Juliane and Alex

Juiane had pined for Alex throughout her freshman year at Wyoming State. He was everything that she wanted in a guy. Alex wasn’t the captain of any sports team or the accumulation of any romcom cliches. He was just another college dork with something special to her. Alex didn’t see her following him around school. She caught herself lost in fantasies about their fictional life together. She knew much about him, collected from eavesdropping on his public conversations in the Yard. When his group met to catch up at the fountain, Juliane would always be at a table or seat close to them, pretending to be engaged in homework. She used her clandestine time to learn out about his likes and dislikes, to learn that he wasn’t seeing anyone. This was her important homework. She was too scared to follow him on social media so this was her Facebook, Insta and Twitter. A weekly ingestion of all things Alex.

The day arrived when Juliane and Alex met. For her it was a moment that she had waited so long for. Fate. She had agreed to a friend’s request to attend a study group. It wasn’t something that held her interest, but she knew she needed to be there for support. She took a seat at the table. She didn’t care about anyone at the round, study table and made that clear by keeping her head down. She thought about Alex. Juliane wondered what he was doing. She brought a psychology book from her satchel and began to read with mixed interest. She was slightly annoyed as someone sat next to her, taking up space that she hoped would remain free like someone on a plane hopes no one sits as a temporary neighbor.

Juliane heard his voice. Her head immediately drew up like a prairie dog hearing a rustling in the tall grass. In an instant she knew. Her heart pounded as if it had a thousand drummers on crack in attendance. Alex. She was overcome with emotion. Alex, her Alex, sat only inches from her. Her eyes began to water. She thought that this would be how they would tell their kids how they first met in one of those obligatory tales of reminiscing. Juliane was sure to remember this day forever. The day their individual paths would become one path.

His hair was tussled like usual. He wore his “It’s only game” tshirt with an orc shrugging over a defeated hero. So casual. He brought his book bag, laden with pins. Simpsons. Cthulhu. She was overcome with Alex. Juliane knew that in her present condition, she was worried that he might think she was a head case.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, holding back all the emotion wanting to boil over, “would you mind watching my books and stuff for a minute?”

“Sure thing, halfling.” He quipped with a smile. She realized this was a fantasy reference he used often.

Juliane hurried out of the room to the safety of a bathroom staff. All of this was occurring so quickly for her. She was aware that the clock was running. She needed to get back to her seat to make the most of the time. She left the stall to reinforce her confidence in the bathroom mirror. Juliane took a last look. She smiled and left to meet her destiny.

Alex was chatting it up with some of the other study members. This was the early time of the study group when no one was on topic just yet. She knew her best chances would be now, before everyone put their study faces on. Juliane took her chair.

“Hey, thank you for watching my books and stuff.” She offered her most dashing smile.

“No, problem, el cap-e-tahn. I watched them, but they didn’t do anything.” He continued. “Except the one book. There was a bit of an issue.”

“What happened?” Juliane took the bait.

Alex looked directly at her. Her heart fluttered. As rough as the punch line was going to be, she was ready to love it.

“Well, the psychology book was about to do some dream processing with me, until I reminded it that college texts don’t have any power over a 7^th Level paladin.”

He smiled with a genuine shine. While she didn’t fully appreciate the reference, he made it to her. That was the important part she needed.

“I... I don’t play much role playing games? Actually, I’ve never played.”

“Well, you are in luck, I am an experienced adventurer and would be happy to keep thine lady safe within yonder dungeon walls.”

Juliane melted into the chair. She thought about how he wanted to spend more time with her. She looked at him with large eyes full of sparkle at the plan to have more time in his company.

“Um, yes. Yes, that would be fun, mine lord. My name is…” She forgot her name. Her heart seized. Alex looked at her as time became more uncomfortable.

“You are the Fair Lady of the Study Table.”He smiled her way and winked. “I’m Alex, adventurer and keeper of the sacred texts of Psychology 101.”

Her brain slipped into gear.

“I’m Juliane.” She couldn’t curtail her blushing.

“Nice to meet you, Lady Juliane, Ruler of the Round Table.”

The rest of the group began to get set. The unofficial, student leader got them moving. They spent the study time going through the paces of the material. Juliane found every chance to engage Alex in topic related conversation. She felt as though she needed this. It was destiny. The group ended when the last lessons covered were worked through. Juliane’s heart sunk. Her time with him was only fleeting and distracted by damn school work. 

