Moving on is a slice of cake.

“You should see the roses darling.” Sue paused trying to think of the right expression, “Well their coming up rosy” she finished with a smile. Rising from her crouching position she grimaced as her knees clicked and her back protested. Still, looking down at the immaculate grave she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of satisfaction. Brian, in life had always been a tidy man, it was only right that she made the weekly trek to ensure his grave was maintained. “Perhaps I will bring a few next week. Not too many mind.” she hastily added, remembering her husband’s complaints at the culling of his roses to adorn her living room table. Mr. Grumpy, that’s what she’d nicknamed him in their later years, a far cry from the young boy that had stolen her heart by making her laugh. What she wouldn’t give to hear him complain now, ` why is it,` she wondered, ` that we never appreciate what we have until its gone?` With a sigh, she turned and made her way back up the path, wondering what to do with herself until her train arrived an hour later.

Moving had been the right thing to do, she was closer to her daughter and her sister, and that meant a great deal at her time of life, or so she told herself for the umpteenth time. But she hadn’t thought at the time of making her decision about Brian and his grave. If she'd thought about it a little earlier, she might have been tempted to have him cremated and his ashes enclosed in a little pot that she could have taken with her. Unfortunately whilst Brian had never spoken about his wishes, he had complained continuously about dust, so somehow it hadn't seemed right to turn him into a pile of dust. He'd also had a pet-hate for her tendency to collect ornaments, which again made her think he wouldn’t have appreciated becoming one of them, sitting on the mantle, gathering even more dust. But this weekly trek, was starting to get her down.

“Mum, have you thought about making it monthly?” her daughter had asked the previous week, when picking her up from the station. “A lot can go astray in a month darling.” She’d replied, with a weary smile. Three years, she’d been making the journey. In the beginning it had helped her feel closer to Brian, but now it just reminded her that he was so far away from her, as in another realm away!

“Time to let him go.” Her sister had advised, as if he was a butterfly that she’d kept from caterpillar, that was now ready to unfurl its wings. How do you let go, of a life time of love? She’d wondered, but not asked her twice divorced sister, who just wouldn’t have understood. She was still pondering all of this, when her stomach rumbled, making her recall that she’d woken late and in a hurry to catch her train had skipped breakfast. And as luck would have it, there across the street from the cemetery was a little coffee shop, nothing fancy but perfect for a brew and a slice of toast and jam.

In no time at all, Sue found herself seated at a corner table by the window, the perfect spot to watch the world pass by. Occasionally she would notice someone coming out of the iron gates opposite, and would study their form, trying to work out where they were in the complex progression of mourning. If asked about her own, she would say she was nearing the end, and could see the light. But sometimes she questioned this, and felt that mourning was more like a circle, and just as you think you had reached the end, along came a celebration or anniversary and you were straight back to the beginning. She’d read once that the loss didn’t get less in time, you simply learnt to live around it. Or in her case, move away from it, and do a weekly commute. Still Brian would have walked to the ends of the earth for her, the least she could do was a two hour weekly train journey for him. Her thoughts, halted briefly as she noticed a man leaving the cemetery, a handsome chap, possibly around her age - of mid fifties. She was a little taken aback, as she didn’t normally notice men. “Join a dating agency, I can recommend several.” her sister had suggested, ignoring the harsh whispers to be quiet, as they took part in the community hall weekly meditation session. “I am passed all that.” she’d whispered back, smiling apologetically at the woman opposite who looked ready to commit murder. The server bringing over a plate of perfectly browned toast, accompanied by two little packs of butter and a pot of jam, brought her back to present. After she’d thanked him, she turned back to the window and was vaguely disappointed to find the man had vanished.

“Do you mind.” The male voice startled her, hurriedly swallowing down a mouthful of toast she looked up and almost choked. There he was, the handsome stranger standing at her table, his hand resting lightly on the spare chair.

“Only it's the last seat in the house. But if you would rather I didn’t, I would understand.”

Glancing round Sue saw that he was speaking the truth, and that the only place left to sit down was at her table.

“No of course not. I mean go for it.” She had grown unaccustomed to speaking to men.

He sat down, awkwardly folding his long legs in under the table, the action causing their knees to bump. Reaching forward she grasped her mug and took a hefty gulp of tea to dislodge the toast that had become stuck in her throat.

