Mrs White in the Library with the Lead Piping

‘I rolled another six! That puts me in the library.’ Colonel Mustard laughed heartily through his bushy moustache.

‘You have that look about you, would you like to make an accusation?’ asked Miss Scarlett, fiddling with the hem of her striking red cocktail dress.

‘I would, I’ll write down my conclusions.’

Though the house was empty, other than the players and the staff, the rest of the group still felt the need to keep their voices down while playing in the actual library, especially after hours.

‘Is it true that the house is an exact replica of the game board? Right down to the tiled squares in the corridors?’ Professor Plum asked, sucking on his pipe.

‘Absolutely true’ Miss Scarlett replied. ‘My uncle was a stickler for detail, he even measured the rope to scale.’ She held up the life sized murder weapon for them all to see. ‘Although of course a dagger as tall as a man would never do. He made the rest of the props a more sensible size but he kept them proportionate to the game pieces. The so called revolver, of course it was really modelled on a semi-automatic pistol, actually works! And of course, just like in the original version, the lead piping is made of real lead. He had no respect for the health and safety considerations in the later updates, refused to play them at all in fact.’

‘I suppose health and safety seems an odd consideration in a game about murder.’ Reverend Green laughed nervously.

‘Where is the lead piping anyway?’ Professor Plum looked around, brushing a little ash off his purple smoking jacket.

Colonel Mustard checked the cards in the black envelope in the centre of the board and a smile spread across his face. His five companions clapped and wearily congratulated him for the fourth time.

‘Tell us more about the house, it seems fascinating.’ Professor Plum exhaled a cloud of smoke.

‘My uncle built the house in 2010 to celebrate making his billion. He was obsessed with board games his whole life and absolutely strict about the rules. As children he had us quite scared of breaking them, completely lost his temper on occasion. He would throw lavish parties where everyone played his favourite games and he made great use of this house for that purpose right up until he died.’ She stopped to dab her eyes. ‘At that point it was opened to the public to help fund the maintenance and pay the staff. The secret of his hidden fortune being lost, as he died quite suddenly and before he could pass it on.’

‘Well that’s terrible for the family.’ Said Reverend Green as he ran a finger under his dog collar. ‘Just terrible.’

‘Of course he made many investments in his time, including in some priceless books which he kept in this room. As the librarian of his many collections, I knew the whereabouts of every volume. He would insist on lending even the most valuable ones out, in spite of my advice to the contrary. And that is why you are here. The books I asked you to bring…’ Miss Scarlett glanced across at the five antiquarian leather-bound volumes carefully stacked on the side table. ‘Well, each of you borrowed a unique one from this very library and it was not returned before he died. My uncle said on his deathbed that he could not rest in peace without every last item of his property in its rightful place. I have spent the last twelve months getting his things in order and only the library books remain to be returned.’

‘Well, yes, I brought mine with me, but I had no idea you would demand it back. Dr Black never issued return dates with his books and I still haven’t finished with mine.’ Mrs White pulled her large handbag closer to her.

‘I brought mine too, but like Mrs White I’m not ready to part with it.’ Reverend Green folded his arms.

‘Nor me.’ Mrs Peacock said, toying with the iridescent feathers in her fascinator.

Miss Scarlett observed her guests for a moment, their combined body language was frightfully guarded. As she tried to decide what to say next the resonant echo of a gong shattered the awkward silence.

‘Perhaps we can discuss it over dinner?’ Miss Scarlett stood and motioned towards the door.

The guests all filed out of the library and across the yellow tiles to the dining room. Even the centre space of the game board, where the Murder Cards were located in play, was depicted in a mosaic of the recognisable logo.

Dinner was fruitless for Miss Scarlett, none of her guests were willing to return their books to her for a variety of reasons. Colonel Mustard wanted his son to read his too. Mrs White was still feeling such grief over Dr Black’s death that she could not bring herself to part with the only thing of his she still had in her possession. It was time for Plan B.

‘Thank you Claudette.’ Miss Scarlett said, dismissing the maid with a friendly smile. ‘Well, as everyone has made time in their busy diaries to mark the first anniversary of my uncle’s passing, how about a look around his favourite house? I’m sure you’d all love to see it before you retire upstairs for the night.’

The five guests all nodded their agreement and everyone stood up from the table. Miss Scarlett led the way anti-clockwise round the ground floor, entering the lounge first.

‘Is there really a secret passage?’ asked Mrs Peacock.

‘Yes, of course. If you push against the right hand side of those shelves they will swing open for you and lead through to the conservatory. Perhaps we could all go that way, for fun.’

‘You won’t get me in any secret passage. I’ll just walk across the lobby if it’s all the same to you.’ Said Reverend Green, hands firmly in his pockets.

‘I’ll go with Reverend Green.’ Said Mrs White, clutching her handbag.

Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum and Mrs Peacock stepped gingerly through the gap behind the shelves and Miss Scarlett led the others back out into the lobby. It wasn’t long before they were all reunited in the conservatory, a life-sized portrait of Dr Black swinging away from the wall to allow Colonel Mustard and the others to emerge from the secret passage.

‘Interesting collection of plants.’ Mrs Peacock reached out a gentle hand to touch a cream coloured bloom. ‘Rather lovely.’

‘Yes, my uncle was something of a collector, but I’d suggest you don’t touch them, they are quite delicate. The guided tours give all the details if you’d like to stay for one in the morning.’

‘I actually went on an evening tour in the spring, fascinating, the house has such stories to tell.’ Said Mrs White.

‘The tours have mostly been very successful.’ Said Miss Scarlett as she ushered them all out into the lobby again. ‘But there was one last March that resulted in near disaster. We used to offer candle lit sessions in the evenings to add a little atmosphere. One guest was careless with her over-sized handbag and the resulting fire destroyed much of the next room.’

