Contest #158 shortlist ⭐️

Like a Baseball Bat to the Face

Submitted into Contest #158 in response to: Write about a character with questionable morals.... view prompt

107 comments

High School Contemporary American

This story contains themes or mentions of substance abuse.

“I need your car.”

“Carrie, it’s the middle of the night—”

“Simms,” she says in a low voice, unnaturally calm. “Walk back to your bedroom, tell your wife to shut up, grab your keys, and bring them to me.”

“C’mon, Carrie,” he whines. Simms is as petulant as a boy whose mother dotes on him—one of the reasons Carrie dumped him in high school.

Thirty years later, he is just as weak.

“Now, Simms. Hurry.”

Simms turns, complying with her request, not because he loves her—but because he loves his wife far less. 

“Goodness, Simmy! Who is at the door this late? They woke up the dogs…” Two furballs yip in terror, tucking themselves under her girth. 

“It’s Grady from school,” he casually lies, rummaging on his dresser for car keys, grabbing his wallet as an afterthought. 

“Well, I don’t see why whatever it is can’t wait until morning. I have to get up early, Simmy. You know how busy I am.”

“It can’t be helped. Something is wrong with the building’s electrical system. I’ll be back shortly.”

“I wouldn’t have married a high school principal if I knew how chaotic it’d be!” 

She rolls over in a huff, sending the dogs scurrying.

He resists replying. 

What good would it be to say things out loud that he’s not brave enough to admit to himself?

🜋 🜋 🜋

“I need your car, Simms. I don’t need you.” She slams the passenger door shut. He hasn’t sat next to her in a car since prom, but that was a lifetime and a hundred pounds ago.

“Well, Carrie. Tonight you get both. Where are we heading?”

“East Lane in Oaklawn.” She stares straight ahead, ignoring his shocked expression.

“C’mon, Carrie.”

“Drive me there or get out.”

“Are you going to explain any of this?”

Carrie looks out into the night, her face reflected in the window, middle aged, sharp-eyed, full mouth, still beautiful. She wears slim black slacks and a jade green sweater. It brings out the auburn in her hair, faintly graying at the temples. She looks like a shopper at a home goods store, picking out throw pillows.

“What’s wrong with your car?” he asks.

“Repossessed,” she states in her matter-of-fact way. She’d always been a truth teller, her realistic worldview tempering his idealistic one. “I figured if you couldn’t negotiate a cost-of-living adjustment for your faculty, then you could give me a ride.” 

There are shadows under her eyes. She looks exhausted, he thinks. Not like her. Carrie could always fall asleep when they were kids. The library. Mr. Phelps’ Earth Science class. The school bus. Under the bleachers.

“Why are we going to the worst neighborhood in town?” he tries again. “You know what happens over there.”

“I’ve taught at the high school longer than you’ve been in administration, Simms. Of course I know the neighborhoods.”

The silence is heavy between them—like the time she told him she was pregnant. He rubs his bald head, a migraine threatening. 

“C’mon, Carrie,” he says, just above a whisper. “What’s going on?”

She stoically crosses her arms, her gaze straight ahead. Her face is occasionally illuminated by the odd streetlight. 

He leans forward to turn on the radio. She snaps it off. 

Stubborn. God, this woman is stubborn. He shakes his head imperceptibly. She’d shut down like this in meetings whenever he discussed new curriculum or district mandates. She’d met him with a stony face when he told her he was getting married. She’d withdrawn completely when he admitted to cheating on her during his sophomore year of high school. 

🜋 🜋 🜋

They drive across town in the dark. 

The houses grow shabbier, yards cluttered. Vacant storefronts pop up as they continue on. 

Why’d he even come? Simms considers pulling a U-turn, dropping her off, and heading home himself, but neither option particularly appeals to him.

“Park next to Speedee Mart,” she says, clutching her purse with both hands.

“Do you want me to go inside?”

“Do you need to go inside?”

“I think I have to pee,” he admits. 

“Go inside if you want.”

“You aren’t going inside?” 

“No, I’m not.”

Two lanky youths in dark hoodies walk past Simm’s car, heading behind the convenience store. Carrie’s eyes follow them.

“Hey,” Simms says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “C’mon, Carrie. What’s going on?”

“I’m going to need you to not ask me any questions, Simms. Just let me do what I need to do.”

Before she can open the car door, Simms locks it. 

She looks at him, annoyed. He turns his whole body to face her, not knowing what to do with his hands except stare at them.

“Carrie, remember when you visited me at college—the last time we broke up?”

