Choices

“It’s too hard and it’s- just not right for me.”

“What will you do then?” the redhead asked, taking a bite from her lunch tray. 

“My uncle gave me his old guitar, I'll try it out.”

She sighed. “You can’t keep changing like this.”

“But... lawn tennis is too hard, and I really do think that excelling in the guitar is in the bag for me!”

She sighed again and placed her fork down. “Yeah, you know what? You're right. You should keep searching for the right hobby. When you find the one that you truly love, you won’t walk away from it.”

Her friend gently caressed the fretboard.

“It’s pretty rusted…”

“Careful!”

“I’m always careful.”

“Land it, land it, ugh!” A sickening crash to the ice floor was heard. “How many times do I have to reiterate this?” the teacher’s voice echoed. “Do not leave your hair in a ponytail while practicing, Emane! First work on your triple axel and then you can work on your performance. I do not want you to be distracted by flashes of red in the middle of your routine. Go tie your hair in a bun, go!”

The girl stood up with her hand on her calf muscle, limping. Sniffing for a bit, she skated to the stands where her mother stood with some hastily found hairpins clasped in her hands.

“Hey, Aoki, shouldn’t you be at lawn tennis practice now?” She shifted in her seat to find her neighbor who barely managed to stand upright with two girthy, overflowing reusable bags.

“Just fruits and veggies; I’m not a spendthrift like Bassanio, don’t worry.”

Aoki laughed. “Come sit. No, I’m giving tennis a rest.”

“What, why?”

“It’s not right for me.” 

He narrowed his eyes.

“Aoki.”

She didn’t respond. A D-chord was strummed by her, producing a wonderfully rusted sound. Her face morphed into joy. She reminisced about the songful summer days with her father and her uncle; her dad would provide the beats with two lopsided tablas and her uncle with the Martin D-28 would serenade them both with his exemplary fingerpicking. She never sang because she wasn't good at it. Perhaps she should practice singing?

“Okay, this is bullshit.” The neighbor kept his bags down. “You’ve been like this since- what, 3rd grade? You would do two sums then jump onto English comprehension. After five minutes you would open your history book just to see the illustrations. Then back to multiplication when it bored you. Your mind never settles on one thing, Aoki. You have to be clear on what you want to do. You can’t keep changing like this.”

“It's just a hobby, okay? I don't HAVE to be clear. I have to keep searching for the right hobby. I’ll stick with it only if it fits with me.”

“Who told you that?”

She carefully placed her pinky as well as her middle and ring fingers to produce the G-chord.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Who was it?”

“Emane, okay?”

His face twisted.

“The figure skater, huh? 

She just played a masterful chess move. She eliminated as many of her opponents as she could.”

Aoki now put her guitar down. “Excuse me?”

“You guys were in the same skating club before you left crying after a fall that left a bruise- here, remember?” He pointed towards her knee. Aoki covered the place with her hands.

“Emane doesn’t want you back. She knows you had the talent. She knows you’re searching for the ‘right’ hobby, so she encourages you to look on. Go on, waste your time while I perfect my axels and leaps and proceed to win some particularly extravagant prizes. Do you think Emane loved skating in the beginning? No, she was forced into it just like you were, but she kept doing it and then she started loving it. Now, it is not only her hobby but also her talent. Talent is not only about loving what you do, Aki, it’s about having the skills needed and consistency. Emane keeps practicing. She doesn’t stop. She works hard. Trust me when I say this, you were a better skater than her when we were kids. But look at where your inconsistency has brought you. I know you are trying to figure out the perfect hobby for you, but whenever will you develop the talent if you keep changing them? No, I'm not mixing up talent and a hobby. I'm saying this because I know what you are like. Most people see hobbies as a way to relieve stress; they don't care how badly they do it, but you are the total opposite. You have to be the best in your hobby. Your fickle self will never help you in becoming the best, though.

I- I could never believe that Emane would have such a pernicious effect on you.”