The group passed through the doors into the billiard room, Mrs White looking flushed, covering her face with a handkerchief and lagging behind.

‘Well it’s looking wonderful tonight, I do like the oak panelling.’ Said Professor Plum.

‘Of course you wouldn’t know now, I had the whole thing redone to match the original designs. I even had exact replicas of the furniture and billiard table hand made so not even my uncle would know the difference. It was sad to see the remains of the originals disposed of though, but not much was left of them.’

Mrs White stayed near the door and was very quiet, almost sheepish as she glanced around the renovated room.

The party made their way around the whole of the ground floor, admiring each room in turn, agreeing that Dr Black’s understated decorations were quite charming. They finally arrived back at the library where Claudette was serving cocktails with tiny flower petals floating in the glasses.

‘Thank you. That looks delicious.’ Said Colonel Mustard taking a drink from the silver tray.

‘I’ll take the one that’s missing its garnish.’ Said Miss Scarlett casting a knowing look at the maid. ‘Has the cook gone home?’

‘Yes Madam.’

Reverend Green, Professor Plum and Mrs Peacock also took their drinks but Mrs White declined.

‘Oh just try a sip, it’s delightfully refreshing.’ Said Miss Scarlett.

‘Thank you but I think I had enough at dinner.’

 ‘Would anyone like another game?’ asked the hostess. ‘Claudette, you may go home but do leave Mrs White’s drink in case she changes her mind.’

‘Oh yes, what a grand idea!’ Said Colonel Mustard gathering the game cards and starting to categorise them.

Mrs Peacock rolled her eyes but took a seat at the table with the others. Claudette placed the remaining cocktail next to Mrs White and left the room.

After a few throws of the dice Professor Plum started to yawn and look at the clock. ‘I do apologise, I seem to be feeling rather weary this evening. It’s not even as late as I thought.’

Reverend Green caught the contagious yawn and covered his mouth. Looking around the table he noticed that Mrs Peacock and Colonel Mustard were also starting to flag and it seemed that only Mrs White and Miss Scarlett were still wide awake.

After another few turns were played Professor Plum started to slump in his chair and Mrs Peacock turned to nudge him but had difficulty. She was seeing double and had lost coordination in her arms.

‘I don’t feel quite well. I think I will have to excuse myself from the game.’ Mrs Peacock’s words were slurred.

‘I’m struggling a little myself.’ Said Colonel Mustard clearing his throat.

Mrs White stared hard at Miss Scarlett. ‘You must have known I’d recognise those flowers in the drinks when I said I’d been on the tour already. Nerium oleander, one of the most deadly plants in the world.’

‘It wasn’t the tour that gave you that knowledge was it? I’m fairly sure they don’t cover it for fear they will be stolen.’

‘Your uncle and I were lovers for many years, he told me a lot more than you might imagine.’

‘Like the whereabouts of his fortune?’

Professor Plum fell forwards and his head hit the table before he collapsed on the floor.

‘Sadly only he knew that, but tonight gives us a chance to ask him, doesn’t it?’

Mrs Peacock started to choke and tried to stand but stumbled over the arm of the sofa and fell in a heap.

‘You knew why I brought you here?’

Colonel Mustard put his hands to his throat and choked for a few moments before he stopped breathing.

‘I knew that returning these books to the library would restore the collections and raise his spirit and I did so much want to see him one last time.’

Reverend Green’s eyes rolled back into his head and he slouched to one side.

‘I didn’t expect that you would kill us all for his money when we refused to give them up. Surely that was unnecessary.’

‘The books have to be fully back in possession of the library to conjure him, as long as they were still loaned out, even if in the right room, he could not return to the house.’ Miss Scarlett reached to the bureau at her side and picked up the life-sized hand gun before opening the drawer below to look for bullets.

Mrs White stood up and opened her handbag, removed the lead piping from inside it and swung at Miss Scarlett, catching her hard on the side of the head. Miss Scarlett staggered and fell back into her arm chair.

Mrs White looked around the room. All of her companions lay lifeless. She made her way to the side table with the five leather bound books on it and examined each one in turn. On checking the shelves it was apparent that there were only five gaps between the other volumes, one for each book. She started to match the books with the subject areas on the shelves and slot them into place. As the final book slid into its home the chandelier shook and the lights dimmed and then flashed. Mrs White picked up the lead piping again.

‘Ursula?’ came a wavering voice from the air.

‘Donald?’

‘It’s been so long.’ A slender man in a charcoal suit shimmered into view and took in the scene before him.

Miss Scarlett stirred in her arm chair, tenderly raising her fingers to the wound on her bloody head. Mrs White spun round and raised the weapon in her hand.

‘Is that my niece? Who did this to her?!’

‘Well, I’m afraid… I’m afraid I did. She tried to poison us, all of us, the others were not as fortunate as I.’

‘Poison? Poison! Poison was only added to the American version in 1988! And not to the British version until 1999! I can’t believe my own flesh and blood would stray so far from the original game, and in my own house! I see you chose a truly authentic weapon my darling. Finish her off!’

Mrs White strode across the room and brought the lead piping down on Miss Scarlett’s head with as much force as she could muster.

‘Now,’ Said Dr Black. ‘My books have been returned and nearly everything is in its rightful place.’

‘Nearly everything? I thought the books were the final items.’

‘There’s only one thing left to do before my soul can depart this world. I need to find a home for my fortune, and I’d love for you to have it. Let me take you to the next room. Bring the dagger. There’s a deposit box key hidden under the baize of the billiard table.’