“Simms, we set the Guinness World Record for break ups. You want to narrow it down?”

“The time I got injured on the baseball field.”

“Yep. Broken bat. Senior year.”

“When I said I wanted to see other people, you said it felt like a baseball bat to the face.”

She nodded. 

“Well, that’s how I feel now.”

Silence. 

Carrie begins to tap her foot, anxious to make the transaction and leave. She unlocks the door by hand and starts to get out of the car.

“How many MMEs is Connor up to?” Simms asks.

“Since the back surgery? 240.”

“A week?”

“A day.” 

Simms exhales audibly. MMEs. Opioid dosages are prescribed in morphine milligram equivalents. Her husband is taking three times what is considered safe. As a science teacher, she knows all of this.

“He can’t get another script, Simms.”

“Carrie, you know he can’t sustain that level.”

“You know he doesn’t want to,” she counters. Her eyes water, but even in high school she could hold her emotions in check. He watches as she swallows hard. “I’ve never seen someone in so much pain.”

“You cannot buy him pills, Carrie—that’s assisted suicide.”

“Not buying them is assisted torture!” she replies, more harshly than she wants. “Just let me do what I need to do. No one asked you to come.”

“You’re putting me on the spot. I don’t want to see you break the law. I—I care for you. You know I do.”

“Simms,” Carrie murmurs, eyes closed. “Connor is the only man I’ve known who’s never lied to me—not even once. He’s been an amazing husband and a great father. He's been my best friend for decades—"

"Do you love him?" Simms interrupts, bracing himself for the impact of her response.

"I trust him. Entirely. And that is love without all the nonsense, isn't it?"

"I suppose so," Simms mutters, feeling both sick at heart and foolish.

"At this point, I would do anything to help him find relief. So, I’m going behind this store. You can choose to call the cops, wait for me, or not.”

Simms puts his head in his hands.

“If you want to fire me tomorrow, I can give you my ID and keys.”

“C’mon, Carrie. That’s not necessary.” He shifts in his seat, looking out the driver’s side window. The weight of the years settles on him, the missed opportunities with her, the endless chances. How’d he ever let her go?

“I’ll be back shortly,” she says. 

“Okay. I’ll wait right here,” he lies, watching her navigate the broken concrete parking lot.

In moments, he throws the car door open, quickly catching up with her, watching her do what she needs to do for a better man than he'd ever be.

August 07, 2022 18:49

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107 comments

Russell Norman
11:03 Aug 09, 2022

Great story. Your return to Virginia from the Disneyfied wastelands of Florida, has fuelled your creativity writing engine and you are firing on all cylinders. Both with this story and Medicine Woman.

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13:32 Aug 11, 2022

How did I ever write a word without your unflagging support, Mr. N? Looking forward to creating more content with the best partner a Word Lady could have. Yes on Virginia -- so glad to be home among friends and family. I just wish Jim & I had done this decades ago. :)

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Seán McNicholl
23:30 Aug 08, 2022

Holy moley Deidra! You packed so much into this but it didn’t feel stuffy and didn’t have a lot of lose ends! Absolutely amazing! Beautiful building of the characters. The pacing with it was perfect to. Kept the reason for the journey hidden long enough to have the reader fully invested and then BAM - an emotional kick (or baseball bat to the face!) Loved it!! Thought it was brilliant!

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01:08 Aug 09, 2022

Sean -- You are just the breath of fresh Irish air I needed. Thanks for the moral support and the time you took to read my ramblings. Sending love to your sweet family :) All the best.

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Seán McNicholl
11:58 Aug 09, 2022

Scottish!? 😮

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12:28 Aug 09, 2022

Nae, not Scottish. Irish.

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Daniel R. Hayes
17:04 Aug 08, 2022

Wow, this was another fantastic story. Week after week you give us something fun to read which is amazing because I know how busy you are. This story was a little shorter than your other works, but I still enjoyed it! Great job as always! :)

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17:35 Aug 08, 2022

Wooo Hooo Hey Daniel! Thanks for the love. I just attending the Virginia Writers Conference in Charlottesville and met some amazing people. Check out David Simms (Muse) on Facebook. He writes horror as well and has done two books. I think you'd two would REALLY get along. He's in Staunton, VA. Highly recommend the writers conferences -- great people, door prizes, ideas, etc. The next huge one (300-400) people is in Richmond in October. Check out: https://jamesriverwriters.org/conference2022/ Robert Burns and I are going. I'd love to see ...

