Really!

What I’m about to share with you, you must swear upon all the gothic statues that atop the roof of Notre Dame de Paris. You see those  gargoyle were carved or formed into grotesque looking dragons or demons from the underworld ruled by the grim god Hades and his queen Persephone with a spout designed to convey water from a roof and away from the side of a building, thereby preventing rainwater from running down masonry walls and eroding the mortar between. I often times wonder why didn’t they just design gutters instead.

Rumor has it that a long time ago, a dragon named Gargouille Winfrey (no kin to Oprah Winfrey, I think) was living near the River Saint. The people sacrificed one crackhead person to comfort the dragon each time it came to the city. Then a brave priest Mork Robin Williams from the planet Ork, told the people that if they could stop this Puff the Weed Smoking Magic Dragon, he would build a new cathedral and beg to his God for all those people’s sins to be forgiven. Sound familiar doesn’t it.

Remember when Kenneth Copeland an American televangelist and author associated with the Gargoyle charismatic movement, despite being under investigation, Kenneth Copeland refused to submit any information about his fascination and obsession with gargoyles to the Church of Diocese in Rome. Saying “You can go get a subpoena from the Pope himself and I won’t give it to you or the real reasons for why gargoyles are dearly needed for mankind’s existence. Where in the multitude of Gargoyles did that thought come from?

Then the people captured Gargouille Winfrey (maybe a kin to Oprah Winfrey, I know) and burned all its body parts except for his head and neck. Then they hanged his head to the newly built cathedral. But since I am a fan of gargoyles and I really protest violating dragons. I will not say that this story is true or I made it up. I plead the 5th.  

If you truly believe that those grotesque statues were used just to hold back some rain then you’ll have no problem believing the unusual secret I’ve been keeping from the world.  

Evil gargoyle devil worshipping  architects often used multiple gargoyles on a building to divide the flow of rainwater off the roof to minimize the potential damage from a rainstorm. A trough is cut in the back of the gargoyle that you can’t see and rainwater typically exits through the open mouth. Gargoyles are usually an elongated fantastical animal because the length of the gargoyle determines how far water was barfed out from the wall. When Gothic flying buttresses were used, aqueducts were sometimes cut into the buttress to divert water over the aisle walls.

I truly believe  gargoyles on a church were meant to fend off evil; it’s additionally possible that the gargoyles signified fiends, inhuman entities, and damned hearts. The reasoning was that the church offered spiritual security for those that approved its authority, yet outside the church was spiritual risk. The gargoyles were therefore an alerting to the populace that it was better to be inside the church compared to outdoors.

That’s why The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, often informally known as the LDS Church or Mormon Church, is a nontrinitarian, Christian restorationist church that considers itself to be the restoration of the original church founded by Jesus Christ. Has over 100 gargoyle lining its roof top. The church is headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the United States, and has established congregations and built gargoyle like temples worldwide. According to the church, it has over 16 million members and 65,000 full-time volunteer missionaries.

Your probably sitting there wondering to yourself what in the world does Gargoyles and Dragon congregations have to do with me telling you about my unusual secret or why Popeye the sailor man, ever married Olive Oyl. We all know that she was engaged in an illicit affair with Brutus the gargoyle living in a small town in Chester, Illinois. You would be absolutely correct if you stated nothing.

I’m just stalling on whether I want to tell anyone of the unusual gift that I possess.

I was sitting on my bathroom throne when suddenly I changed from a normal naked human being into a large American Bald Eagle. In Greek mythology, Ganymede was a divine hero whose homeland was Eugene, Oregon and not in the bathroom of my efficiency apartment. Homer Simpson describes me (Ganymede) as the most beautiful of mortals and in one version of the myth Zeus falls madly in love with my over all beauty and abducts me in the form of an eagle to serve as cup-bearer in Olympus.  

You may or may not believe in mythology, folklore and speculative fiction, but  shapeshifting is the ability to physically transform through an inherently superhuman ability, divine intervention, demonic manipulation, sorcery, spells or having inherited the ability. I had instantly became a Shapeshifter.

Why couldn’t I shapeshift like Zeus the great shapeshifter, taking many unexpected forms, including that of a swan, a gopher, a cloud, and even a shower of gold.

Did you know that body alteration is possible and happens every day? But gradually. To change one's shape from one creature to another takes place in metamorphosis, but the resulting final creature cannot have more mass than what was started with and can often end up with less. There is one way a "shapeshifter" could operate.

Why I really want to share with you is how to tell if a person is a shapeshifter. You’ll need to know this because more of us will be revealed until the coronavirus eliminates 42% of the world population.

There are 6 ways to tell if someone is a shapeshifter. 1. He or she will never show their disgusting teeth when smiling. In fact, the act is discouraged in passport pictures, police line ups and license photos. If you ever noticed Jeffery Epstein, Bill Crosby, Jack the Ripper, Richard Hinkle, Sunil Rastogi, Roger Abdelmassih, Kevin Coe, Oleg Kosarev, Martin Ney  and Harvey Weinstein never showed their teeth while raping and abusing over dozens of defenseless women mentally, spiritually and physically by slightly parting there sneaky lips so that they could hide their fangs. All of them are shapeshifters that’s why it took so long to capture them. 2. We will always be surrounded by animals and not in the Cinderella or Snow White way that involves sweet singing birdies or mice with mad sewing skills. We’re more than likely to be surrounded by animals like the Proboscis Monkey, Warthogs. Chinese Crested Dogs, Turkey Vultures, Star Nosed Moles, Aye-Ayes, Monk Fishes, Horseshoe Bats, Red Lipped Bat fish and Blob Fish. 3. We will show no respect for the time. Psychologists say that not respecting the time of others is a serious sign of manipulation used to control others. Shapeshifters are notoriously famous for chronically being late, or who seem to have no respect for the time of other people are passively trying to control a situation with our tardiness. 4. We are gifted with (ESP) Extrasensory perception? Real shapeshifters have the unusual abilities to see, hear, and smell things moments before others do. 5. We shapeshifters have no problem not wearing any clothes. Us shapeshifters who have to get naked by necessity for shifting into an animal form is rough on clothes we tend to have little shame about letting it all hang out. 6. We have a Sweet Obsession. Our Sweet Obsession will make you swoon, obnoxiously cackle, overheat, gasp in shock, smile so hard it hurts.

Now that you’re armed with the truth about me being a shapeshifter and how to recognized us when you will see us one day soon. I just might pick you up and fly you straight into hell. Really!