Survive

I always heard about the times of freedom. The times where you could love whenever you wanted and no one would bat an eye. Especially in those big cities once upon a time. So much to do and see. So many people to meet and just exist. My grandmother always told me these stories of freedom. A lot of the older generation did. But they’re dying out soon, so all that’s left is the learning system.

Things were different now, have been different for a long time. My grandmother was just a pre-teen when everything started to change. The pandemic, the fires, the endless turmoil the world fell into. No one read the bible anymore, but she always said it was like the vengeful four horsemen decided to wreck havoc all at once. She was never a religious person before the end but for her there was no other way to explain what had happened. Everything was green one day and then the next all the colors were gone except for red.

We survive day to day. We are given our portions at our units, the appropriate amount of water, and if it’s Wednesday, some fresh baked cookies. A tradition from before the end. Pretty generous of the Over Seers who are just trying to keep us alive at this point.

 I don’t think the universe has ever seen such a stubborn species that just won’t go down without a fight.

“Hey, Hadley.” Josephine came up to my units porch. Lessons were done for the day and the sky was an angry red. History tells us it used to be a calming blue and even with pictures to prove it, it seemed unbelievable and unsettling.

I nodded at Josephine as she sat down next to me. Friends were encouraged, practically forced by the Overseers at a young age. It’s supposed to keep our morale up, and besides they had full control over it. Josephine has been my assigned playmate since we were kids. That was quite rare since we usually would have at least three or four by the time we are 20. But we never broke any of the rules or got suspicious, so we were left alone.

“I like this kind of red.” She said, flipping her long pony over her shoulder. Her hair was well past her butt, as was mine and every other woman in the neighborhood. Grandma had told me about hairdressers, people whose entire job was specifically for taking care of other people’s hair. It seemed like such an extravagant procedure for only hair. Not needed for survival.

“Yeah, it’s nice. What are you doing tonight?”

She looked at me and raised her eyebrows. “Are you going to ask-“

“I didn’t ask you anything yet.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You never think it’s a good idea.”

“Yet we keep going.”

“You don’t have to. You know you have…” My voice drops to a whisper. “free will.”

She laughed; her head thrown back. Free will wasn’t anything we would ever know about in our lifetime. “You know, it’s quite cruel what they do.”

“Which thing?”

“Teach us about it. Tell us how amazing it was. They don’t even try to hide it, and they know we will never have it. We know we never will. It’s a sick joke, honestly.”

I nodded and stretched out my legs. We have had this conversation so many times. We didn’t even need to pretend to not be talking about it. That was so messed up, they didn’t care that we knew all about it. They didn’t care how glamorized it is because they know there was nothing we can do about it. There is no survival with free will. It didn’t work the first time.

“So, are we going?”

Josephine rolled her eyes and stood up, wiping the dirt off the back of her gown. “Fine.”

She wanted to go; she always wants to go.

We met after lights out. When we were younger that was basically unheard of but now in our twenties our anxiety has settled. The night survival bots are just that, bots. Once upon a time they used to bring fear to all the young children who were told that they would be taken away by the survival bots if ever caught outside of units after dark. But when those young children grew up, they found out it was just another way to discourage freedom and the bots were pretty stupid.

We walked the way out of town, staying quiet and remaining in sync with our steps. The eagerness in my heart was forced to calm down so I wouldn’t begin to run.

Trees surrounded us as we traveled further from the road, a nice blanket from the world. Trees weren’t that common anymore, they are more of a barrier rather than something to stroll thru. The trees were a mystery during a time where mystery didn’t really exist anymore. Although the mystery wasn’t a kept secret.

We passed a few not so stranded buildings on our venture. Once in a while we would catch someone walking in or out, but no one would say a word. No one cared what the other was doing, as long as they got to do what they wanted.

Finally, we arrived at The Inn, standing not too far from the rushing river. This was our favorite forbidden pleasure. People from different neighborhoods always ended up here. It was probably the most popular building.

We went inside and the stench of beer, the notes of music, and the sound of laughter greeted us. Lots and lots of laughter.  More of music to me than anything else.

“There’s a table over there.” Josephine led the way to the table for three in the back corner. The best to observe.

“Two beers?” The waitress that magically appeared once we sat asked. We nodded and not long after they were in front of us. We cheers-ed like we’ve seen in the movies and took our sips.

“Thank Heavens for this place.” Josephine said looking around. I nodded also looking around but for something more specific. “Any luck?”

I shook my head and turned my eyes back to my beer. Then I felt the hand on my shoulder, the familiar perfume wafted to me, and the dark hair fell into my vision right before I turned around to Kendras smiling face.

“Josephine. Hadley.” She greeted us and sat in the third chair.

“And how is the forbidden banished life going?” Josephine asked smirking. I was still staring, like I always do and she kept meeting my eyes like she always did.

“Oh you know, entirely forbidden as usual. You ladies should really give it a chance.”

Josephine snorted. “Yeah right, not all of us have the pleasure of being excommunicated from the neighborhood.”

