Craved

These story hints at physical abuse in a domestic violent relationship. The theme is breaking a cycle of abuse and struggling with the mental health ramifications of a prolonged abusive relationship without providing in depth details. I hope you enjoy part of my soul based on true events of my personal life.

Yessenia was startled by the light touch on her wrist. When she turned to see who was attached to the hand, she took a sigh of relief. She was distracted in thought and was grounded by the touch of her mother. Yessenia grabbed the last of her belongings and loaded her dog into the car. A man that was waiting in the garage said his final goodbyes to the English bulldog, Castile, in the backseat of a white Toyota Corolla. Yessenia’s mother checked the U-Haul one last time before climbing into the passenger seat. As Yessenia reached for the car door a hand brushed against hers. It was soft, yet masculine and calloused. This was due to his many years of service in the military. Her heart fluttered or dropped. She couldn’t tell the difference anymore between the fear or need for his touch. Both thoughts frightened her. For the first time, she was able to look him in the eye after years of being afraid and she saw emptiness.

“Yessenia, vamanos! Traffic will be bad if we don’t leave soon,” she heard her mother say.

“Okay a’ma! We are going,” as she looked at her soon to be ex-husband.

Yessenia climbed into the car and turned the ignition on. She checked all her mirrors. She can feel the sheer panic rising in her that she had made a terrible mistake. She felt tears welling in her eyes and her heart was pounding she could feel it in her ears. Her throat was on fire as she held back the urge to call out to him. She felt the heavy pawed touch and looked at Castile as he placed his paw on her elbow that rested on the center console. He was panting and she could feel his hot breath on her arm. She turned to him and patted his head and returned to lay down in the back seat. She looked forward and put the car in drive. She didn’t look back as her ex closed the last door between them.

“Okay mom. Let’s head home, but do you want to get Starbucks first?”

“Well duh” her mother rolled her eyes.

They shared a smile and when they placed their orders in the drive thru, Yessenia was filled with doubt about her life decisions. She was certain that the relationship had ended and there was no fixing it. She spent what seemed like years in head thinking about all that had happened in the last decade of her life. Here she was at 29 years old, sitting in the drive thru of Starbucks, waiting for her iced caramel macchiato. All of her belongings fit into a 4x6 U-Haul and she was starting her life with a man she thought she loved. She felt a nudge on her arm and saw that her inpatient mother was trying to gain her attention.

“Hey! The coffee” her mother motioned towards the barista in the window trying to hand off the coffee.

“Oh, Sorry,” Yessenia chuckled nervously and reached for both of their iced coffees and a pup cup for Castile. She handed the drink and pup cup to her mother while trying to avoid eye contact and ignore the worries look on her face. Yessenia faked a smile and said, “I’m fine mom. Really. Let’s get going.”

The two drove in silence until they reached the boarder of Tennessee. Her mother carried most of their conversations as Yessenia drove in silence. She responded when asked to confirm their route to Minnesota and would accept the snacks her mother handed her as not to worry her more. Yessenia knew that she would not be able to avoid the dreaded conversation with her mother about the end of her marriage. She sighed and looked at her mother.

“I know you want to say something or talk about it. Let’s talk about it.”

“Yessenia,” her mother said with tears in her eyes, “your father and I love you. If we had known it was this bad, we would have stepped in. I know we didn’t teach you to give up, but we would have come sooner if we knew what was going on.”

“I know mom,” Yessenia struggled to say the words as her voice cracked.

“Mija, what he did was wrong. You were so young when you got married. We didn’t prepare you for marriage and we failed.”

Yessenia was fighting back more tears as she responded, “No, mom. It’s not your fault. I thought I was in love. I thought that was what you were supposed to do. You fall in love with a man and get married.”

“Not when you are still a girl! Yessenia, we failed because we allowed a grown man to date you. You were almost 18 and we didn’t want you sneaking around so we thought this would keep you safer. We didn’t expect you to get married and we didn’t stop it. You were so young.”

“You and Papi have been together for years and you were young too when you met him. You got married younger than me.”

“Yessenia! That was a different time. Yes, today’s standards it was wrong. Back then it wasn’t an issue. And I’m due for an upgrade anyway. That’s the issue with taking older models,” she smiled as she referred to her husband, Yessenia’s father.

Yessenia and her mother laughed with tears in their eyes. Castile raised his head and provided them with a low gruff, a sound only a bulldog could make, to inform them that their laughter had disrupted his slumber in the backseat. Once he felt as though his annoyance had been received he laid his head down on a pillow and closed his eyes. It only took several seconds for him to begin snoring. They laughed and wiped the tears from their eyes. Yessenia took one hand off the steering wheel and rested it in her lap. Her mother reached over and placed her hand in Yessenia’s. Yessenia looked at her mom, smiled, and looked at the road ahead. She took a deep breath and realized the feeling of uncertainty was because she craved. She craved for a gentle human touch.

The End.