Aoki remained silent for a very long time. All she did was pick up her guitar and stride off in the direction of her home.

“Hey, I have my recital on Saturday, will you be coming?” Scarcely did Emane sit down next to her before Aoki brushed away the crumbles off her skirt and abruptly got up. “I have- homework,” she confessed. “I’m going to the library.”

Aoki couldn’t settle on a subject. Math? Biology? When she eventually chose Physics, the bell rang, indicating that the break was over.

“Do you want…

Want to hang out for a bit?”                               

        “I have skating practice.”

“Hey, do you want to do homework together in the library?” Emane inquired. She looked nervous with a flushed face. Aoki tugged at her bag. “I have tennis at three. I’ll have to take off.” 

Emane was left standing alone on the carpeted floor with only the books and the few other students as her companions.

“Aoki, you have improved so much! Although I will have to say this, you were anyway fabulous since day one. You picked up so fast!”

“I actually played some tennis back in 8th grade.”

“What precluded you from continuing it then?”

“Uh, increasing workload… but- but I can now manage my time,” she put up her hands in surrender. Her coach gave her a reassuring smile. “Good to hear. Now go obliterate your arms by doing some medicine ball slams. Medicine ball slams everyone!” he clamoured.

“Well, seems like you are satiated with tennis, huh?” 

“I guess. Coach’s redundant compliments actually make me want to play better. I do enjoy the feeling.”

“I told you, I can never be infallible in my advice.”

“Shut up,” Aoki said smirking and nudged him with her shoulder.

“Are you going to the recital?” he asked.

“Coach has kept a practice match for the Interhouse competition actually, so no.”

He pursed his lips. “Okay. I’ll be there.” He patted her shoulder and left.

Emane stood silently in the corner, fixing her skate guard having finished her warm-up. In a few minutes, the spotlight would dance along with her as she would ebb and flow towards the audience performing to Dancing On My Own on the rink- her only world. No one was around her to calm her nerves down. As usual, she had to be there for herself. Emane stretched her legs over the barriers of the rink, remembering why it was important to do so. Something to do with the synovial fluid being released... she would have to revise Biology. Her mother sat on the benches and her Coach stood a couple of meters away, analysing each breath her student took.

Emane caught a glimpse of the silhouette in front of her; the LED lighting glaring at her. “Aoki," she breathed out.

“Hey, you student. You aren’t allowed to be here. Please-”

“Miss, it’ll just be a few seconds,” Emane insisted. She brought Aoki to the side. 

“You left your practice match for me?”

“You guile, malignant-”

“What?"

"You traitor, you-"

"Aoki, stop,” Emane grabbed her shoulders. 

“You see me as your opponent? As a rival?”

“What?”

“You-”

“I see you as my friend.”

“You managed to deceit me, Emane. You would win and I would lose. I would never amount to anything, that was what you wanted, right?” Emane raised her eyebrow and pulled her costume down a bit.

“Aoki. I asked you to keep searching because- I cannot do it anymore. My greatest wish in life is to work on Art and Biology and not keep working on my lutz or my salchow day in and day out. I don’t care about the prizes I win because I do not love skating. It brings pleasure only for a little while. I don’t want that for you. I just don't want that for you.”

Aoki trembled. Maybe it was the degree of coldness emitted from the rink or maybe it was something else.

“You- you really don’t love ice skating?”

“I like it. That’s it. I just want you to not be stuck with something forever you cannot accept to love.”

Aoki’s eyes remained fixed on Emane. She shifted her gaze ever so slightly towards the rink.

“I came for you. You better do well. Dance to the music and remember to have fun,” she grinned a beautiful smile. 

The sun rays were soft and diffused, a perfect tone for the players and the audience. Aoki secured a high, steadfast ponytail. Emane fixed a Nike's cap on her friend's head.

"I want nothing more than a love from the opponent, okay? Also, remember to have fun."

"Okay, Coach." They both grinned.