Life Choices

Life is supposed to be about making one big decision, deciding who you are meant to be. But let's face it, if we make the wrong choice you'll never know. You'll be stuck in the same misery for the rest of your life. Like me, I have so many careers in mind. All my life I've dreamt about working fashion. From designing clothes to doing celebrity makeup. I also want to be a lawyer so that I can argue and talk. It's so difficult to choose one career and stick with it. Both are fun and require moving away. I want to move to New York to pursue my career, but I'm not sure if it's the right decision. I have many things standing in the way of me and my career. My parents, self-confidence, money, even my friendships. If I move I won't have the same relationships with my friends. I feel guilty when I have a better life then anyone does, especially my friends and family. But at the same time, if I leave I'd make money and send them a couple hundred every two months. Moreover if I become a lawyer I can make many dreams come true, defend victims the right way, and help my parents finally get what they need. It's the perfect job, yet being a fashionista would bring my fun side. I'd love it and finally have the chance to organize and make patterns the way I want. But at the same time I also love building and mechanic stuff. Hands on activities are the best. Protecting people has been my main priority my whole life, maybe I should study criminology. When I make my big decision I’ll have in mind that there are no do overs you only live one life with your information. Yes, there might be reincarnation. But there's only ever one you. Only one life where you get to feel a certain way. Know certain things, think certain things. You won't get another chance to be the you, you are now. Thinking about it applies this extra pressure, a pressure I’ve come to like. I like it because it helps me make right decisions. It may not be fun and easy, but that is life. We all choose, we all decide, we all get the chance to live. Therefore, this might be the decision that determines whether I live or not. There’s a difference between living and not dying. I want to live.

I suddenly wake with the sound of, “Hey, have you decided yet?”. That seems to be the topic of the year. As I am supposed to get into college this year. “No.”, I say in a tone which you can tell I’m annoyed by the word itself, “decision”. I specifically told my family and friends not to pressure me or ask. Seems as if I’m paying them to ask. So, I decided to go on a trip for two days of summer vacation. Which today is that day. Finally, I’ve always wanted to have the freedom to leave. But I’m afraid of leaving and not wanting to return. The thought of being on my own brings a tingle to my stomach. Alas, I’ll be free. Well, at least for two days. But, like my parents say. You define yourself. You decide what you want to do, who you want to be. That is why my name is Alex. Beautiful, yet neutral. It’s a name for no specific gender. It can be a boy or girl name. I love my name. I feel as if no one can control me with a name like mine. It’s like the color yellow, bright, beautiful, neutral. “Alex, estas lista?”, my mom asks. “Si, los vamos?”, I respond with a thrill. What feels like days in a plane comes to an end. Although, I wish it had lasted longer, it was amazing. I was high up in the sky. Blue sky, white, fluffy clouds just feet away from me. Finally, I feel at home when I’m alone. I had drifted to sleep, listening to July by Noah Cyrus. 

The cliffs of Moher, Ireland. Breathtaking view, makes me want to sleep in this peaceful breeze. Here I’ll have time to think for myself. I sit here staring at the ocean. A dangerous, yet beautiful sea of wonder. I love an adventure. I love the adrenaline. “I have always wanted to go skydiving, maybe I should.”, I whisper to the familiar scent of summer vacation. This is my life. Having to get away from everyone in order to make the choice that feels right. It might not be a big deal to many people, but I’m not many people. I wish I can say I have a unique soul, I admire anyone with a unique soul, but not me. I just like making others feel special. And I also choose my friends very carefully. Funny, sarcastic, loyal, honest, kind, but, also tough. I stand to get a better view of the ocean. I walk towards the cliff, wanting to jump and see if I fly. I can’t believe I get two days to get a look at this amazing view. God, I should have brought some ice cream. I will be camping out, so I brought a picnic basket to last three days, just in case I need a snack. I’ve always wanted to go camping. When I was younger I wasn’t able to go to any field trips that required leaving town, or near any mountains. As a child I loved taking risks. Choices I made that led me to not being afraid as much. It was getting dark so I started to build my tent, which was fun. Being able to move around and build stuff made me happy. Although, something that made me more happy was finally getting some rest. I drift off to sleep thinking of the future and the choices my parents made that lead up to this exact moment. They gave me my freedom, always. And for that I’m grateful. As they chose who to be, so will I. 

