Doubles

The twinkling lights strung from the trees made the patio a magical experience. Light music from the acoustic trio filtered up to them. Mark and Sandy’s favorite restaurant, they always came for their anniversary and often throughout the year.

While waiting for the hostess to escort them, Mark discreetly placed his hand on Sandy’s bottom. She swatted it away with a laugh.

“Mark!”

“I couldn’t help it. It begged me.”

She flashed her smile.

“Did I tell you how great you look in that dress?”

“Yes. Thank you, again. Your hand confirmed it… Thought of you when shopping.”

Arriving at the podium, the hostess did a double take.

“Hello! Glad to see you back. You look well this evening.”

“Yes. Reservation for two. Mark Stella.”

“I’m Zelda, but you know that.” She looked on the computer screen and nodded. “One moment…”

Sandy smiled. “Our anniversary.”

“Glad to see you again. Must have liked our food to return again so soon.”

“So soon?”

“Well, yes. Since you were here last night.”

Mark and Sandy looked at each other and laughed.

“No, we weren’t.”

The hostess shrugged. “Okay… I remember you.”

Mark blinked. “We weren't here.”

“No matter. That was another time. I hope you’re feeling better tonight?”

Mark said, “No, really. We were out of town last night. Not here.”

“No problem… I remember you very well... How long have you been married?”

Sandy said, “Seventeen years. Why do you think we were here last night?”

“I remember you. Not that I could forget… Seventeen! You look happy.”

She sounded surprised.

Mark couldn’t let go. “It wasn’t us.”

“It was. But no worries. It’s a new day.”

Mark and Sandy exchanged looks.

He said, “This couple from last night… Were they well behaved?”

Zelda suppressed a chuckle. “Oh, how should I…? Well, not in the best of moods. You’re in much better spirits tonight.”

Sandy said, “But we weren't here.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. It can happen to anyone. Hunger can get the best of us. You made quite a scene.” She smiled without warmth or humor.

“We have an alibi. We have witnesses.”

“Fine. Whatever… No one’s going to sue… I must say, if it wasn't you, you have a couple of dead ringers going to the same restaurants.”

Mark gaped at her.

She said, “Follow me please.”

Zelda led them to a table and offered them menus. “Here we are.”

Sandy leaned in. “Not too close to the music, please.”

The hostess pointed. “There, see? I knew it was you…”

Nonplussed, Sandy looked at Mark, who took the menus.

“This will be fine.”

“Have a better time tonight. And congratulations!”

Mark held Sandy’s chair for her.

“Did she skip as she walked away?”

“I saw that too.”

“Who eats at the same place two nights running? 'Hey Babe, let's eat some place different. You know, where we ate last night.'”

Sandy relaxed into her chair. “Ahh, here we are... Our favorite place, with my favorite husband.”

They laughed.

He said, “We’ll enjoy ourselves. But I won’t predict when we’ll return. Leave that to the ‘Psychic Hotline…’”

“You need your aura fluffed?”

He mimed trying to screw his head on tighter.

Leaning in, he said, “This is because of you, you know. You’re the unforgettable one – the one of a kind. Central casting could plop anyone in my chair, unnoticed. But everyone looks at you.”

She glanced around. “Are we being watched?”

“Tell me where you went last night, when you excused yourself to the powder room.”

“You think I came here? Miles away? With someone else? To make a scene?”

“You were gone a long time. Even for you.”

She rolled her eyes and they laughed.  

Sandy said, “We couldn’t win… The more we protested, the more convinced she was.”

“Let it go. Did you hear her? Each day, she’s a completely new person. How does she find her car keys? 'Couldn't be my phone bill. I just arrived.'”

“It's so weird. I can imagine one person having a double. Like a twin, I guess. But what are the odds of an identical couple wandering around?”

“It's insane. Forget it.”

Sandy looked into the distance. “Remember that time we came for lunch? The creek was running and little kids wading… That was so fun…”

Mark smiled at the memory.

A man approached.