“In my defense, I wasn’t personally excommunicated, my unit was”

“The bird or the egg.” I said.

“What?” Both raised their eyebrows.

“I don’t know, it was said in one of those movies we have to watch. Something about whatever comes first.”

They busted out laughing and then so did I. It was always fun trying to use any of the old sayings. They never made sense, but they were always entertaining.

We drank and laughed through the night among everyone else, just existing. Such a light feeling. Such a forbidden feeling. It didn’t take too many beers for me to move my chair closer to Kendra. For my hand to end up on her thigh. For her hand to find mine.

“Well, I see a fine gentleman across the floor. And I think I am going to go explore that.” She got up and walked to the same guy she walks to every week. The same guy that makes her heart flutter like mine does while feeling Kendra so close.

“How is everything with you? The job?” She asked.

I didn’t say anything and pushed her hair behind her ear. My forbidden secret. She smiled and kissed the inside of my hand, the warmth spreading through me.

“Its good, tough decisions to be made. The Overseers just want to expand, expand, expand.”

“Into the forest?”

“Where else would they? They want to be the biggest neighborhood. So plans are being discussed.”

“Oh wow.” She looked around at all the banished, the exiled, and the thrown away. “I wonder what will happen to us.”

“Probably just move further deep.”

“Like across the river?” I nodded into my beer. “And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“You can come with. You know banishment is a lot better than the life in the neighborhood. Look at us. We are happy. Actually genuinely happy, just like they used to be.”

I shook my head and looked down at the table. “Maybe.”

“Maybe? If not, when would we see even each other if we all crossed the river?. That’s not exactly an easy journey. And I can’t not see you ever again…”

I squeezed her thigh and shamelessly kissed her on the lips. “We will find our way. We always have.”

A few weeks later I was at work with the Overseers, listening to everything in their almighty voices that demanded attention in the loudest of rooms. Survival was the only thing of value and they were going to do whatever it took to do it.

“The more we wait, the more vulnerable we will become. And I am damn sure that they are plotting the same thing.” The Head Seer slammed his fists on the table. The Secretarial Seer flinched by his side, but she was new, she would get used to it. “We must learn from the past. They tried to play nice, and look where that got them.”

“Near extinction.” The Vice Head chimed while fixing her red pearls around her neck. Nothing the Head did ever made her flinch.

I sat silently as one of the Junior Seers, a job that was mapped out for me before I was born. A job I held with pride and fear.

Fear was the basis of being a Seer, fear of total extinction. Fear of no control. Fear of the unknown. The Over Seers job was strictly to make sure the neighborhoods survived. Who told them that? I was not sure, but it was my whole existence.

The Vice Head didn’t flinch at what was said next, but the rest of us did. “It’s time to burn the forest.”

Multiple voice erupted, more powerful than mine without fear of going against the Head.

“That’s outrageous!”

“So unnecessary!”

“What purpose would that even serve? What about those that are banished?”

I knew the banished meant a lot to a few people in the room, I’m not the only one who made weekly visits. But one look at the Head was confirmation enough that there was no changing his mind. Survival over freedom.

We went as late as possible, right before it could be considered morning. The sky was the reddest I’ve ever seen, although that could just be in my head. I looked up and imagined the stars we always hear about, the images they created to tell a story no one ever knew were true or not. The freedom to just create stories and tell them as if they were factual always fascinated me.

 The Head Seer led the way with all the determination in the world with the Vice Head close to his side. We went with our helmets, armor and flame throwers at the ready, basic machines with the ability to ruin so many lives. We only ever suited up if we felt danger or were the danger.

We made it to the edge of the forest by the river, The Inn not to far away. I could see her sitting there, brushing her hair or talking to some other lively stranger. Wondering about me, thinking of my kisses from the night before and this morning. Dreaming of when we would see each other next, maybe plotting a future for the two of us to exist in finally.

“Fire!”

And then I blasted the ground.

The fire was fast. It ate everything it touched. Didn’t take long for it to make it to the buildings. That’s when the screams finally started. I shut my eyes tight, trying to picture anything else in my head. Her touch. Her lips. Her body wrapped around mine.

But it was no use. Because the fire got to The Inn. I followed behind it, far enough to be safe but close enough to see. She was at one of the windows that I had permanently shut the night before. While she was sleeping, I slipped out of bed and made my way thru the building while everyone snoozed. It wasn’t stressful since I knew Josephine had spiked the beer with a strong sedative.

Kendra was banging on the window, looking down at me not knowing who she really was looking at. I was a coward, I couldn’t lift the helmet. I couldn’t show her who I really was. What I was willing to do for survival of the neighborhood.

She was probably thinking of me. Screaming how much she loved me into the universe hoping it would reach me. I could see it in her frantic eyes.

Then more faces were pounding on the other windows. People were trying to push down the door, it was no use. Them and so many other were going to perish in their banishment finally. Just like they needed to do.  

And we would survive.