I woke up to the most, not annoying, sound. Waves crashing, water running. Takes me back to my childhood. When my parents were arguing I showered. Listening to the water run calmed me. The water consuming my body felt amazing. As it took control and cleared my mind completely. Deleting all my worries. Music had the same affect on me. The music went from one ear to the other. Instead of escaping, I kept it hostile. The soothing sounds of people singing. No more screams, arguing, ringing, just music. What a beautiful morning. Truly beautiful, breathtaking. I knew I had to get back to making a choice, so for the rest of the day I sat at the edge of the cliff, my legs hanging, thinking. 

So I thought to myself, I want more of this. More cool sights, more easy mornings. I want adrenaline, adventure. I don’t want to dedicate my life to one simple job. I’m going to think big. One year of law school, then take business class. I can be a lawyer and start my own business. It will be based on protecting people, fashion, and maybe even make some dreams come true. I’d also be in court most days, defending victims. Victims who weren’t given justice. Help them gain peace of mind, something my family never had. Maybe move to New York. That’s where I want my business. Then, travel the world. Go skydiving, rock climbing, camping, everything. As I travel I’ll help those in need. Start a charity to help the homeless. Being homeless isn’t something to be disgusted of. It should, mostly, make people proud. Being homeless means you haven’t given up. Which is what all people do, they commit suicide. That’s where I come in. I buy land and build houses. Let those with no home stay there until they get a job and find a proper home. It feels like the right thing to do. Plus, I’d be able to travel the world in order to buy land all over the world. Yes, it feels so right. 

I stand, almost falling off the edge. But gain my balance. I made my choice. I’d protect people and have fun. Help people fulfill there dreams. And I’d obviously have to learn some self-defense, because the houses I build will also be for victims. Yes, wow I’ve been struggling for four years, trying to figure out who to be. “OH, maybe I’ll even adopt a pig! Yes! And I can adopt a child. A baby of course so that the mom won’t have to get an abortion. Wow, I’m smart. Well, sort of.”, I said to myself. I can’t help but smile. I’m truly happy, glad. Wow, I have never used that word before. It feels like I finally got a weight off my stomach or back. I forget stuff.

And just like that, I figured out what to do with my life. I didn’t want to go home just yet. When I get home I’ll have to choose what University to attend to. Just great, more choosing. Now I know to do whatever feels right. It can’t be that hard. “Can it?...”, I thought out loud. I decided to call my mom. “Hola Ma”, I say, “ Que paso?”, she asks. “Pues, quiero quedarme por un rato mas para hacer paracaidismo.”, I said nervous, waiting for her response. “Esta bien Alex, PERO…”, she states. “Si….”, I ask. “Tus amigas quieren pagar por ello.”, she says. “Wait, estas en altavoz? Estas saliendo con mis amigas? Ma—“, I ask. “No te puedo entender. Que? Okay byeee.”, she says nervously. Well, at least she let me, so I won’t bug her. She’s probably drunk, which is weird. I should call my dad. Nah. They’re fine.

And so I stayed to go skydiving. I was ready to take the next step into my new life, or risk. Either way, it’s a fun one. I boarded the plane, 18,000 feet from earth’s crust, I’m ready. A person will be jumping with me to open the parachute. Still, no offense person, but I’m just going to act as if I’m alone. I jumped, it was time. I felt the air escape my lungs for a moment. The view is just, I have no words. It’s stunning, astonishing. I love everything about it. The wind, the emptiness, in a good way, in the best way actually. The adrenaline pumping in my veins. Every hair in my body stands, wanting to greet this amazing view. An experience to never forget. Everything is so small and beautiful from here. Obviously, I chose to land in the cliffs of Moher. Close to the ground, I shut my eyes tight. For now I can smell the ocean. I smile and that’s when it comes to an end. The beginning of a new chapter in the story of my life. A life in which I’m me. Life is a gift I plan on unwrapping slowly and carefully. And cherish what awaits inside the wrapping paper.