“Nice day for it.” The stranger stated, making Sue wonder what exactly ` it` was. But then she’d never fully got the expression when Brian had said it.

“For what?” she asked, just as she'd asked Brian so many times over the years. She always felt it sounded like a half finished sentence, and found this mildly annoying.

“Tending a grave.” he replied, and suddenly Sue wished she hadn’t asked, thinking ` it` was much more preferable, as it could have meant something jolly, like skinny dipping naked in the lakes. A blush rose up from her neck, why on earth had she thought of that, it had been years since herself and Brian had partaken in this daring pursuit.

“Just, I noticed your little trowel sticking out your handbag.” The stranger went on to explain. “I mean I weren’t following you or ought.” he finished with a little self conscious laugh, that made her blush deepen.

“Quite the detective.” she smiled back, her tone more sarcastic than she’d intended it to be.

“Alas, I can lie no further. I have noticed you over there before.” he explained, pointing across the road. “Seen you several times in fact. I swear if there was a prize for best kept grave, you’d receive gold.”

“I try.” Sue mumbled, hesitating whether to take another bite or not. You read all sorts now a-days, perhaps this handsome stranger sitting opposite her was really a deranged stalker, or even worse, a serial killer. As much as she missed Brian, she wasn’t in a great hurry to be reunited with him, she wanted to see her grandchildren grow up at least.

“Oh my God, I am making a right mess of this aren’t I ?” the stranger laughed, then paused as the server placed a bacon sandwich in front of him.

“Let me start again, name’s Keith. I am not a loony roaming cemeteries, I lost my wife fifteen years ago now. She was cycling home and came off worse against a BMW, with a kid behind the wheel and mobile stuck to his ear!”

“Oh I am so sorry.” Sue cried, and meant it. She’d hated seeing Brian wasting away before her eyes, but at least they had a chance to say their goodbyes and prepare for what was to come. Come to think of it, why hadn’t Brian told her what he wanted, by way of disposal, but then that wasn’t Brian’s style, he lived very much in the moment. His last months, had been more focused on them, and getting his affairs in order, to make it easier for her to cope. The thought of him going out one day, and never coming home, was something she couldn’t imagine.

“It was hard to begin with.”

“I can imagine.”

“I kept hearing the creak of the gate, thinking any minute the door would open and Pam would come hurtling through, complaining about some idiotic driver or another. I loved Pam, still do, but my God that woman of mine knew how to complain. Everything had its place and God help you if you didn’t know it.” He explained his voice lightening until he was laughing at the memory.

“Brian was like that.” Sue chuckled, biting into her toast and chewing happily.

“Trouble was, I am a bit of a slob. Don’t get me wrong, I am into hygiene and all that , but I seem to like mess. There is an order to my chaos, which did drive poor Pam nuts.”

“Me too.” Sue agreed, “Brian banned me from buying exercise equipment, as he said it would just end up as another surface to hang clothes off of.”

“Pam would hate me using the mantle to store letters and stuff on. She was always gathering them up and popping them away into drawers. Of course then I would forget about them, and forget to pay that all important bill. Christ, I lost count of how many times I was charged unnecessarily.”

“Brian used to say, he needed danger money to live with me, especially if we were going out and I was sorting through my wardrobe for something to wear.” Sue laughed, “Once, we were rushing about, and poor Brian tripped over my stilettos and ended up in A&E having his head stapled. ` Sue Goddard, you are a menace!` he moaned as the staples went in. I felt so guilty, but I never did clean up my act. Brian did that for me.”

“Your name is Sue?” Keith enquired, taking a slurp of his coffee.

“Oh, yes, sorry I forgot I hadn’t introduced myself.”

“Would you like another brew, Sue?” Keith smiled, before chuckling “See a poet and didn’t know it.”

“That is awful!” Sue laughed back, already signaling for the server to take their new request.

“Do you need to be somewhere?” Keith asked sometime later, as Sue glanced at her watch.

“My train is due in ten minutes, if I hurry I might just make it.”

“life’s too short to spend it hurrying. Surely there will be another train, or if you really want to live dangerously, I can drive you home.”

“Oh no I couldn’t, I mean I live almost two hours away.” Sue objected, even as she settled back in her seat. Something about Keith made her feel safe, in a way she’d long forgotten.

