The Play

"You want me to what?" I frowned and leaned closer, not believing what I’d just heard. "You've wanted to do it before." Mr Johnson gave me an encouraging look, and I tried to remember when I had ever wanted to do what he wanted me to do. "Now is your chance! Kelly called in sick. She’s completely lost her voice. You're the only one who knows ALL the lines. There's no one else." "I can't. I know I probably wanted to do it before, but I've changed my mind. Please don't make me do this. I think Sarah is a much better choice. She has an angelic voice!"

"She does. But we need someone who actually knows the lines and the whole story. Sarah hasn’t been to every rehearsal and doesn’t know what happens after the first act. You're the only one who can do this! I think we both know that!”

“I… guess? But I don’t know if I’ll be ready by tonight.” “I believe in you! I called you in early so you could have the stage to rehearse by yourself first before the rest of the cast comes in.”

“Oh, that’s… Thanks?”

“Except for Matt. You need someone to read the other lines with you and he’s the male lead. He will be here soon. I need to finish up some paperwork. I’ll come back for the dress rehearsal. You’ll be fine, Izzy!” Mr Johnson picked up his bag, jumped off the stage and walked out the hall. I just stood there, frozen, palms sweating. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

Could I really do this? Could I really stand in front of hundreds of people and perform the role of Anne? I did write the play script after all. I never expected it to win the competition. I've entered the play script competition every year since it started three years ago. The winner's script would be used for the end-of-year performance. I was so excited when Mr Johnson announced that my script had won! He said I could be as involved as I wanted in the production – from acting to directing and set design, and I would have full creative control. At first I said that I wanted to play Anne, the female lead. I thought it would help me to overcome my performance anxiety and stage fright. I was always the behind-the-scenes kind of person, but for some reason, I said that I wanted to be the lead in my own play. I think Mr Johnson was shocked when he heard that. I guess I thought that if I had rehearsed enough, it would be fine. Mr Johnson said he thought I was very brave but I still had to have an audition, just like everyone else. I think he knew I would probably chicken out or that I was not a good enough performer. Well, he was right. I imagined myself standing on that stage in a hall full of people and I quickly banished that thought and silently thanked him for not letting me in right away. We held an audition for the main cast. Kelly Roberts was by far the best choice. Not only is she beautiful, she has a great voice and is one of the best public speakers, being on the debate team and all. She hadn't actually performed in a play before, but her audition was flawless and she delivered every line perfectly. I was surprised she’d never auditioned for the other plays before. She said that my script really impressed her and she felt a real connection to Anne and wanted to be a part of it. It was like I had written the script for her specifically.

Anne is the exact opposite of me. She is beautiful, confident, powerful and persuasive. She leads a group of students and volunteers to help an innocent classmate who is accused of assault by a rich family. She is convinced that he had been framed and even starts her own investigation and finds evidence that the witnesses had been bribed and threatened to identify the wrong person. She stands up and fights for justice. In fact, she is my grandmother and I wanted to honour her memory by sharing this story. She told me about what she had done two years ago and showed me the photos and newspaper clippings. I remember hearing about it when I was young, but I never knew all the details. I asked her about it for my personal family history project. I was glad that I got to hear the whole story and decided to write about it, because she passed away eight months later. I want to be just like her one day. I was excited and nervous that I now had the chance to actually be her in the play. I was just disappointed that she wasn't here to see it. But I kept feeling these butterflies in my stomach. What if I forget my lines and panic, or trip and fall down on stage? What possessed me to ever think I could perform in front of hundreds of people? I would never get myself involved in any kind of movement or investigation like my grandmother either. I only thought I could do the performance if I had enough time to rehearse and practise but this sudden expectation that I would take over from Kelly last minute is extremely nerve-wracking. I’ve been helping out as a stand-in for people who miss rehearsals, and overseeing the production. I’ve attended every rehearsal, and Mr Johnson has been very encouraging, letting me direct some of the scenes. He said he would be the main director but I could be the co-director and have the final say on the key decisions. I mostly just told him what I wanted and he would tell the cast and crew. I really enjoyed the process and I was excited to see people perform in a play that I had written. I wasn’t really expecting to perform in it. I was relieved when I found out Kelly would be the lead. I don't even know if I can deliver all the lines and remember where to stand and move. I probably should have seen it coming when Kelly came in with a mild cough two days ago. I got a bit worried but I still thought she could make it through to performance night. Now, I have exactly nine hours to prepare and rehearse.

