Broken promises

The smell of Old Bay seasoning assaulted my nose as I entered Collie's Crab Shack. It was filled with people. I never could truly understand the craze for seafood. But that's certainly not why I'm here. My heart is pounding in my chest like I've been running for my life. This is it...

Oh my she's beautiful, I mean really gorgeous. She's a natural beauty. She's tall like her father with my mother's face. Those are my eyes, well my father's eyes and my caramel complexion. I wonder what she sounds like? She's doing such a great job greeting customers with a smile and being polite. I'm so proud. Oh wow! I'm next. I don't want to be too forward too soon.

"Would you like to upgrade your combo to a large?" the young cashier asked with an easy smile. She was the only employee in the place that had a smile on her face. "Yes, I certainly would" I answered her and returned the smile. She grabbed one of their large commemorative cups and a pen to customize it with. The cups were used to commemorate their 50th year in business. "What's your name Miss, I need to sign your cup" she asked politely. "Halsey" I said without thinking, and immediately regretted it. I glanced down at her name tag and noticed her name was Haley. She seemed rattled by what I said but quickly recovered.

I didn't really like seafood but this is a necessary nuisance I will endure in order to see my baby girl.

"Thank you, come again" Haley says as I grab the covered plate and peach lemonade she hands me. I give her my most brilliant smile and turn to leave.

It was two weeks after my junior prom. My date Adrian and I had a great time. We had been friends since 2nd grade. He was shorter than me until after the summer of our 6th grade year. He started 7th grade and was 5' 10". We, mainly me, decided why not be a couple? We already liked each other. It didn't last, but our friendship did. He asked me to the prom and I said yes. I said yes too much.

I was kissed awake by my Mama who was smothering me with kisses and back pats. "Happy 17th birthday Niyema!" my fabulously loud family yelled after I slowly sat up in bed. Dad and my brother DJ were standing in my door smiling ear to ear. DJ must've left campus really early to get here and wish me a happy birthday at 6:30 a.m. He was a junior in college and lived over an hour away from home. I smiled and reveled in the warmth of their love. Being the baby of the family was awesome! In that moment I felt secure and encouraged enough to share my fears. My smile slowly melted into a look of worry and before my mother could ask 'what's wrong' I blurted "I think I'm pregnant".

My throat tightened and I struggled to get air in, I opened my mouth but it didn't help. "WHAT!" my brother screamed with a look of disgust on his face usually reserved for people that make racist remarks. My Dad walked away. I turned, while still struggling for air, to face my mother who was now standing and pulling me from my bed into her arms. I could breath. Her crushing hug seemed to squeeze air into my lungs. I cried as she rocked me back and forth. "I've gotcha, Mama is here".

The car ride to the doctor's office was horrific. What an awesome 17th birthday, not! I know it's my fault. I could've waited and partied with my family, friends, and Adrian. I just couldn't keep the secret any longer. I couldn't hold it, it outgrew me. My Dad won't even look at me, my Mama has been so great. She immediately canceled the party and quickly made me an emergency appointment with her obgyn. I realized as we drove over to my appointment that I was really hungry. I placed my hands on my still flat stomach to suppress the growl I knew was coming. "Mama, can I still eat my cake?" I asked in a pleading tone. She turned to answer my question, "it's yours Ni, eat as much as you like". My stomach must've developed ears because it responded to her with a massive growl. My Dad looked at me through the rear view window with contempt. I hugged my stomach tighter in an attempt to quiet it. My brother, who decided he would come along, silently tossed me a chocolate chip granola bar from his jacket pocket. I tried to give him a look of thanks but he wouldn't look in my direction. The frown on his face was one of pure disappointment.

Those 40 weeks seemed to fly by and I was eager to push. I had suffered from diarrhea, leg cramps, constant nausea, insomnia, and frequent episodes of crying hysterically. My Dad hadn't spoken to me since my confession. My Mama was my ally, I thought. She helped me choose the perfect family for my baby girl. She homeschooled me so I wouldn't get behind while pregnant.

