Rose

I still remember what happened like it was yesterday. It was evening, and my mother had begun to prepare dinner. I was sitting at the kitchen table, finishing what little homework I had. A sheet of multiplication problems and 15 minutes reading. Seems like nothing right now but at the time it was a heavy load. My mother was a young woman but years of work and stress withered her beauty away. She had wrinkles in her cheeks and permanent dark circles under her eyes. She was quiet and mild mannered, in a way that most people would describe as plain. Few could see her bright and true personality, the one that dissipated when my father died. The two of them were high school lovers, unlike any other. It was real love with the two of them. Whenever one would walk into a room, the other would smile so bright, like that was all they needed in the world. When I came along, I was instantaneously swept into this bubble of affection and care. It was all I had known. Even when it all crumbled away, the lingering feeling of belonging to something so pure was etched in my heart forever. My mother had always described me as having an active imagination, but the other children in my school thought of me as a freak because of it. That’s why, precisely, at 5:43 PM, when the first wave came, I thought I had imagined it. It was short, and small, doing no more than sweeping my worksheets to the ground. Just as the feeling of it registered in my mind, the earthquake began. The floor began to move up and down and I stumbled, falling to the ground. Vases fell off the shelves and shattered as they hit the floor. The TV trembled on it’s wall mounts and soon enough, it fell too. The walls of the house began to collapse and I just stood there, frozen in terror. 

“Baby!” called my mother “The table baby! Hide under it!” 

I did as I was told and instantly scrambled under the table. We lived by the coast so I suppose I should have expected it. But I was young and I did not fully understand how things worked. So when the water began to flood into the house, I was shocked and terrified. I remember, the only thought that came across my mind was ‘how am I going to tell Ms Johnson that I don’t have my homework?’ The house began to fill with more water, drowning me. I screamed as it filled my lungs and spots began to cloud my vision. I tried to kick to the surface but my tiny 6-year-old legs couldn’t manage. I remember thinking ‘this is it, this is how I’m going to die. At least I’ll get to see daddy again’ when suddenly, two hands grasped me under my arms and me pulled up. I broke the surface gasping and kicking in my mother's arms. 

“Baby” she said, gasping for breath “look over there, there’s a car door, baby, do you see?” 

I nodded. 

“Go to that, baby, go climb on it.” 

She carefully let go of me and I paddled furiously to the floating car door. I haphazardly climbed onto it and gathered my bearings. My mother came floating beside me on a piece of wood. Our house had completely crumbled at this point and it was hard to tell where we were, surrounding us was an ocean filled with debris. The continuous tremble of the earthquake created waves in the water, pushing us from place to place. As the waves grew higher, I began to lose sight of my mother. 

“Mommy?” I asked, panic edging into my voice “MOMMY!?!?!” I screamed.

“Baby!” came the muffled voice of my mother “Baby, it’s okay! I’m over here! Remember what I’ve told you!” her voice became more and more faded “I love you baby.” 

I couldn’t see her anymore and I was fully panicked now. I screamed and started crying. The waves kept growing higher and higher, carrying me further away from my mother. The earthquake stopped 30 minutes later but the flood took four hours to recede. Throughout that time, I stayed clinging to my makeshift raft, trying desperately not to let go. I was so scared of what might happen, that I might die. The feeling of panic had stayed in my stomach since my mother had been carried away. The cold began to creep up my spine and before long I was shivering, the tips of my fingers turning blue. It soon became so much for my small body to bear that I had even thought of death as a welcome. Imagine that. A 6-year-old scared enough to wish death upon themself. This darkness swallowed me up and it was unlike anything I had felt before. Once the water had gone, I found myself sitting on soggy ground, everything around me crumbled and unrecognizable. The sun had fully set and it was well into the night, although a thick fog held in the air, blocking any view of the stars. I felt hopeless. My legs were cramped and they buckled when I tried to take a step. I eventually fell down down by the ruins of a house, only two of its walls had collapsed, and I couldn’t help but think how lucky the owners were. I was exhausted and the only thing I could think of was sleep. So that night, curled up against rubble, I slept.

I awoke to a gnawing feeling of hunger in my stomach. It had been over 12 hours since I had last eaten. I looked around, expecting food for some reason, but there was nothing. My lip began to tremble and I started crying again. I was going to die of hunger. Suddenly, a voice came from behind me. 

“There’s a loaf of bread over there.”

I whirled around to see a young girl in a dirty pink dress standing between some fallen rocks. I rubbed my eyes, sure that I was hallucinating. But the girl was still there. I slowly walked closer to her and stuck out my hand. 

“Hello.. My name is Jamie.” 

“Hello Jamie, I’m Rose.” she replied, taking it

“Where did you say there was bread?” I asked, fully realizing the hunger in my stomach 

“Over here.” 

She took my hand gently and guided me past the dirt and rocks. There were a few fallen grocery items, I guessed that the room used to be a kitchen. There was half a loaf of bread, covered in wet plastic, a dirty jar of raspberry preserves and a few mildly rusted cans of vegetables. I carefully assessed the pickings before opening the plastic on the bread and handing a slice to Rose. I then twisted open the jar of preserves and scooped some out with my dirty fingers, splotching it onto her slice. I then scooped some for myself and took another slice, making two half sandwiches. As we began to eat, I found myself telling Rose about my life and what had happened before the earthquake. 