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Daniel R. Hayes
17:50 Aug 08, 2022

That's awesome, I'll check him out. Staunton, really isn't that far from Harrisonburg. My first book comes out this Friday, and I'm super excited and nervous at the same time, so I'll definitely look into that conference and see if it's something I could do :)

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01:18 Aug 09, 2022

I cannot wait, Daniel. Please let us all know on the Discord channel (see my bio) and we'll get the word out. Maybe read a chapter on Blue Marble? Russell and I are publishing The Medicine Girl on Amazon as well -- later this week! It's a great week for both of us YAY YAY YAY

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Daniel R. Hayes
06:08 Aug 09, 2022

You are?? That's great! I'll definitely buy a copy for sure!! You guys are great and I love your work. I'll check out that Discord thing as well :)

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Daniel R. Hayes
06:14 Aug 09, 2022

To add to my last message, I just signed up for Discord :)

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08:43 Aug 09, 2022

It’s a party 🎉

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Riel Rosehill
16:46 Aug 08, 2022

Great hook at the beginning! I was wondering what was going on - why she needed his car so urgently in the middle of the night, and what their relationship was. First I thought they were having an affair! Then, when it's revealed she lost her car, and is off to a bad neighborhood my guess was that she wanted to prostitute herself because of money issues. So, all my guesses were wrong! But I like a surprise. And this was interesting: firstly, she is not the kind of character we usually witness buying drugs, neither does she have a usual motiv...

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16:50 Aug 08, 2022

Glad it kept your attention, Riel :) I'm trying to crystalize my diction so every word adds the story. Hopefully it will keep the readers engaged and not skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim like I find myself doing :( YAY - Thanks for the read and the amazing comment. (P.S. Teachers usually bully principals...kinda true.)

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Mike Panasitti
15:57 Aug 08, 2022

This story tackles the prevalence of coping despite endemic dysfunctionality: the dysfunction of romantic relationships, of the inner city, of medical care, of justice and law enforcement, of anything that, if we were to abide by an omnipotent code of morality, would be a no-brainer. But, being humans, we can't be univocal. Our multiple selves make competing claims on our sense of self, and we always seem to be handed menus where we're given choices between bad and worse, or where good is always accompanied with a side of humbling pie. Y...

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17:05 Aug 08, 2022

As usual, you make many salient points. I would argue that everything is a choice. The terms "good" and "bad" are incredibly relative and subject to classism, racism, sexism, and all the -isms. Can a parent steal a loaf of bread to feed a child? Are the animals on the king's land his property -- and serfs can be hung for hunting? When do the laws not apply? Even scripture and philosophy can't agree on what one should or should not do. I wish I could have lunch with you every day, Mike. I'd never eat and just yammer away and listen to you :)

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Mike Panasitti
17:20 Aug 08, 2022

I'd, of course, insist that you eat, take delight in the yammering, and thoroughly enjoy the repartee.

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Jim Firth
15:50 Aug 08, 2022

So much characterisation and backstory with an economy of words; that's the dream for short stories right? My favourite part was when Carrie is talking to Simms outside the Speedee mart as if he is a child, "I think I need to pee", haha. It cracked me up :-)

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17:37 Aug 08, 2022

Thanks, Jim! Just keeping it real. You know how 50 year old men and their bladders are (haha)

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Tommy Goround
11:09 Aug 08, 2022

A READER REACTS TO EACH LINE OF ‘LIKE A BASEBALL BAT TO THE FACE’ BY the lovely Deidra (First read//notes in CAPS) “I need your car.” K “Carrie, it’s the middle of the night—” — “Simms,” she says in a low voice, unnaturally calm. “Walk back to your bedroom, tell your wife to shut up, OMG grab your keys, and bring them to me.” COOL “C’mon, Carrie,” he whines. WAIT, HE HAS 2 BOSSES? Simms is as petulant as a boy whose mother dotes on him too much—one of the reasons she dumped him in high school. OH. I THOUGHT SIMM’S MOTHER DUMPED HIM IN H.S...

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16:59 Aug 08, 2022

Okay, you win for longest comment award. Ever. Like cumulatively... :) LOVE THE NOTES IN CAPS BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE YELLING AT ME. I totally fixed the confusing pronoun (and they are all confusing these days) but I appreciate you helping clean up the possible incestuous relationship early in the story. As for the breakups over the years, the first one is always the worse. I dated someone off and on for seven years -- and I could tell when he checked out and wouldn't call. It felt like a light switch turning off -- a connection broken, b...

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Tommy Goround
10:49 Aug 08, 2022

I found Diane hacker very sexy. Let me read the story now so I'm very afraid to leave any comments without severe spell checks.