“Well lets be complete rebels, I have been eyeing up that poppy cake, ever since I laid eyes on it.” Keith announced, this time being the one to signal.

“I shouldn’t.” Sue objected again, although she was not entirely certain if she was saying this about the cake or staying. Either way, she had a feeling she was about to crumble.

“How often do you tend the grave? I live just round the corner, and I have seen you a fair few times?” Keith asked, as he lifted his slice of cake and admired it.

“Weekly.” Sue replied, savouring the sugar rush as it hit her system, ` perhaps `it’s not the sugar giving you that rush! ` her little inner voice mocked.

“That’s some commitment, Brian is a lucky man.”

“We shared something special.” Sue replied simply.

“Yeah, I get that, totally resonates. I had the opportunity to move to the States with work, but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave Pam behind.” Keith shrugged, “I mean, we know their not really there. That they are with us, in that moment when we first open our eyes and close them at the end of day, but still just leaving them, doesn’t feel right does it?”

“No.” Sue agreed. “I sometimes regret moving." She started to confess, before pausing, shocked at how candid she was being. "I did so to be closer to my daughter and my sister. Now my sister grates on me if truth be told, and my daughter has her own life and family to raise. I sometimes think I am more of a hindrance. At the time I was lonely, and the choice was move next to people or remain and become a pitiful figure kneeling at a grave recounting the week’s events.” She gave a small dismissive laugh, “I somehow managed to end up doing that anyway.”

“Would you consider moving back?” Keith asked, trying to get the server's attention yet again.

“There is nothing for me here.” Sue replied wistfully

“But you never know there could be.” Keith replied, pausing to tell the server he wanted the bill, for both their meals.

“No don’t be silly.” Sue objected,

“I’m the one who wanted cake.” he laughed, his tone telling her it was pointless to argue.

“We both know what love is, how special it is, perhaps that gives us an advantage over others.” Keith continued as the server moved away, smiling at the hefty tip he’d been given.

“Like I said before life is too short”

“Yes for rushing, I think you said.” Sue chipped in, wanting to demonstrate that she had been listening.

“And for not grasping opportunities when they come your way.” he finished.

“Truth is Sue, much like the cake, I have liked the look of you since first laying eyes on you. I have been waiting for the opportunity to speak to you, but it never felt right, when you were chatting to your husband. Then today, when I looked over and saw you, just sitting here, with an empty seat opposite you, and the place so packed. Well, it felt to be a heaven sent opportunity.”

“I don’t know.” Sue mumbled, not really sure what it actually was that she didn't know.

“I know.” Keith nodded sympathetically “For me there has been no one else since Pam, and she will always commandeer a remarkably tidy piece of my heart. Then I saw you, and realized there was still room. I still have plenty of life to live, and it would be nice to have someone to live it with who isn't afraid of things getting messy from time to time.”

“But you barely know me.” Sue protested.

“That’s true, but every great relationship has to start somewhere. Ours just happened to start in a coffee shop. I am sure if we allow ourselves too, we would enjoy getting to know one another.”

“Perhaps.” Sue agreed, ` indeed we will ` her inner voice cried joyfully.

Twelve months later

“They will think us touched in the head.” Sue laughed as she accepted the glass he was holding out to her.

“And what is so strange about sitting in cemetery drinking champagne and poppy cake?” Keith laughed in return “We could be doing something far more outrageous, like sitting here naked.”

Sue, quickly glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to overhear, her mind going back to the previous month and the glorious week they’d spent in the Lake District, in particular to their daring skinny dip whilst wild camping.

“Well here is a toast to us, and our love that we share with” Keith smiled, and then turned to the bank of tombstones behind him, “ Pam” before turning back to the row in front of them, “ and Brian”

“To us, and Pam and Brian.” Sue repeated clinking her glass against his.

“I must say, Pam’s grave is looking incredibly tidy.” Keith complimented.

“Yes, even Brian would approve, it might have taken me his entire lifetime, but I eventually learnt to keep something tidy”

“I glad it's just here in the cemetery, and I kind of like your messy approach to life.” Keith teased as he moved in for a kiss.

“It's good that one of you does, as I imagine both Brian and Pam are quite dizzy from all their spinning when they look at the state of our house.” Sue laughed as they broke apart.

“A messy bed is the sign of passion” Keith teased, “speaking of which, lets go home and really celebrate our anniversary!”