“Excuse me, Mark? Sorry to interrupt. I was leaving when I saw you. I saw you here last night, but couldn’t get to you… Too busy with 'agent' stuff, I guess…”

“Oh, hi. Tim, right?” They shook hands.

“Jim. Hi. I've been trying to reach you.”

“Yeah. Wasn't here last night, though.”

“I could swear it was you.”

“Have you met my wife, Sandy?”

Sandy smiled up at him.

Jim said, “Hi… Glad to meet you… Your hair was a little different though.”

Mark said, “Call me… Wednesday morning. We'll have lunch.”

“Of course. Wanted to touch base. I'll call.”

Jim stepped back. Mark nodded and he left.

“Sheesh. Can't enjoy dinner without someone glomming onto...”

“Hello, he lied...” Sandy smiled.

“What are you are talking about? The guy’s a minor idiot.”

“That's harsh.”

“A stunt double who thinks he can act. Jumping off a roof doesn't mean Shakespeare’s calling.”

“That is a big leap.”

“He's bounced off too many cars.”

“Funny, he noticed my hair was different.”

“…From your evil twin's?”

“No. I get my hair done and you never notice. He noticed and he’s never seen me before.”

“I love your hair.”

“Thank you…”

“No, really.”

Sandy smiled. “I get it.”

The waiter approached with a shallow bow.

“Hello again, I'm Dwayne, your server tonight. Can I get you started with a beverage?”

“Two mai tais please, on the double.”

“Two double mai tais…”

“No… quickly…” Mark waved him off.

Dwayne bowed as he backed away.

Mark said, “I don't get how actors do it, always changing roles. Today I'm this person, tomorrow that. Must be crazy making.”

“Everyone wears masks, Mark. You did it with Jim.”

“I guess... I told you about that time someone was watching me?”

“That’s so eerie…”

“I looked around this cavernous restaurant and this guy’s looking right at me. Most people would look away, but he kept staring. Very rude.”

“What happened?”

“Furious, I stood up to confront him.”

“No…”

“When he stood too, I thought, 'what’s this?' Then I realized he was me.”

Sandy laughed.

“I was eye-balling myself in this gigantic, wall sized mirror. The room looked twice its size… So I sat back down and ate.”

“Should have given him a black eye. How dare he?”

“Yeah… Should see the other guy… You've heard of celebrity look alike services? Actors who resemble famous people get hired to populate parties. Get the buzz going.”

“What a way to make a living. Paid to pretend you’re someone else.”

Mark looked around for the waiter. “I want to do a variation on that with look-alikes from the FBI’s ten most wanted list.”

“Don't quit your day job, Mark.”

“That would get people talking.  'Guess who Jennifer had at her party last night - Charlie Manson!'

“Haven't seen him in years!”

“People always claim I take after some actor or another. What do you think…? Tom Cruise? Cary Grant…?”

Sandy pondered the question. “Mark, you are, unmistakably, my one-of-a-kind. Who cares what crazy Zelda says?”

“People don't see each other. They have cartoon images in their heads.”

“Stalked by Elmer Fudd.”

Dwayne arrived, set their drinks down and readied his order pad. The place was filling up.

“May I tell you our specials tonight?”

Mark said, “No.”

“We have some very good specials. They’re different from last night's…”

Mark did a slow burn.

Touching his hand, Sandy said, “Mark…”

Dwayne picked up on the tension. “What's wrong?”

Mark was direct. “Whatever you think you know about us, Dwayne, I don't care.”

“I really just…”

“We’re here for a nice meal. If you take care of us, we’ll take care of you. Deal?”

Unsure of what had happened, Dwayne said, “Of course.”

Sandy said, “I'll have the filet, medium rare, please.”

“The same.”

“Copycat.”

“I always wish I'd ordered what you have.”

“So daring. Try something new.”

“You’re always right, Sandy. Why fight it?”

They smiled.

Dwayne said, “Anything else? An appetizer?”

“That's it.”

“Very well.”

Dwayne took their menus and exited.

