God in the Sunshine

It was the darkness that really bothered her.  She understood the solitude, but not the darkness.  Four days in dark solitude and already she was questioning her choice to join this commune of people.  You can do this, You can do this.  These words became her montra.  She only had three days to go and  she will be a sunshine member of the group.  

The Reality of Life Commune was a blessing to Regina, for what she knew so far.She had been living in the city for two years on her own and still could not find her niche.  She tried her hand at babysitting,waitressing, and dog walking.  Even though these jobs paid the rent and the  bills, she really wasn’t happy.  Pastor Rick had pointed that out to her.  She didn’t realize how unhappy she was until she had met him one day in the city park while she was walking a clients’ dog.  Pastor Rick pointed out that she was so busy working that she didn’t have time to find what made her happy.  She admitted to him that art was one thing that made her happy, and he was right; by the time she got home in the evening she wasn’t exactly inspired to do her art work.  Pastor Rick pointed out that she could do artwork and sell it if she came to live with a community of believers at the Reality of Life Commune.  No, she didn’t see herself living in a commune. She had heard they were bad.  She heard the people who lived in these groups were brainwashed by the leader. She had a God that she believed in because her parents had taken her to church every Sunday since she was born. She had heard that these “cults” wanted you to believe in a human person and that was not what she learned as a child. Regina was encouraged by the pastor to just come and see the commune. On the commune you can believe in your own God, that is what Pastor Rick said.  He also told her that the spirit of God exists in those who believe in Him.  He, Pastor Rick was just a messenger like Peter and Paul in the Bible.  For some odd reason, the way he looked at her with those kind blue eyes told her it would not hurt to just see the place he spoke of.  She could always leave, right?  Right.

The first visit to the commune was magical.  The sunshine members were all so friendly to her and they showed her around the complex.  She did notice that some of the women tended to follow Pastor Rick a little closely, but who wouldn't?  He was very handsome and even more personable.  The men on the commune were building a structure on the property and Regina was told it was a house for Pastor Rick.  She thought about how the preachers at her church she grew up in had their own house, so this made sense to her. Around the complex there were huts, a barn and a house on a beautiful lake.  Sustainable living was the phrase one of the ladies made, and peace with God was another.  Regina began liking the idea of this type of freedom, and Pastor Rick held church services Sunday and Wednesday.  She liked that idea because in the city she had not found a church where she fit in.  The people here were so encouraging and inviting.Regina told herself that this could not possibly be a cult because the spirit moved these people; that is what Pastor Rick told her, and she believed him.  Everyone was very kind and non-judgemental. 

For the next week, Regina visited the commune several times, watching how the sunshine members all worked together on the building, the gardens and feeding the animals.  People took turns cooking for everyone, and Regina, like other women,  earned  a private spiritual prayer time with Pastor Rick for helping feed the chickens as a guest. She was allowed into his private quarters in the existing building,  and he prayed that the spirits of the commune would help her rid herself of the need for material things.  Material things prevented her from finding herself in her art.  She missed her art.  She agreed totally with Pastor Rick; afterall he was a messenger like Peter and Paul in the bible.  When he held her hands in his to pray, she could feel the intensity of his voice.  She could agree with him that she should give up her apartment and use her money in the bank to help the commune.  She was a smart woman, though and did not mention a large sum of money in a trust fund in a particular bank.  My daddy raised no fool, she told herself, and knew she had a back-up plan if things didn't work out for her on the commune.

After the first day of getting settled in, Pastor Rick came to her and revealed that she needed a seven day journey in the dark so that she could see the true light.  He explained that true love and nourishment in the Lord above comes after you have spent time contemplating in the dark.. Of course there will be times of candlelight when the sisters of the sunshine bring her food and help her bathe.  Of course she will have access to a bathroom. This was her time to get in touch with her inner self; the one that loved art and drawing and nature. It was a proven fact, Pastor Rick had said, and the sisters of sunshine agreed.  Everyone of them had accomplished the task and felt more joy than they ever had, especially when they stepped out of the darkness in seven days and saw the most brilliant light they had ever seen.  Regina found their reassurance plausible, and closed her eyes to imagine what her artwork would transform into.  Seven days was not that long after all.  You can do this, she thought to herself, you are beautiful and strong.

