Dark night of the soul

The dark night of the soul..what is that. Something stupid obviously something fake. I’ve never know someone who’s gone through that? Have I...oh no...pacing, cold under the weather they say. No something else...something different. It’s like who I was does not exists and who I will be hasn’t been created so where do I land? Where am I..who am I? Pieces of me start to fall off. Purging and aching my body is in flames. It hurts so bad I can’t feel anything. Ripping me piece by piece. Section by section psychically, energetically mentally and emotionally. Tell me when does this end. It’s like the winter solstice has lasted forever.day after day night after night. Constant pokes constant shakes constant aches. I look at my self in the mirror I’m pale I’m pale. Where did my color go? say goodbye to the old you.  I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t feel my body. I’m floating someone stop me. Someone help me where am I? How did I get here? My face is numb. It’s cold out here.  Bring me back down welcome to death. It is time. Do I trust or do I panic? Believe me the voice says I will never let you down. Than why let me suffer? Why am I suffering? Why should I suffer? To learn to grow. Day by day night by night. The sleepless nights have been replaced by panic worry. Racing thoughts racing heart. Every day that passes is exactly like the last. Am I living in a time warp? Am I living in the twilight zone? My life is just consumed by thoughts. What if’s, i regret, I’ve should of done this. I wish I was a time traveler to see how this plays out in the long run. You’re not good enough. You’re dying. There’s nothing you can do. It’s all in my head. It’s all in my head. I’m ok. I can do this. I can do this. No I can’t! I’m not ready I can’t it’s too soon. It’s too soon. I can’t. Someone help me! Please someone help me! I’m so alone. There’s no one in sight. It’s so dark. Why is it so dark. It’s so cold. I can’t stop myself from shaking. I’m freezing. This cycle never ends. This cocoon is constricting. So suffocating so infernal. Let me out I beg. Let me out I scream. Please someone help me this is the end I can feel it. My breath gets heavier. I start to panic. I’m scared, I’m so scared someone please save me. Someone please help me? Someone please comfort me. I wish you were here to hold my hand. To hold me one lasts time. can someone hear me!! Someone has to hear me? Someone please help me. All I hear is the silence. And I feel...the warmth and wetness from the tears falling down my face. It’s no use. It’s no freaking use. No one can hear me. No one will help me. no one will can help me.  It’s time. It’s me against the end. I can no longer fight this. I can no longer run. But I can’t accept this. I can’t just let myself go. I have to fight. the silence is so loud it goes on for eons. All is null. Wait what is that noise? Help I scream as I feel this thing start to shake. I can hear it crack. What the hell is going on. Why am I shaking. What’s happening to me. Tears are still running down my face. I’m gasping for air. I’m hyperventilating. I feel so weird. What is this electricity running through my body. My feet are hot. My body is hot. It’s like I’m on fire. What is that? What is that I see? Light...a light? I can hear something. What is that? Sounds like rain...I can hear rain..and birds. I can hear the birds chirping. I can breathe? I can breathe. What is that I smell? smells like freshly bloomed flowers. I can stand. I can feel the floor. I can feel my body. I can move my hands. I can move my

Legs. I can feel my essence. I can feel the ground beneath my Toes. I’m no longer pale. I can see my toes they are flushed. I’m no longer heavy.  Who is that? I can see people. Who are they? I’ve never seen them before. They are All dressed in white. They are all shining. They look happy to see me. They all greet me. Welcome....Welcome to your rebirth. Why am I here? How did I get here? It’s beautiful here. Everything looks so new. Everything looks so divine. For some reason I no longer feel scared. I feel...I feel....intrigued. But I’m confused. What happened. I’m not sure what happened . What happened. You learned they say. You grew. You’ve changed, You’ve awoken. But you don’t trust what we say. You never trust what we say. We would never steer you wrong. so why don’t you take a look yourself? What do you see? I look at myself in the mirror. I’m shining.I’m bright...My cheeks are flushed. My eyes as brown as honey. My skin as warm as apples pie fresh out of the oven. The sunflowers on my dress. Wow I look so different. I look so...so....Spirited...dare I even say vibrant. say hello...say hello to the new you. I walk outside. I’m outside. I can see the flowers I smelled. The Pastel purples and blues. I can still hear the birds chirping. I’ve made it. I did it? I’m finally here? I don’t understand. How long was I gone? How long did this last? I’m thinking so hard. Buts it’s almost as if I can’t remember. I can’t remember....why can’t I recall what happened. It all seems like a blur to me. It’s over.. Winter solstice is finally over. This inertia is finally over. I smile. Say hello to the world. Welcome to spring.