Mark raised his glass. “A toast to you Sandy, my lovely wife. May we always be so happy.”

She smiled. “Let's keep doing this another fifty years! Give or take...”

They touched glasses and drank.

Mark leaned in. “So, the truth, Sandy. It's time you confessed your secret twin.”

“I cannot lie. I always wished for someone to blame. But alas, I’m an only child.”

“That’s sad. Imagine all we could do with our siblings... Play Bridge. Pickle ball doubles…”

“Or scandalize the restaurant staff. Pretend we don't know each other...”

Mark sipped. “I actually do have a twin. Separated at birth, I never knew him.”

Sandy laughed. “You’re so silly.”

“I hope he's okay. I only remember… he was short.”

They laughed. Sandy stole the cherry from Mark’s drink and played with it seductively.

Adopting a Russian accent, she hissed, “Your secret has been exposed Mr. Stella. Though, by day, a powerful talent agent, by night, you’re a secret agent!”

“Oh my God! My cover is blown!”

“Hah! I too am a double agent. I locked your wife in the ladies room and am now here, in perfect disguise, to kidnap you back to my lair.”

“I’m such a fool! Your disguise is perfect… but for one telling, detail.”

She looked doubtful. “Impossible!”

“Sandy has a very cute mole on her right breast. Only I would know.”

“Silly boy. I thought of everything.”

“Prove it.”

Exposing her cleavage, Sandy leaned across the table. Mark stared. When he reached out she playfully hit his hand with her napkin.

“Look! Don't touch! You cad!”

“Insatiable curiosity, my dear.”

Sandy dropped her spy persona. In mock outrage, she scolded. “I can't believe you’d brazenly stare at another woman's cleavage!”

“Gotta love that mole.”

They laughed.

She said, “Isn't ‘mole’ a code word for a spy?”

Breathless, a woman approached the table.

“I'm sorry, I can't help myself. I am such a fan! I loved you in ‘Yes to Me Yesterday.’

 This had happened before. Sandy smiled. “I wasn't in that.”

“But you were. I can see you...”

“I wish, but no, I wasn't.”

The woman thought Sandy was lying but hated missing an opportunity.

“Okay. Whatever. Could I take your picture? Is it too much of a bother?”

Sandy stood and said, “How about if I take yours?”

A little disappointed, the woman handed Sandy her phone. She snapped a shot and passed it back.

“Sorry to be so foolish. Can't tell you how much this means...”

“Don't worry about it.”

The woman left. Sandy sat down.

“For years, she'll be telling friends she met ‘whatsername.’”

Mark looked at his wife with love. “Do you miss it?

“What? Acting? Of course. But what can I do? Not too many options.”

“You took a break. Could always dive back in. Especially with Timothy getting more independent.”

Sandy sipped her drink. “I'm afraid that ship has sailed.”

“You have the talent. You look great. Why not?”

“Oh... you know...”

“You're the one who doesn't believe in age, San. Knock it off.”

“Oh, thanks for reminding me. Tim has his driver's license test coming up. Can you be there for him?”

“My God. Already? He can barely tie his shoes and he's getting behind the wheel? When?”

“A week, Tuesday, I think. I'll let you know.”

Dwayne arrived with their dinner. “Careful, hot plates. Anything else?”

“It looks perfect.”

Sandy smiled. “Thank you.”

Dwayne nodded and left.

Sandy noticed Mark looking at her food. “I know. You think my steak is bigger.”

“Of course it is. Look at it. Your point?”

“Want to trade?”

“I'm not that hungry tonight. Go for it.”

Zelda passed their table and Sandy called to her.

“Oh, hi. Can I show you something?”

“Hi. Oh, the filet looks great. What's up?”

“I know you don't care, but I wanted to share pictures of where we were last night, on Facebook. See the date and location?”

“Oh, that's not necessary. I have that app for changing the time stamp too. No big deal. Already forgot about it.”

Zelda turned away. The trio announced a brief intermission.

Sandy set her fork down. “You know, Mark, if you found something good for me... But I don't want to embarrass myself...”