On top of this, I need to not blush in front Matt. After he auditioned for the play and got the male lead as Grant (also Anne's love interest), I started seeing him in a different light. He's been extremely nice to me, too. He comes over to chat with me during breaks and shares his snacks with me. The first few times he did it, I didn't think much of it, but it became this regular thing every rehearsal. Some of the other girls started staring and giggling whenever he approached me. I started to get nervous around him and didn't know what to do or say when he came over. One day, I said that I needed to make some script changes during the rehearsal break and that I needed some quiet time. The following rehearsal, I made sure to bring my earphones and stuffed them in my ears as soon as break started, so he wouldn't disturb me. He looked a bit disappointed, but I didn't want anyone thinking there was something going on and I didn't want to like him as much I did. I figured keeping some distance would help. It has not. Now, whenever he walks by or glances at me, I turn the other way, mostly because I know I am blushing and I can't let him see me like that! And in nine hours, I have to let him hug me and then stare each other in the eyes for ten seconds in the last scene. In my original script, they kiss, but Mr Johnson said we couldn't have that in a school play, so I ended it with them staring at each other and then fades to black. Thank God it’s just staring now! But how am I possibly going to do this if I can't even look him in the eye for more than two seconds!

"Hey, Iz!" I jumped at the sound of his voice. Matt is HERE! How long have I been standing here?

"...Hey!" I felt my cheeks burn and started to turn away.

"You know you're going to need to look at me for more than two seconds in that last scene.”

OH MY GOD! Did I say that out loud or did he read my mind?

“Mr Johnson called me and told me to come in early to rehearse with you before the final dress rehearsal. We should get started now."

"Umm... yeah. No. I'm sorry… Nervous…" I could no longer put words together to form proper sentences.

"You wrote the script, didn't you? I don't know what why you're so nervous about performing in it," he said. He put his backpack down on a seat in the front row and leaped up onto the stage.

"Well, it was... unexpected and sudden, so I'm a bit nervous." Very nervous. He walked towards me slowly.

"I hope it's not because of me," he smiled awkwardly and lowered his head. I winced and forced a fake smile.

"Whhyy would you think that?"

"I just have this feeling... you started avoiding me for some reason and wouldn't even look at me."

"... I..." My cheeks burned and I could feel a drop of sweat rolling down my spine. "You're blushing," he said, stating the obvious.

"Look, we don't have much time to rehearse and I can't have you blush whenever you look at me."

Kill me now!

“And I’ve been wanting to tell you something, but I chickened out and then you started avoiding and ignoring me. Anyway, now we are forced to talk to each other, so I’m just going to say it before you start avoiding me again…” He paused and looked me straight in the eyes. He reached for my hands and held them up to his chest.

“Izzy Lee…” He paused. He took a deep breath. He blinked twice – his gaze went from my eyes to my lips and back up again. He let out his breath, put my hands down and continued.

“The first time I ever performed on stage, I wet my pants,” he said with the most serious look on his face. I couldn’t contain my laughter and almost spat in his face! After I composed myself and stopped laughing, I asked, “Why are you telling me that?”

“I’m telling you the most embarrassing moment of my life to hopefully make you less nervous. Is it working?” he asked with a grin.

“Ok… Yes, I guess it is working! Is that really true, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

“It is true! I was twelve. I literally begged my mum to change schools after that and that’s how I ended up here four years ago. And if you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll never speak to you again!” he warned.

“Ok, I promise not to tell!” He held up his pinkie and I curled mine around his. “Pinkie swear! I mean it! I’ll never speak to you again if you tell anyone!”

