugs. She wanted to see that gentle smile. 

         Mom offered Sarah breakfast, telling her that she really should eat something. Sarah agreed to a bowl of cereal and some orange juice. It was barely down before it decided to come back up. When she was done, she washed her face and brushed her teeth, then returned to the kitchen for hair and makeup.

         When it was time to get dressed for the first performance, Sarah felt as though she might throw up again, this time all over her beautiful costume. She fought an internal battle with her stomach and won – at least for the time being. Sarah’s mom sat her down to put on her makeup. Sarah was shaking so badly that her mother almost jabbed her in the eye with her eyeliner.

         When Sarah was finally all made up, dressed up, and had her hair up, it was time to head to her first performance. Sarah and her mom left the house to head to the recital. Mom did not help Sarah’s nerves when she turned the wrong way and almost made Sarah late for her first performance. Sarah was shaking so badly that she almost couldn’t strap on her tap shoes.

         After the first performance, which Sarah danced beautifully, she went home with her grandmother. Grandmother offered to feed her lunch, and told her what a wonderful job she had done. Sarah was too nervous to eat. She hoped that her grandfather would have been proud, but she was still terrified about her remaining four dance numbers. 

         When it was time to leave, Sarah’s stomach was in knots. Grandmother gave her some medicine for her stomach and drove her to recital. This performance was the scariest for Sarah, because she had three dance numbers back to back and she had to change between each one. She was so afraid that she wouldn’t make it back on stage in time.

         Back at grandmother’s house, with one performance left, Sarah was feeling somewhat better. She had survived the three numbers in a row and felt pretty confident about her final number. She decided to eat a little something this time. 

         Back at the recital venue for the final time, Sarah knew in her heart that she could handle this. She could feel her grandfather’s presence. She could feel his pride in her and his love for her. She knew that he was there in spirit if not in body. She decided that this last dance was for him, even if she was the only one that knew it.

         Out on stage, Sarah looked out into the audience. She spotted her aunt, her mom, a couple of family friends, and her grandmother. For a brief second, she could have sworn she saw her grandfather there, as well.