THE POWER OF WORDS

Words have the power to build and destroy, even the bible says that the power of life and death is in our tongues. Words can heal and hurt. The bible also says that kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. It is important to watch what we say and hear.

Words are more powerful when they are repeated over and over because they get registered into your mind and you starting believing and living your life according to the them. That is why it is important to watch what you listen to because it has the power to be build, destroy, hurt, heal you if you hear it for several times but what matters the most are the things that you say about yourself, they are the ones that will keep you going in life. What are other people say or think of you is none of your business, people will always have something to say and it is not everybody who will love you and want you to succeed in life.

You must speak life upon your own life, don't wait someone else to do it for you. Love yourself; believe in yourself, believe in your gift and believe in your goals and dreams. If you believe that you can make it, nobody can stop you but if you doubt yourself, people can easily pull you down.

I am where I am today because I didn't believe in myself enough to conquer q negativity that people spoke upon my life. I allowed people to make me feel worthless, I allowed people to make me lose focus on my goals of dreams. I allowed people's negativity to stop me from growing and learning new things, I allowed people to dictate how I should do things and I lived my life according to their terms and conditions.

The life that I am living right now is not the life that I wished for, it is not the life that I wanted and prayed for. I never thought that my life would be like this at the age of 30. I thought that I would be living my dream. I thought that I would be working, living in my own apartment, driving my own car, doing everything by myself and building my own empire and living my life to the fullest.

I am always stuck in one place; I am a dependent. I live at my parents' house, I am always begging people to do things for me and I am unemployed. I am applying for jobs and get offers sometimes but I can't go for interviews because I don't have transport to take me there. I don't know what to do about myself; I don't know what I can do earn a living because the only thing that I know that I am good at is writing. I have tried entering writing competitons but I am not winning. There are always better writers than me and I am starting to doubt that I am good at it but I will not give up on it because I love and enjoy writing. Writing to me is not about putting words on paper, it is my voice. It gives me freedom of speech, it gives freedom of expression. Through writing I get a chance to say anything that I want to say without arguing with anyone, I just pour out my heart to the paper, it does not argue and it does not judge.

Writing is self-therapy to me, I write about things that I like, I write about things that I don't like. I write about things that makes me happy and I write about things that makes me sad. I write about my wishes and dreams, the way I would like things to be ; the way things are at the moment and the way that things should be.

All I ask from God is a second chance and I promise to do better this time. My life has been delayed for far too long; that are many things that I should be able to do by now but I can't. I am ashamed to say that I can't cook at the of 30 and it breaks my heart. It makes me feel useless as I was once told that I am pathetic but it didn't bother me at first because I didn't know the meaning. When I found out what it meant I surrendered to it. I started to see myself as a failure that they said I was, I allowed fear to over power me. I got scared to step out of the normal, I got scared to try new things because I was afraid that I would fail. I got scared to do anything.

Fear shattered my dreams, fear delayed my life. Fear allowed people to violate me and to my innocence when I was young and I kept quiet because they threatned me. I was young, I didn't know anything about sex. I thought that it was something that has to be done, I only found out that I was violated when I started schooling because at school they told us not to all allow boys to touch us inappropriately and when they explained how a person get raped that is I realised that I was raped. That is when I realised that my so called 'cousin' raped me, he took my innocence, he took my pride, I was young and didn't know what was happening to me.

I thought that it was something that has to be done because they were six of us in the room, it was 2 by 2, the other 2 cousins were having sex with their sisters and they were comfortable with it. I cried and told him to stop but he told me to wait and continued; when he was satisfied, they all told me not to tell anyone. And I did as I was told. Justice may not be done on earth but it will be done in heaven.

He promised that he will never leave me nor forsake me and I trust him. My God is faithful; he is not a man that she should lie.

His time will come, only God knows when it will come. I will just leave it to the Lord.

Like Nelson Mandela, I say , "NEVER! NEVER! AND NEVER AGAIN SHALL I GIVE PEOPLE POWER OVER MY LIFE!!" I am not going to break but I will bounce back. I will raise again. For as long as I live; I will make my dreams come true.

I will not be silent, I will not hold my peace, I will speak life upon my life until I see the change that I want to see. I will pray until something happens, quitting is not an option!