THE BAD BOYS

“Will Ben Chemote please step forward?”

They pronounced my name wrong, I think as I step forward. Stay calm Ben, stay calm. I glance at my hand to double check that it’s not shaking. You may feel scared on the inside, Ben, but on the outside you are as cool as a cheesecake. You got this. I step through the door and close it behind me. 

“Welcome to the first season of The Bad Boys, Ben! First of all, I want to congratulate you on getting in!”

“Thank you!” Nailed it.

“Gosh, I haven’t even introduced myself! My bad! I’m Rutherford, your host this season! Hopefully you won’t be seeing me much because if you do that means that either you won or… Wa-Wa-waaaa!” 

I force myself to laugh so hard that I’m positive that they will tune down the audio on that cut so that it doesn’t hurt the viewers at home’s ears. 

“So now onto… rules. There are three categories of people: citizens, cops, annnnd thieves. Let’s start with citizens. The citizens' job is simple: Have fun, make money, and follow the rules. If we see a citizen joining the thieves…” Rutherford makes a slitting motion across his neck. I gulp, realizing that that has a literal meaning. “Each citizen will most likely be put in a couple or a family. Remember, your real age doesn’t matter in the City so you… how old are you?”

“Sixteen.” I reply. 

“So you, a sixteen-year-old may be a parent to a 52 year-old. Or a twelve year old could be the parent of you. You live in houses just big enough for your family, so it may get a bit tightly packed in there. I recommend that you try and get out of the house as much as you can. Each citizen will be given a new age. If your new age is younger than eighteen… Welp, you’re going to be going to school and studying stuff at that grade level. If your new age is over eighteen, you may be given a job. If you know nothing about this job, then you will be trained by some of our in game staff until they think that you are doing a decent enough job. And one last thing about the role of citizen: If you don’t have enough money left to pay for food… you will be kicked out of the city. So work hard!

“Now onto the good guys - literally. The cops role is to get all of the thieves into the jail. There are no cars in this game, so you’ll have to run to try and handcuff the enemy. You do have access to the ‘helicopter’ though so that can be handy when trying to spot the enemies.” 

I wondered why he put the helicopter in air quotes. 

“You will live at the police headquarters/jail with your fellow coppers. Every cop will have a ‘gun’.” Rutherford held up a Nerf gun. “If you get shot in, say, the arm all you have to do is lay down, be silent, and wait for someone to pick you up and carry you to the hospital. If you got shot in something more fatal, such as your torso, you will be taken off the show. Same goes for citizen’s and thieves, by the way. And that’s it! The cops role is simple in words, but complicated in practice. Remember that age doesn’t matter in the City, so a cop could be 12 or 62.

“And finally, the thieves. The thieves job is to get all of the money in the economy. You may think that that seems hard, but it may be easier than you think. The thieves will have a hideout that may be in plain sight, but it could be harder than you think to break into their hideout. If you are a thief, you may be given a weapon of some sort. Use that to threaten citizens and escape from cops. You may try to break your partners in crime out of jail, but may be tricky. You can do almost anything as a thief, so be creative!

And finally, after talking for what may seem like ages it’s back to you, Ben. What do you make of all this?”

“It’s a lot to take in,” I admit. “But I wanna be part of this. That’s why I applied of course!” 

Rutherford laughs. “Ben Chemote… Are you ready to be part of the very first ever season of THE BAD BOYS?”

“I am.” I say with almost as much sincerity as a fake wedding vow. 

“Pick your role from the jar in front of you.” 

My hand quakes as I reach into the jar. I don’t hide my quaking, because TV loves drama, and this is one of the most dramatic moments of the season… most likely. I’m not sure what I want. Well, maybe…

I read the slip of paper. I say, “...”

****

“Citizen.” Whew. I think that in my head, but my face hopefully shows disappointment. The people on TV really want to see cops and thieves, so I play it up for them. 

“Oh well,” Rutherford says. “Lets see what age you pick out of the hat! Drumroll please…” 

I unfold the piece of paper. “14,” I read. Two years below my actual age. Not bad. I wish that I was an adult, but not bad. 

“So pretty close to your actual age, huh?” Rutherford recalls from the conversation that happened two minutes ago. “And lastly, choose which house and what family you will be living with.”

This pick scares me. I have never had a sibling, so having one in this simulation… it might be frightening. Or amazing. I really don’t know. “House 16.” I say, fear evident in my voice. 

“I believe that nobody has joined that house yet, is that correct…?” Rutherford looks at a cameraman. The cameraman nods in affirmation. “Alright, so Ben, it seems like you will be the one in your household who has to wait and see who ends up in your house. Good luck, and don’t get robbed!” 

“I’ll do my best.” I reply. 

“And cut.” A cameraman says. 

“So, Ben, here’s your bags…” Rutherford says. It’s surprising how much his voice changed between his camera personality and his normal self. “It looks like they have been cleared. And, if you want to look at this map here,” I peek over his giant shoulder. “House sixteen is in the southeast housing complex, very close to the docks. So you will go up these stairs, go to the left, sorry, go to the right, follow the sidewalk till it hits a T, turn right at the T, and go up until you see houses on the left. House sixteen is the third down on the right. You got that?” Before I can even reply that I got absolutely none of that he says, “Good luck. Be a good personality and you’ll survive.” 

“Thank you,” I say. 

“Right this way.” An assistant appears out of nowhere and leads me up a pair of stairs. Right away, I see an underground building labeled “HOSPITAL.” I also note the fact that there seems to be a subway station. Not the sandwich shop, but the train-like thing. “Just up those stairs.” The assistant says. 

“Thank-” I try to say, but I’m interrupted by the assistant closing and locking the door behind me. You got this Ben. Cool as a cheesecake. Cool as a cheesecake.  I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous you ask? Because this means a lot more to me than just winning the reality show. If I lose or die in here, then I die in real life. 

*****

A few months ago I was in a tough spot. My mom and dad barely paid attention to me. We were losing money like crazy due to my dad’s drinking addiction. So one day, when it was my turn to drive my dad home from the bar, I made a rash decision. This loopy looking man with a goatee came up to me and said. “I (hic), I bet that you couldn’t win THE BAD BOYS.” 

Normally, I would ignore people like that. But for some reason, this man intrigued me. “What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s a reality TV show.” He said with another hiccup. “It’s basically cops and robbers. But if you win (hic) I’ll double your earnings.” 

“HOW MUCH ARE THE EARNINGS?” my father's voice boomed across the bar. 

“Ohhhh,” the man slumped against a table. “Between 10,000 and a million dollars. It (hic) depends on how well you do.” 

“DEAL!” my father said, stumbling over to me and this guy. 

“Alright,” the man said, “But what do I get in return?” 

“Uhhh… Uhhh…” My dad said as in his drunken state he tried to think of what little we had that would match this guy's proposal. “Umm… Would my son work?” 

“Dad, no!” I didn’t even know what he meant by putting me up for some bet. 

“Deal!” The loopy man said as he and my father shook hands. “But let me warn you… it’s rigged! You can never win, so you better say goodbye to your son!” 

After that I went home and searched up THE BAD BOYS. It turns out that it really was a thing. My dad wanted that money desperately, so I was forced to apply. I tried to research the best strategy, but the season that was coming up was the first, so I came up with nothing. 

I thought about this as I was going up the stairs, leading me to the setup world of THE BAD BOYS. Up there, that’s where I decide if I win money, or if I get my life sold to the loopy man. I step up the last step and take in the breathtaking view in front of me.