“Alex, were you serious about us being together, I mean, playing a role playing game together?”

“Sure thing, halfling. We play at my friend’s place. It’s a fun group. Make sure you bring some snackage, drinkage and a couple pencils. Do you have any dice?”

“No. I don’t even know where to get any.” The idea that her destiny may be foiled by her lack of dice began to cloud her happiness. The formation of tears began to manifest.

“Yeah, it’s cool. I have extra sets I could let you use until you get some.”

Her smile beamed through the clouds of catastrophe.

“Oh my god, that’s so sweet.” She thought about touching his dice. Their hands would roll those same fate callers. Her mind traveled through their future in the moment. Sixty years in a second. Engagement to marriage to a family to retirement to graves side by side for eternity. She smiled.

He gave her the game time and apartment information. Juliane floated for the rest of the week on a cloud of anticipation. She thought and overthought about every detail. What would she bring? What if someone has allergies? What if her husband… what if Alex has allergies and she brings something that makes him sick and he ends up hating her? What will she wear? She thought about a casual outfit but not lazy. What was his favorite color? She was mad at herself that she didn’t know every detail of what he liked. The day arrived for the game. Juliane arrived on time. She rang the buzzer for the college apartment.

“Pizza dude, your late. We get a free pie, dingas.”

She pressed the call button.

“I’m not the pizza. I mean, I’m Juliane.”

“It would have been cooler if you were a pizza. What do you need, Jenny Anne?”

“Juliane, my name’s Julaine. I’m a friend of Alex.”

The pause of silence caused a terror in her heart. What could they be saying, she wondered. The door buzzed. She quickly grabbed at the handle. She made her path down the student living hallway. The smell of stale beer and unending pizzas lept off the chipped walls. She carried the bags of food and soda liters to Apartment 3A. She adjusted the bags to knock on the door. A large guy wearing a “Roll for it” dice laden, shirt opened the door for her.

“Food! You brought food. Anything good?” He gestured her inside while trying to peak through the plastic bag.

“I, um, brought…”

“Find a spot on the counter. Make yourself at home in the ‘dungeon lair’.”

Her entrance was into a room full of conversation and erratic laughter. Juliane took her food and drink to the kitchen. She scanned the open space. Alex was sitting on the floor looking through some type of card game. She relaxed a bit. The door ringer sounded. The room yelled for pizza. The large guy, who she assumed was the apartment’s tenant, rose from his seat and pushed the faded “speak” button.

“Pizza dude, your late. We get a free pie, dingas.”

The speaker crackled. “I got lost. The damn GPS and these apartments…”

“Spare me your excuses and bring me my pie.”

“That’s what she said!” The room erupted. Laughter carried off the walls. Juliane slowly made her path to the living room. She took residence of an unoccupied chair which was only a few feet from Alex who was very preoccupied with the cards on the carpet in front of him. She felt uncomfortable as one would feel in a room of strangers who didn’t much acknowledge her existence. An Asian girl in jean overalls and character shoes passed her by.

“I really like your shoes.” Juliane mustered.

“Hey, thanks. I got them at Dungeon-a-con last year. They were on sale from a vendor called The Knights Who Say Need.”

Juliane looked at her with an absence of reference.

“You know, Monty Python. The Holy Grail.” The girl tried to help. “The Knights Who Say Nee.”

“They look really fun.” Juliane staggered out.

The girl smiled and continued on her path away from the group. Juliane felt like running out. She decided to switch tactics.

“Hey, Alex.”

He looked over at where her voice originated. She melted.

“Oh, hey. You made it. Cool. We will begin playing soon. Do you have a character made?”

Juliane didn’t fully know what that meant.

“I don’t have, I mean, I don’t know how to do that.”

“Newbie, newbie, new, hoo, beeheeheehee.” The rest of the group chanted.

She looked around the room with wide eyes.

“It’s cool, we’ve all been new at one time. Let’s go to the table and get you started. I have a couple clean character sheets you can cut your teeth on. Not literally of course.” He chuckled.

She absorbed every word he said. They made the character together. A hearty elf named, Juliete. She considered this their first creation together. The game began shortly after finishing the player. The night moved along. Pizza was eaten. Dungeons were explored. Monsters were defeated. Treasure was plundered. Juliane enjoyed the personalities in the room. Each one was a bit different. She savored her time with Alex. Her hero, her 7^th level, paladin saved her from an orc assault. The game concluded.