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16:52 Aug 08, 2022

Diane...?

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Tommy Goround
20:48 Aug 08, 2022

"A Writer's Reference is the most widely adopted college handbook ever published. " Pardon. I thought the reference was universal. Diane Hacker, "A Writer's Reference".

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20:56 Aug 08, 2022

Oooo. I'm in the club now.

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Tommy Goround
21:07 Aug 08, 2022

Um... You might be too young. This is great-GILF worship. Have you seen Age of Adeline yet?

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21:43 Aug 08, 2022

Yeah. 56. Young… No on Adeline. Worth it?

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20:53 Sep 06, 2023

https://exampledomain.com/?u=XXXXX&o=YYYYY please come in I beg you

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Mary Lewis
16:20 May 09, 2023

I love this. I love that you were able to give so much information about the characters without actually explaining it. Such an excellent representation of how to use dialogue and description to give background details. I was intrigued on several levels- about their relationship, about the relationship between her and her husband, about the present errand she was on. Also love the title and how it connects in several ways! Really well written. Thanks for an interesting read!

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07:10 Jan 06, 2023

Loved this! Really love how action-packed the story is right from the very first sentence. Relationships with a long history can be very complex, which is perfectly portrayed here. The themes of regret and moral ambiguity are dealt with very well.

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Mustang Patty
00:35 Sep 12, 2022

Hi, Deidra, What an excellent weaving of back story and strong storyline within a short. Truly enjoyed! ~MP~

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13:04 Sep 12, 2022

Thanks, MP. Congrats on the new job!

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Amanda Lieser
23:10 Sep 05, 2022

Hi Deidra! Oh my goodness this was another stellar piece by you! Congratulations on getting shortlisted. I love how you set this piece up because I felt like both car scenes were perfect mirrors of each other. I was also highly intrigued with the way you managed to pack so much depth into your characters’ stories. I loved the beautifully tragic imagery you created and the way the dialogue packed a punch with every word. Congratulations once again!

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Rama Shaar
04:40 Aug 27, 2022

I love how this story, though very short, tackles quite a few different types of love!

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17:03 Aug 22, 2022

It wasn't a water of time reading this story. I always love your story, Deidra

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Sarah Hurley
07:20 Aug 21, 2022

The way you captured Carrie was so effortlessly pleasant to read, her strong irritation towards Simms and questionable sympathy which honestly took a turn as at first I thought of Carrie as moody. I liked how deep and meaningful the short phrases in the dialogue were as they added to the mood of the story.

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Kelsey H
08:19 Aug 20, 2022

I don't know what it is about it, but 2 people in a car talking is pretty much the best setting out there, in my opinion. I guess its the combination of character dynamics and being on a journey of some form together. I really enjoyed these two right from the start - great opening lines. Something that I loved was the history between them, and how much of it is just hinted at, but the pressing need of her husband is taking centre stage, and below the surface all these other things are simmering. It gives them context and depth without brea...

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Layla Cole
22:26 Aug 19, 2022

Special thanks to HACK VANISH, a professional hacker I’ve been hiring for the past 2 years because, I find him to be an outstanding hacker who has aided me in various hacking-related issues, ranging from fixing my poor FICO credit score of about 437 TransUnion, 462 Equifax to 802 plus excellent score, tracking my cheating husband’s phone and currently has helped me recover my lost crypto funds from an online scam investment I recently ventured into, I must confess he is the best, quite brilliant, ever since I discovered him through a positiv...

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Layla Cole
22:25 Aug 19, 2022

Special thanks to HACK VANISH, a professional hacker I’ve been hiring for the past 2 years because, I find him to be an outstanding hacker who has aided me in various hacking-related issues, ranging from fixing my poor FICO credit score of about 437 TransUnion, 462 Equifax to 802 plus excellent score, tracking my cheating husband’s phone and currently has helped me recover my lost crypto funds from an online scam investment I recently ventured into, I must confess he is the best, quite brilliant, ever since I discovered him through a positiv...

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Lily Finch
23:32 Aug 17, 2022

The story mimics the characters relationship - I liked that. The action packed starter really grabs the attention of your audience. There is a lot of ground covered in this short space but it comes down to Simms is the leader but he is not the good family man. One he aspires to and the other he lets fall down. Reflected in his marriage and again in Simms' feelings for Carrie (fickle? Nostalgic?Convenient?). "The idealist and the realist" - I like about those two characters. Thank you Diedra, it was a great read. LF6

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