“Ok! Ok!” I felt a strange weight had been lifted off and I wasn’t blushing anymore. “Is that really what you wanted to tell me? I thought it might have been about something else.” I guess I expected something more romantic with that build-up. My heart started to race and I regretted it the moment I’d said it.

“Well, there was something else I wanted to tell you but it will have to wait until after the play. I don’t want it make things weird.” More weird than it already is?

“Anyway, we’d better start rehearsing now or we’re going to embarrass ourselves tonight in front of hundreds of people.”

“Just make sure you go to the bathroom before the play and you’ll be fine!” I joked.

“I’m glad that my most embarrassing moment can make you laugh and calm your nerves,” he said. “But now I’m starting to regret telling you if you’re going to make fun of me about it!”

“Sorry! That was the last time and I will never mention it again!”

“Good!” he smiled and gave me a little shove on the shoulder. I took out the script from my bag to check the opening scene and took my place on the stage.

“You are going to be great! Let’s do this!”

------

We got through the whole script once in one hour. I did Anne’s lines while Matt did all the others. I was surprised that I could remember almost everything without looking at the script. Matt only had to give me a couple of hints to remind me of the ones I’d blanked on. But I got through it all – without blushing or panicking or hyperventilating – even the final scene. We rehearsed the scenes I had difficulty with again until the rest of the cast showed up for the final dress rehearsal. I checked the time. Four hours until showtime. We had time for one full rehearsal after dress and make-up before the doors opened. I got into my costume, and sat in front of the mirror, waiting for the make-up artist to come. Matt took a seat next to me and asked, “Still nervous?”

“I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart is beating faster than usual. So, yeah!”

“I get that too. It’s completely normal before any performance. You just have to remember that this play is not about those people out there. It’s not even about you. You have an important story that needs to be told. That’s what this is about. Don’t worry about what those people will think of you. Think about what why they need to see this incredible play. You have already impressed everyone with the script. They are here because of the story, not because of you or me or anyone else. Don’t perform for an audience. Perform for the story and the message you want people to hear, and all the people the story represents. Do it for your grandmother. She’s the only one you need to think about and I’m sure that she is already so proud of you.”

I was speechless. I got all caught up in the performance of it all thinking about what people would think of me, I forgot about why I wrote this play in the first place. It wasn’t to show off my acting skills or my writing skills, or even to prove that I could do it. It was to share an important story and a message to people. Matt reminded me about my why. My grandmother. But how did Matt know that? I don’t remember telling him about that. I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer, remembering what my grandmother had always told me. God has already given us exactly what we need – all our gifts and talents, our family, friends, resources, even our weaknesses, everything we have are designed specifically to fulfil His purpose. If God wants us to do something, He will give us just enough strength and courage to do it, even if it is something we have never done before or are afraid to do. It seems silly to feel anxious about performing on stage. I took a deep breath and asked God to fill me with courage, strength and confidence. I opened my eyes and saw Matt staring at me. “How did you know the play was about my grandmother?” I asked.

“That’s actually what I wanted to tell you.” I waited for him to continue but he didn’t say anything. He actually looked a little nervous. “I promise to tell you after the play. It’s a long story and we don’t really have time to get into it.”

“Oh, ok. Sure.” He smiled and held out his fist for a fist bump. I gently bumped it with my fist and smiled back.

“Break a leg!” he said.

-------

I couldn’t believe it. Everyone in the hall was standing and clapping, cheering and whistling. I turned to look at Matt. He had the biggest smile on his face! The whole cast bowed and waited until the curtain closed in front of us. I couldn’t move. I was elated and felt like I was floating, in a dream. Matt walked towards me. My heart started to race again. He looked right at me and began. “My grandfather knew your grandmother. He was the one who was wrongly accused. If your grandmother hadn't helped him, he would have been sent to prison. He wouldn't have had a family and I never would have been born."

I couldn't believe it. Matt's grandfather?

"I think you have written an incredible play and tonight's performance was amazing! Your grandmother would have been so proud!" It was a voice I didn't recognise. I turned to see who it was.

"Izzy, this is my grandfather."