She excused herself to the bathroom to gather up her courage to ask Alex out for more intimate, more private time. She fussed with her hair as she planned the best way to ask him. Juliane came out of the bathroom determined to say the right words that would bring him under her spell. She panned around the group. He was missing. His stuff was gone. She went up to the large guy in a near panic.

“Where’s Alex?” Her heart raced.

“Tweedle-dumb? He left a few minutes ago.”

“But I… he…”

“Spit it out elf warrior, we’re starting a movie.”

Juliane felt her soul crush. She went straight for the door.

“Hey, thanks for the food. Next time bring more guac.”

She let the door shut behind her. This was not the way the evening was meant to end she thought. She needed to walk him home and kiss and… She slid against the wall in tears. This was all too much. Juliane was wrapped in her self pity as the Asian girl with the fun shoes came out the door.

“Hey, hun, what’s wrong?” The girl knelt by her side.

“Nothing. I just hoped he would…”

Her companion looked at her confused.

“You mean, Alex?”

 She stood up while looking at the stained carpet. Juliane wiped flowing tears from her cheeks. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

She left the apartment building. Tears resurfaced as she went home. She berated herself for failing to make a better connection with him, for crying in the hall, for being found out and for not being able to return after her hall companion was sure to tell them all about the crybaby she found. Juliane made it back to her room and went directly into bed.

She spent the remainder of the school months far from Alex and anyone she might have recognized from that night. She thought about Ms Asian shoes telling everyone about what she saw. She imagined them all laughing at her. She imagined Alex laughing at her. Over the next few years, Juliane worked her best to dive into her school work. Studying became her new lover. She spent her time with study groups and teacher assistant office hours. She rearranged her life to be as far from him as she could. The first semester of her senior year eventually allowed the focus of Alex to dissipate into her backgrount thoughts. She even considered dating again.

One day as the weather had moved people from shorts to jeans, she took a seat near the quad fountain, hoping to enjoy the open sky and sun as she read from her advanced psychology book. Juliane was deep into cognitive reformation theory when a familiar voice cascaded into her ears. Alex. The voice she knew better than anyone’s. She pivoted to his direction. He was sitting with the same role playing gamers from years back. He hadn’t changed, even wearing the same orc shirt from their study afternoon. She decided to catch up with him to get closure, or perhaps, provide fate with a chance to see them through. Juliane tried to stifle her old fantasies of their courtship from the graveyard of her mind. She grabbed her book. He was engaged in a lively debate with his group.

“Hey, Alex.” Each word marinated in confidence.

He looked at her with no sense of recollection as she stood with the sun blinding him from behind.

“I’m Juliane. We played Dungeons & Dragons a few years ago.”

He continued to look confused at what was happening in the moment.

“Um, you helped me create an elf and saved me from the orc attack. I was wondering if you would like to get some coffee sometime.”

“Do you know how many orc attacks we had last month alone?” His friend chimed in.

“Oh my god, do you remember when they blitzed us on the staircase and Jack, I mean Killswitchlollipop, rolled the Cauldron of Infinite Death down at them?”

“Strike!” They cheered.

The group quickly got lost in the memories of gameplay that she had wished to have been apart of with Alex. Juliane fought the instinct to run off. She knew that what was happening was not personal, just nerdy. She looked at him once again with determination that he could remember who she was.

“We had a study group the week before. I was the Lady of Yonder Study Table, or something like that.”

“Sorry, I don’t remember. Was this last year?”

“It was…”

She realized that she had lost. What was everything and more for her, was not even a memory to him.

“Sorry to have bothered you.”

“No bother. We were about to go see Monty Python and the Holy Grail down at the dollar matinee.” His eyes were genuine.

“I’ve never seen it.”

The group recoiled from her in.

“She has said the forbidden word,” one of them said in recoil, with his index finger rigid at her. “No one says, ‘it’.”

Alex smiled at her look of panic.

“No, it’s from the movie. Come join us and the reference will make more sense. I’m Alex.”

“I’m Juliane.”

“Nice to meet thine lady fair.”

She took the empty seat next to him. Her heart healed in the moment. All of her fantasies moved from the graveyard and took their place in their proper spots. The sun shined as they talked.