You Killed Me Too

“Rosie, promise me you won’t tell anyone.” Jacklyn quietly pleaded. Her hands grabbed my shoulders, desperately trying to see if I would say anything.

“Jacklyn I promise I won’t now please just tell me what is going on? You literally dragged me out of my house for this.” I said, hoping that I had convinced her enough. “We had drove for over an hour now, just to meet up at the park? You are honestly kinda scaring me right now.” I said, hoping to just laugh it off. Hoping it wasn’t anything serious. 

She looked up at me and said something, but I couldn’t quite catch it “What?” I asked

“Those were my drugs” She mumbled a bit louder.

“He almost died.” I could barely look at her as I remembered Charlie lying on the ground. 

“I didn’t know he was new” she tried to defend herself.

New, Charlie was new. That’s the word everyone used at our school. Freshman year, there is a party. Known by the faculty, but never stopped. It introduces you to the next terrible years of your life at Roosevelt Memorial High School. Then, you are introduced to the only possible way to get through it. Drugs. 

Some kids managed to avoid them like Charlie. He was a junior and he hadn’t even touched anything. Even though I never wanted to be with him, something inside of me loved Charlie. More than Jacklyn could ever know. But then, as everyone always does, Charlie broke. He just wanted to try it. That’s all he said. 

It was 7th period. He took the drugs at lunch. I was walking down the hall to go to the bathroom when I saw him. Lying there on the ground, barely two steps away from the bathroom. As I ran up to him, I stumbled over my feet, trying to get there trying to get to him soon as possible. Tears rolled down my face and onto his champion shirt as I checked his pulse. Bump ………. Bump ………. Bump. I could feel his slow pulse flutter away. I shrieked for help, my voice cracking at the seams as I gurgled for air with every tear. 

The teachers rushed in, the EMT’s were called, they arrived and I was moved from Charlie, I know I was hysterical but I swear his hand reached out as I left. For a split second I forgot about what was happening. Who gave him the drugs? That question seemed to flow through my veins sharper than any needle ever had. Then I heard them say it “NO PULSE” the EMT’s voice carried through the halls, I could hear the collective gasp of glossy eyed students follow the yell, I could feel my teacher clutch my arm tighter as I started to pull forward. He wasn’t breathing when they put him on the stretcher, yet I could still hear the EMT’s pumping his chest. They wouldn’t give up on him. I wouldn’t give up on him. 

When I visited him in the hospital the next day the doctor told me he was legally dead for four minutes. They thanked me for finding him, telling me that I saved him. I should've done more, I should've stopped him from taking the drugs. How could Jacklyn do this to me?

I stared deep into her, what I could only describe as, soulless eyes. I knew she didn’t care about Charlie. She didn’t feel bad for him, she felt bad for me. And that was the worst part. She should be apologizing to Charlie not me. 

Even though I knew deep down exactly how our fight would end I could feel words huffing up my throat. I need answers, even if I don’t want to hear them. I couldn’t help myself from shouting. 

“Jacklyn, I… how?” I asked. “You should’ve been more careful!” I started to say louder. “It was Charlie, Jacklyn. Do you even know who he was before you gave him the drugs?” 

She turned her head shamefully away from me, which gave me the answer before she had even said anything. “I’m sorry.” 

A cloudy smoke started to rise throughout my body. “How could you be so naive?” I shouted, not caring about the world around us. “I thought you were better than this.” I yelled, my arms flailing around hysterically. My tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. 

“I didn’t know! I didn't know! I didn’t know!” Jacklyn yelled frantically, her voice became a high pitched squeal with every word. “It’s not like I killed you!” She tried to defend herself.

“Well you did!” I shouted back, louder than I thought I could ever speak, I looked into her confused eyes. “I never wanted this. I wanted to be innocent, pure. I wanted to be sober, Jacklyn. I wanted to be like Charlie, he was my dream. He was a junior and he did nothing, nobody has ever made it that long. I thought I could, and then you took me to that party… and you killed me. And now you killed my dream too. I’m gonna go, have fun with your poison.”

As she took a step towards me, I took two backwards, not wanting to be anywhere near her anymore. 

I shook my head. “I trusted you.” I said, turning away, now walking back into my own house, leaving her behind me.

“Rosie please don’t leave me. I don’t have anyone else.” She said. 

I stopped at the car door, turning around to take one final look at her. Her hands over her face, trying to block me from seeing the tears spilling out. Her wearing the same clothing as Friday, the night I realized how much I had actually loved Charlie. The night I realized she killed me slowly, piece by piece.

“Don’t worry Jacklyn, I still love you, I’ll see you tomorrow ok.” I bit my tongue and let out one final tear as I said goodbye to Jacklyn for the very last time.