The next morning, four sisters came to her tent.  Without saying a word, they surrounded her and led her to the building, Pastor Rick's temporary home.Leading her downstairs to what looked like a basement, She stood in front of a door marked with a paint sign that read, The Dark Room.  Pastor Rick stood on the steps and she was asked to look at him. The sisters began to disrobe her as Regina fixed her eyes on the Pastor.  She was surprised how relaxed she felt as they took off all of her clothes. Standing silently, vulnerable and naked, she realized the sisters had a white gown for her to put on.  Before they approached her, however, Pastor Rick moved silently toward her.  He grabbed her and kissed her with his tongue.He then drew back, pushed her long red hair behind her ear and whispered  how proud he was that  she had made the decision God wanted her to make.  She chose to get closer to God for the next seven days so she could help and teach and encourage others to do the same.  Regina felt loved and empowered at this moment.  Could it be that Pastor Rick saw a future with her? She knew at this moment God had led her there and that she needed to listen to every word He said to her in the dark.  She would listen and learn and come into the sunlight with a plan for her life.  The women of sunshine (also known as sisters of sunshine) helped her into her flowing white gown and led her into the dark room by candlelight.  Squinting, Regina saw a bed, a small tv tray, and in the corner, a toilet and sink.  They motioned her to lay down on the bed, and then methodically each one leaned over and kissed her on the lips before the door closed.Odd, Regina thought, but it’s probably just part of the ritual.  She laid in the darkness asking her god to reveal to her in these seven days of darkness exactly what she should see in the light. Visions of her artwork danced in her mind as she tossed and turned in the bed for a while.  That evening, as Regina stood by her bed and walked in place, she heard a faint knock at the door.  She made her way in the dark and opened the door to her room to fine two sisters standing outside.  One of the sisters, a thin blonde around thirty, was holding a tray of food  with a dim flashlight squeezed under her arm.  The second younger woman was holding a pan of water and a towel.  She pushed past Regina to place the pan on the nightstand.  She too carried a dim flashlight.  Before she could eat, she had to bathe, and the sisters of the sunshine had her remove her gown so they could help her wash.  They each had a sponge, one stood in front of her and one in back of her  Regina told them she could wash herself, but the blonde insisted that this was their way of serving the Lord. I bet you do, Regina thought as they simultaneously washed her private parts.  They helped her back into her white gown and then both women sat on her bed as she ate her dinner.  When she was done, they motioned her to lie on the bed.  One at a time, they both leaned over, kissed her on the lips and said goodnight.  Darkness again.

For the next two days, the routine remained the same and the same two women who said very little to her, brought her meals and bathed her each night oddly paying very close attention to her private areas.  Regina wasn’t sure how this made her feel,  Was God trying to reveal something to her?  Was He trying to tell her He would love her even if she were gay?  Her mind was having all sorts of weird thoughts at this point.  By day four, she started doubting things about the commune.  Did she belong here?  What could she bring to the table that would be helpful?  Did Pastor Rick have feelings for her?  Was she going crazy?  So many things rushing through her thoughts.

Day five in the dark brought a surprise of sorts.  Pastor Rick came to visit!  He tapped lightly on the door and when she made her way over in the dark, she turned the handle and opened it. He stood in front of her in his own white robe, a candle in a glass jar in his hand.  She stood back, a natural invitation into her room, and he walked past her to the bed.  He sat down, and with his hand he tapped on the bed, inviting her to sit next to him.  For an hour he talked to her about her art and where she came from.  He told her that she was beautiful and asked her what God had revealed to her so far.  After their discussion, he pulled back the covers on her bed and motioned her to lay down.  After pulling the covers up over her body, he leaned over and kissed her on the lips, afterwhich whispering he would come back soon.  Regina thought this was his way of indicating that he found her intriguing. She dreamed that night that she was the matriarch of the commune.

By the sixth night, Regina was so ready to see the sun.  All week she kept telling herself she could do this. She had made it to the last night and tomorrow she would see the sunshine.  She could not wait to see how the commune people greeted her.  She was sure they would cheer for her.  After she had eaten her dinner and received her bath, Regina was lying on her bed trying to keep her composure. A slight tap on the door pulled her from her thoughts.  She made her way in the dark and turned the knob. When the door opened it was Pastor Rick with a candle in a glass asking for permission to come into her room. He is so amazing, she thought as he made his way to her bed.  As she closed the door, she felt resistance.  Two other men, ones she had seen building the new house on the property pushed their way past her,  Reginas’ heart was pounding in her chest as she looked toward Pastor Rick.  He calmly explained that it was her duty, according to God to please them, and she should choose to cooperate.  It would be so pleasurable.  Regina knew at that moment she had made a mistake, but she also knew she should cooperate because there was no way out.  For the next hour, she endured, and when they were finished with her, they all leaned over and kissed her on the lips.  Regina then made a plan and was looking forward to the morning.  She went to sleep feeling sore and beat up.  The next morning two women came with her breakfast and her bath.  She noticed they were extra gentle with her private areas when cleaning her.

She wondered if they knew what happened to her.  Did something like this ever happen to them?  No way,, Regina thought, surely they wouldn’t stick around.

The moment of truth was upon her,  It was the seventh day.  She knew what she had to do.  She knew what God was telling her because he told her in her dream.  Two women came to get her, and Pastor Rick met her at the top of the stairs.  He smiled at her as she stood before him and he watched as the sisters disrobed her again. He smiled as he took her hand and she walked naked beside him out of the back door of the house. She stepped into the sunshine, raiding her hand to her brow to keep the light from her squinting eyes.  She noticed the twn’t need =o men from the night before standing at the bottom of the steps, She refused to let them get to her.  She walked by herself down the steps into the sunlight,  She got past everyone standing around the stairs staring at her.  At the end of the line, she began to run, and as she ran she saw her God, guiding her away from the commune. . She didn’t care if she was naked,  She just ran into the sun, knowing that her God would take care of her.  She ran knowing that Pastor Rick was right when he said all of the answers come from God in the light.