The Brightest One There

The whole of my existence reduced to nothing. As I tried to open my eyes, the salt in the water stung them so bad I yelped; that only made things worse. Water rushed into my mouth and I quickly shut it. I tried to swim toward the surface but I didn't know which way to swim. I was so disoriented and lightheaded I felt like I was a feather floating in the wind.

A feather floating in the wind

A feather landed on my nephew's nose as we sat down staring up at the clouds. 

"Eeekk," he squealed out; "Look Cara, Look." I glanced down at the little boy sitting in my lap. "Ooou, haha, a feather. Is it tickling you JJ?" "sort of ," he replied as he tried to blow the feather off of his nose. "Does it tickle as much as....THIS!" I yell as I yank the four-year old off my thighs and begin tickling him. "AaAahh. Stop...STOPP!! Haha." He shrieked with delight as I began tickling him. " I am the merciless tickle monster. You'd better run and hide." I'll give you till the count of three. Ready? 1....2....

The feather, culprit of starting this tickle war, slowly floating back up to wherever it came from.

JJ. I miss him. I miss him so much.

Thinking about him brought back so many memories.

Sitting on my couch in my condo, it was his turn to pick what we would watch on this quiet friday night. "7 SECOND RIDDLES!!" He squealed as I came to sit down, freshly popped popcorn in my hand. "Are you sure?" I ask with a giggle. "Yeah, I'm sure." "OK then," I consent as I click the power button on the TV remote. The TV didn't turn on. I tried again. "Sorry JJ, I guess the batteries are dead." "Oh, That's OK. I know one of the riddles by heart." He answered. " OK, hit me." "Alright, Alright. Umm. Oh ya I remember. If you are in a big body of water, The deep end of the pool for example, and you are drowning and you don't know which way is up all you have to do is blow out 3 times. This should make bubbles, and the bubbles always float to the top.” “Very smart JJ, That’s brilliant. If you’re ever drowning, all you need is 5 bubbles.” I applauded. “My name isn’t JJ, it’s Jared. And, all you need is 3 bubbles. Not 5, just 3.”

Just 3 bubbles.   

I opened my mouth slightly and released 3 puffs of breath. 1, 2, 3 bubbles went down my body. ‘I was upside-down?’ I think. All 3 bubbles gradually go toward my feet. I use what little of my strength is left, and begin to turn around and swim. The darkness that was swallowing me slowly began to feel lighter and lighter, the heavy chains of gravity slowly releasing me. I burst through the surface of the cold water. I cough, sputtering up water. I look around me and see nothing but endless sea. I begin thinking about swimming but I soon scrap that thought. I’m too tired. I can barely keep myself afloat. Treading water was taking too much of my energy so I went onto my back to float. The bright blue sky was filled with light but not warmth. I squint as I stare up at it. As I lie belly up in the ocean, tears stream down my face. My only thought is that I'm going to die right here, right now; and I'm not scared, in fact I welcome it with open arms. I close my eyes and let the cold ocean swallow me. I’m not resisting.

When I open my eyes, I’m on an island. The sand is pearl white, shining in the sun and glistening with water. I slowly push myself off the ground. I cry out as my hand is impaled with a shard of a broken shell. A yank out the shell and rinse away the blood in the ocean. The salt water stings my wound but it is bearable. I rip the bottom of my shirt and wrap it around my wounded palm. I look down at my shirt and begin to weep.

“Happy birthday Cara!” JJ’s sweet voice yells in my ear. “ Aww thanks JJ.” Bouncing with enthusiasm, JJ hands me a crudely wrapped gift. “ I wrapped it myself,” he exclaims. “ Wow, I’m impressed,” I say as I take the package held out to me and begin to unwrap it. “ Oh, Wow. Is that our faces?” JJ smiles “ Ya. I printed out one of our pictures and had a store put it on the shirt.” I smile, tears welling up in my eyes.”I love it.”

The bottom of my chin in the picture has been ripped off and is now wrapped around my hand. I get up and start walking toward the edge of the beach. With my feet in the cool water and the setting sun beating against my back, I relax; if only for a little while. 

I sat on a floatie with my book in hand as JJ did cannonballs on the other side of the pool. “ COWABUNGA!” He yelled as he jumped in. “ Oy,” I squeal, half with delight half in despair as the splattered water ruins my book. “JJ! You ruined my book-” I begin until I see bubbles rising from the bottom then stopping. “JJ!” My heart stops. I throw my book and dive into the pool. I pull him out of the pool with all of my might. I start performing CPR. “ Come on JJ breathe. BREATHE. PLEASE!” He begins to turn blue. Tears stream down my face as I keep pumping his chest. “Breath, breathe, please breathe. Don’t leave me.” Black Beauty’s pages begin to disintegrate at the bottom of the pool.

I couldn’t save him. I did everything I could but I failed him. I was so lost after that. My grades went down significantly. My whole family kept harping on and on about bringing my grades up from its horrible standing, but I was enraged. How could they not care that JJ was gone? I wasn’t thinking when I rented a shoddy speedboat from a shifty guy and sailed out into the Atlantic, where the boat exploded and left me sinking into the dark depths of nothingness. The sun had gone down completely and in its place, a full moon shone brightly on this white sand beach. Stars began to dot the sky, one constellation after the other. I lay back to look at them. The waves began to beat against the shore and a soft breeze rustled through the sky, swirling fallen leaves and dandelion seeds. I cried some more as I looked at what used to be JJ’s favourite constellation; The Little Dipper. Shining in my eyes, when I looked at the little dipper all I saw was JJ’s face. He smiled at me and I smiled back. When would I be able to let him go? Let this hurting go? I hope it's soon, because I can't go on like this; I simply can’t say the words, but I have to try. Goodbye JJ. I know heaven gained another angel, and he’s the brightest one there.