“Sandy… Of course. I'm always looking… thinking of you. Of what would be good for you.”

“Hate to look desperate.”

“A little secret? Actors love acting. Not desperation… More a state of being.”

She smiled in recognition.

He said, “But you won't believe what's out there. Zombies and vampires and super-hero sequels. It's embarrassing.”

“I guess.”

He rubbed his thumb against his fingers. “Don't know who goes to this stuff but it's an avalanche.”

Mark signaled Dwayne for another mai tai.

He continued, “There’s a few things I’m looking at for you.”

“Like what?”

“An honest drama. Something light. The comedies are dreck. You’re hilarious, but now it's all sex comedies with adolescents. Embarrassing…”

“But...”

“…Cartoon crap and CGI. Or slasher flicks. Some good TV with genuine feeling.”

“Thanks Mark. That means a lot.”

“The best dramas have identity at their core. Now, it's Zombies staggering around with goat guts hanging from their mouths. Disgusting and stupid.”

“I'm eating Mark.”

“Right. Sorry. You've heard me go on about this.”

“I have.”

Dwayne arrived with Mark’s second mai tai. Sandy plucked the cherry from it before he could drink.

“I can always count on that sexy vision of you with that olive in your mouth seared into my brain. I'll never forget you.”

Sandy held it up. “This is a cherry, Mark.”

“I know... What did I say? A cherry! Of course it's a cherry! Who would put an olive into a mai tai? The barbarian!”

“I don't like olives.”

“Of course. It's darker than a Maraschino so I mistook it. Is it good?”

“Best I've ever had.”

He took her hand. “You’re so gorgeous. Couldn't live without you.”

“Thanks, Mark. How I feel about you.”

“But I'm not gorgeous.”

“You are to me.”

They grinned. The musical trio returned to their places and began to play.

“You know your last show? That was a tough role.”

“Very.”

“Hard on everyone. Your hair was dark. Felt I didn’t know you. You weren't yourself. It took a toll.”

“I didn't know. It was so draining. It was like three different parts at once. Incredible pressure.”

“Wasn’t the character mentally ill?”

“Schizophrenic.”

He nodded. “Yeah… Wow. I missed you.”

“Missed you too.”

“Missed me? Where was I?”

“Here. But I was in New Orleans, on location. Remember?”

“Right!”

“It was called 'Two Rivers.’”

“And... There was only one river.”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, I'm talking about when you were prepping. I couldn't get close to you.”

“I was working, Mark.”

“I know Babe. But it was hard…”

Zelda approached, “Hi guys. You won’t believe this, but remember that couple I thought was you?”

Sandy sighed. “Yeah?”

“They just showed up. Sorry I was such a dope. You’re right. You aren't them.”

“Of course.”

“I knew it.”

Mark and Sandy high-fived.

Zelda said, “I want to apologize, and give you the heads up… I swear they look - exactly - like - you. Oh my God! It's like a fun house mirror. Can you believe it?”

Sandy tapped the table. “No.”

Mark looked around. “Where are they?”

“I’ll seat them in a minute. But don't freak out when you see yourselves walk onto the patio, okay? I don't need four lunatics here, on the loose.”

“Scout's honor…”

Mark whispered, “And that’s just the staff…”

Sandy waved her hand to shush him.

“I'll get them now, so sit tight. Okay?”

She exited, and returned moments later, leading a well-dressed couple to a nearby table. They looked nothing like Mark and Sandy.

Zelda turned to Mark and Sandy and mugged.

They looked at their ‘doubles,’ and back to each other, in wonder.

He said, “In what universe could anyone mistake us for Arnold Swarzenegger and Hillary Clinton?”

Sandy said, “I almost feel like I know them. Should we introduce ourselves? Wish them a calm, relaxed evening?”

“I’ll pass. Don’t want to chance mingling pixie dust and disrupt the time/space continuum.”

Sandy laughed. “Right. What you said. Me too.”

“Happy Anniversary…”

They clinked glasses and drank.