"Niyema push" my brother said as he squeezed my left hand. My Mama was wiping my forehead while holding my right hand. Dad had silently drove me to the hospital at 3 a.m. but didn't come inside.

"She's 5lbs and 11 ounces" the midwife announced. "Her length is 19 inches." I was relieved and happy as I heard the news and reached for her. The nurse swaddled her and approached me with the baby but my Mama grabbed her first. "Awww look at granny, she wants to be the first to hold her" I said with pride as my mother walked out of the room with my baby. My brother squeezed my hand and bowed his head as if in deep prayer. "Mama!" I hollered "what's going on?" This isn't what we agreed. She promised I could keep her for a year and then give her to her adoptive parents. "Mama!" I screamed desperately, the nurse came to my side and encouraged me to calm myself. Adrian stood up to follow our baby but seemed to rethink his decision and sat back down.

I snatched my hand from my brother's grasp with repulsion when only minutes ago it brought me comfort. He had came around a month after my news and always gave in to buying me my weird food cravings. I struggled to get out of the bed but it seemed that nurses came out of nowhere to pin me down. I saw one push something in my IV and everything went black.

"May I take your order please?" Haley asked politely. I stared at the menu board and casually asked "what do you suggest I get?" She frowned slightly, "umm ma'am I don't really like seafood but the gumbo is ordered a lot and people seem to love it". Wow! She gets that from me. Her father loves anything from the water, even seaweed. "I'll take a small bowl of gumbo and a medium lemonade" I said with smile. "Peach flavor, right?" she asked remembering my multiple previous trips. I nodded yes, happy that she remembered.

"Niyema, wake up" I heard my father's voice but it was still dark. I had to be dreaming. "Niyema, open your eyes" my Dad's voice spoke again and I complied. He handed me my baby with tears in his eyes. "It's not right that you don't at least get to see her. You have to see her to name her. They promised you could at least name her. I mean for you to get what you were promised" he said in a very sad low voice as he wiped my tears and his dropped on his shirt.

I looked down and saw her for the first time...my heart melted. I want her! She's mine! They promised more Daddy. I longed to tell him.

I looked over at the couch where her father sat and he seemed annoyed. His mother had directed him to attend his child's birth or find someplace else to live. He was against the adoption but his parents forced him to honor my decision or my mother's decision. "Daddy, can I.." I began to ask but my mother interrupted me. "You will name her right now and get back to YOUR life!" she spoke with such vehemence I was startled and jumped. My jump must have scared the baby because she began to cry. "Don't cry Halsey". The nurse quickly came to my side with a clipboard, "could you spell that and provide a middle name so we can return her to her parents?" Halsey continued to cry as I spelled her name and asked her father if he wanted to give her a middle name. He looked surprised then perplexed. He responded happily after some thought "Adrian, like me, but e-nn-e instead of the a-n". He walked over to take a look before she was removed from my arms.

We hadn't planned on this. Adrian and I just wanted to go to the prom and spend prom night losing our virginity. We hadn't planned on becoming parents. We hadn't planned on becoming parents that give up their child.

I continued to hear her cries as they carried her away.

I arrived at the restaurant again, determined to be honest and share my truth with my baby girl. It was her birthday. She's 18 years old today. I can legally discuss her adoption without restrictions. I got out of my car and was surprised to see her walking towards me with a very tall man that seemed familiar to me.

Adrian? Is that Adrian? "Niyema," he said happily and I knew immediately it was him. "It's Adrienne, with an e-nn-e!" He said this while holding her hand and walking towards me. She smiled as if she was privy to a secret she was not ready to share. "How..." I began my question but couldn't complete it before she fell into my arms and gave me the warmest hug I've ever received.

"It's ok Mama, I know" she said in a muffled voice.