“I was doing homework you know, my mommy was making dinner and then BAM! It just happens! The ground just started moving and I was so scared when the water came in too! I should probably go looking for my mommy now since I don’t know where she is. Where is YOUR mommy? Also my teacher is probably gonna be mad because I don’t have my homework, she’s mean you know, she once made Sean go to the office JUST because he told her that he didn’t care about her homework and then...” 

On and on. I spoke a lot as a child, something I found to be an annoyance I grew older. Rose was patient though, she carefully listened to everything I said, as if she was genuinely interested. 

“That’s cool!” she had said.

She seemed to be the only person in my life who could tolerate my rambles. 

“I umm...I don’t have a mom or a dad” she said again.

“Wait really? Why?”

I guess no one had taught me about etiquette. 

“I don’t...really wanna talk about it” she said, looking at the ground

I scooted towards her, “That’s okay” 

Later on, we had decided to go look for my mother and maybe more food. We came across little nourishment, what food there was was either inedible or claimed by someone else. After scrounging around in other destroyed houses and overturned cars, we managed to find 2 more cans of food, a couple packets of chips, and some trail mix. We weren’t able to find any water save for a half empty bottle from a car. We found our way back to the same area and sat. After that day, the two of us began to have somewhat of a ritual, going out in search of my mother, and trying to find food. We hadn’t much success with either. We were young and weren’t smart so the thought of rationing our goods didn’t cross our minds. Our food supply lowered quickly. On our daily scrounges, we occasionally came across other people who mostly ignored us. It was every man for themselves and no one thought to help two battered looking children. If we had chosen to go in the opposite direction, we would’ve come across the downtown area where there were safety centers, filled with firefighters, policemen, and volunteers who were handing out food, blankets, and giving shelter to anyone who came by. But we were on the outskirts of town, where no one really cared to help. The two of us stayed hungry for days on end. The jagged feeling of hunger stayed in my stomach, and my thirst went constantly unquenched. The two of us were extremely worn, dirt stained our clothes and we had tiny cuts all over our legs and feet. One would think this pain was truly unbearable for children but having Rose there with me made it so much easier. Rose and I had talked about everything. She was so understanding and open and truly listened to everything I talked about. I had very few quite distant friends at school and she was the closest I’d ever gotten to a true friend. A whole week of us living off of bread and canned food juice had gone by before I found my mother. Well, really, she found me. She had been washed away in the opposite direction, closer to the safety center. She’d expected me to be there and had seeked refuge immediately. She found me only because she chose to search towards the outskirts of town, in case I had wound up somewhere else. I remember. She was walking, arms crossed over her body, hunched over as dust kicked up in her face. I wouldn’t have spotted her if it wasn’t for Rose, who had insisted that we try looking elsewhere for our daily gathering of food. 

“Mommy?” I had asked, tentatively squinting in the low sunlight “Mommy is that you?”

Her head lifted and her eyes lit up immediately. 

“Baby!” she cried. 

She came running towards me and threw her arms around my tiny little body, crying. The wrinkles in her face had deepened and there were bags under her eyes but not even that could hide the relieved look she had as she held me. I pulled away from her first and she stood up, wiping her tears and dusting herself off. 

“What is it baby?” 

“Mommy can we take Rose with us? Please?? She has no parents to go back to and I promise she’s really helpful, she’s the one that knew how to find all the food that we have also she’s also really smart because she said we needed to use something called a grid pattern to find you, also-"

“Baby! Breathe. Who’s Rose?” 

“She’s a girl I met when I was in the fallen house! Can we take her with us? Please?”

Oookay...sure, yeah okay! Where is she?”

I’m sure my mother had felt bad for Rose and that was the only reason she was willing to take her in. Potentially raising another child on top of her work, with no help and little money? No way. But...a poor lost girl, who her own child had become attached to. How could she refuse?

“She’s over there.” I said, pointing behind me to where Rose was standing, looking down with her hands behind her back.

“I’m sorry, where?” Asked my mother, perplexed. 

“Mommy, right THERE! Right behind me” 

She turned and looked around, her eyes barely skipping over where Rose was standing. Like she looked past her. She then turned and gave me a strange look. “Baby….what? There’s no one there.”

“Yes there is!” I ran over to where Rose was and held her hand.

“Baby...?” she paused. Her eyes filled with understanding and she gave me a sad smile. “I think it’s time we left” 

“Wha-but!” I protested.

“Come on baby” she interjected. “It's been a long time. I know you’re tired.”

With that, she picked me up and began walking away, towards the safety center. I looked over her shoulder at Rose, who stood watching with a look of dismay as I was taken away. 

⧨ ⧨ ⧨

15 years gone by just like that. Hurts to relive it. My mother died two years ago, from cancer. It was hard. I don’t talk to many people anymore, and they don’t talk to me. Well...it’s more like they avoid me. I look outside the window of my small, old studio apartment as the rain continues. Rain always brings a feeling of uneasiness into the air. Through the drops I can see a faint shadow of a person. There she is. Looking a lot older but still in the same dress. The corner of her mouth lifts in that familiar smile. 

Rose.