The Classic Early-Relationship Conundrums

Your phone is buzzing. You should probably check who it is. You’re pretty sure you know who it is, but hey, it could be Jacey informing you that she’s in the middle of a walk of shame and she’s craving waffles and maybe you want to hit up that eggcellent brunch spot around the corner. That could be pretty great because you could really go for pancakes about now, but you’re also feeling pretty lethargic and you’re comfortably curled up on the floor by your heater wrapped in a blanket. Maybe you don’t need to check your phone. 

Your phone buzzes again. Jacey wouldn’t call twice, she’d simply settle for frozen waffles and stop at the kinda sketchy gas station store three blocks from home. 

At this point you can’t pretend you don’t know who’s texting. 

You’re pretty sure it’s supposed to rain today. At least when you checked the forecast on Wednesday it was supposed to rain. But it’s been sunny as fuck for the past two days and even though the forecast said it would rain, and even though you did your best to pull the blinds shut as tightly as possible you’re pretty sure you can see pure undeniable sunlight peaking through. 

No, you’re sure it’s going to rain today, it’s no day for a picnic, or a sunset walk, or any sort of ambient walk or outdoor activity. Not that you can’t come up with at least three good ideas for an indoor date off the top of your head, but rain is an excuse to cancel. 

You said it yourself, it’s just an excuse. Not a reason. What exactly, then, is the reason to cancel? Last week you told him how much you liked seeing him and how nice it was to find someone who liked making homemade nachos and watching Archer as much as you do. 

Why is your phone buzzing so much anyways? Does he not understand the taboo that is the Double Text? Not that you’ve ever believed in playing The Game, you don’t need to wait precisely 35 minutes before replying to any boy’s texts before the 3rd date has passed, and precisely 12 minutes before replying to a text before you’re seeing each other more than once a week. No, you don’t buy into this kind of nonsense propagated by lame gossip magazines. But that still doesn’t excuse a double-text this early in the relationship. 

At this point you realize all you’ve been doing for the past hour is nurse the same cup of instant coffee, stare at the wall and contemplate whether or not to check your phone. It’s becoming a bit ridiculous, really, just check your phone and move on with your day. 

You finish the now-cold coffee, not that cold coffee has never bothered you, you know you’ll always finish the cup eventually. You reach for your phone, your finger hovering over the home button. It’s your mum, you left a top she knows you like at her place when you visited last month and she found it in your laundry basket.

He really hasn’t messaged. You’re supposed to meet him at either 4 or 5 or 5:30 and he still hasn’t messaged to confirm? Maybe he forgot. Maybe it really did bother him the way you tried to bite your sushi rolls in half at dinner on Monday because they looked too big for one bite but then they all fell apart and then you had to stuff the whole roll in your mouth at once anyway. That could’ve been a huge turnoff. 

“Honey, I’m hooooome” An exuberant Jacey is bouncing through the door, startling you. In her hand she triumphantly holds a package of toaster waffles. You notice she doesn’t look like she’s just been out in the rain. “You won’t believe what I found.”

“No way, the cinnamon blueberry toaster waffles?? How did you find those we’ve checked everywhere?!” She has your attention. 

“Everywhere except the corner store above the boy’s residence hall. Tell me you haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“I haven’t had breakfast yet.” You shed your blanket and head to the bathroom. You haven’t really looked at yourself yet today. Your hair could use a comb, but your skin has been pretty good recently, pretty clear. “Hold on, I’m gonna take a quick shower, waffle mountain in 20?”

“Fuck. Yes. But wait, I gotta shower too, be quick.” 

20 minutes later you and Jacey are sitting in casual Sunday clothes, towel turbans and matching fuzzy slippers with a legitimately huge plate of waffles on the table. Next to the waffles sit an aesthetically pleasing array of toppings each in a small white dish. You have berries, a baby pitcher of syrup, chocolate chips and vanilla yogurt as an only-slightly healthier whipped cream substitute. Jacey whips out her phone for a quick instagram story.

“So tell me about last night” you say as you start to pile toppings onto your first waffle. 

“Well” Jacey is meticulously assembling a picture perfect waffle “you know I hit up country night with the girls. You really didn’t miss much, Karen spent almost two hours doing her hair, we got there so late, I guess it also had something to do with the phenomenal sangria Kaley made.”

Jacey proceeds to tell you all about her evening. She’s the type of person that always has a story to tell, maybe she’s just really good at telling the story and what happens to her isn’t actually that out of the ordinary. You and Jacey gossip all morning, and you somehow manage to avoid bringing ~him~ up, but Jacey is too smart not to notice.

“So, what time are you seeing Ben tonight?” She inquiries with a smirk as she starts to clear up the dishes.

You feel you’re cheeks getting hot. “Not sure, we haven’t confirmed yet.”

Jacey saunters across the room, picks up your phone and places it in front of you. She continues her nonchalant dishwashing while you stare at your phone. 

You have one new text message. 

• 5:30 at Sunset Park. Bring your favourite beer. 

“We’re meeting at 5:30 at sunset park” you relay to Jacey. 

“Ooh romantic” Jacey sing-songs back, “now what are you going to wear?”

It’s time for a whole new round of semi-anxious hypothesizing, this time about the most appropriate seventh-date outfit. The classic conundrums of a new relationship, it’s panic-inducing and exciting all at the same time. The fear followed by relief followed by a new fear to debate. 

You figure you must like this guy quite a bit.