The Waiting Game

Sunday 1:13 pm

Check for spelling errors. 

Looks good. Deep breath...cross fingers....here goes nothing.

Hit blue arrow.

Sent.

1:13 pm (exactly 3 seconds later)

Stare at screen in horror.

This is bad.

Why would I say that?

Why would I say it over text?

This is a disaster!

1:14 pm

3 blue dots bubble up.

Hope bubbles up.

My stomach bubbles up.

I hold my breath.

The dots disappear.

1:15 pm

They’re back. They’re bouncing.  

So are my knees.

Something is happening.

He’s replying!

1:16 pm

Nope. Gone again.

Is it so hard to just reply?

To say anything…

Who leaves a person hanging for 2 whole minutes?

1:17 pm

Maybe he’s searching for the right words.

Maybe he’s spell-checking so I don’t judge his misuse of your/you’re.

He’s probably looking for just the right thing to say.  

Something that will convey the perfect mix of interested, sexy and cool. 

1:18 pm

Oh shit! Maybe he screenshot my text and sent it to his friends and now they’re laughing at me, discussing what a loser I am and whether he should even respond!  

1:19 pm

I screenshot our text thread and send it to my 5 best friends with the following questions:

Was this too much?

Am I too much?

Am I weird?

Do you think he thinks I’m weird?

Why hasn’t he replied?

1:25 pm

The jury is in.  

They all said no, I’m not weird. And I’m not too much. I’m the perfect amount of much.

Everyone agreed. My text was fine. It was totally appropriate.

He’s weird for taking so long to reply.

Well... everyone agreed - except Jess.  

She thinks I’m being slightly dramatic and acting “desperate”.  

She thinks I should quote “shed my obsession with thinking every guy is the one”.

But she’s kind-of a bitch soooooo…. Honestly I don’t even know why I’m friends with her anyway.

1:28 pm

Fuck. Maybe Jess is right! 

Oh my god! Maybe that text was kinda desperate.

I should’ve let him text me first.

I should've played it cool.

Why am I like this???

I should change my name. And my number.

Is there some sort of witness protection program for embarrassed texters?

I need to look into that. 

1:39 pm

There isn’t one. I googled it. But there should be.

I also googled…

What to text the day after a date

How do you know if he likes you

What to do while waiting for a text-back

Virgo Aquarius Love Compatibility

How do you know if he’s lying dead in a ditch somewhere or if he’s just not that into you

1:40 pm

I decide to distract myself - every google article strongly recommended I do that.

So I check Instagram.

5 new likes on the artfully staged picture of my morning latte. 

Somehow, I casually without even trying to, come across his profile.

I casually without looking for clues as to what kind of person he is, look at his last 73 posts.

I casually cross check the profiles of every woman he has ever taken a photograph with.

I now know:

The members of his immediate family - 1 sister, 2 brothers, parents divorced.

His favorite bar - The Thirsty Llama.

The names of his best friends - Michael, Chris and Eddie.

That he also likes french bulldogs, 

And Guinness beer,

And traveling...

And women with freckles and quirky smiles and pouty lips

1:53 pm

I notice the pulsating red ring around his profile pic.

So he has time to post Insta-stories but he can’t text me back?

I can’t stop myself.

I tap the circle.

Yep...it’s confirmed.  

He’s not lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

He’s not alone in a hospital bed suffering from amnesia.

He’s out living his life. Not replying to my text.

I remember too late that he can see who views his Insta-stories.

Sooooo...now he probably knows I checked his Instagram.  

Great...Stalker much?

1:55 pm 

You know what? 

I don’t care! 

I hope he knows I saw his Insta-story. 

I hope he knows that now I know what kind of person he really is!  

Maybe I should make an Insta-story just in case he checks mine.

I start looking up sassy memes, and inspirational quotes, and pictures where my lips look pouty but not in an obvious duck way. 

2:08 pm

Jess calls me.

She saw my Insta-story.

She’s worried that I’m spiraling.

She suggests I read “You are a Badass” and “Why Men Love Bitches” and “Unfu*ck Yourself”.

She suggests I make an appointment with her therapist to work through “my issues”.

I suggest she talk to her therapist about why she’s so drawn to reading material with curses in the title.

I wonder aloud why she’s so obsessed with me.

I hear her sigh.

I assure her that I’m fine as I open a bottle of wine and settle into the couch.

5:29 pm

I wake up.  

My head feels fuzzy.

My mouth feels fuzzy.

I blink a few times.

The credits of some lifetime movie are rolling.

I pick up my phone to check the time.

There’s a text.

From him.

5:30 pm

I’m still staring.

THERE’S A TEXT FROM HIM!

From two and a half hours ago.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS AGO!!!!

I missed it.

Stupid Lifetime movie.  

Stupid wine.

Stupid Jess.

Stupid me.

He is probably wondering why I haven’t texted back yet.

He is probably on his couch right now… drinking a Guinness

And worrying about me.

Or obsessively worrying about the text he sent and anxiously waiting for my reply.

How the tables have turned!

I’m not sure whether that makes me a little happy

...Or fills me with dread.

5:31 pm

I wipe the corner of my mouth.

My fingers tremble.

My heart is beating.

I’m scared to open it.

This is the moment I’ve been waiting for all day. 

This is the moment of truth.

This is OUR moment of truth.

I take a deep breath.

I tap the messages icon...

5:32 pm

“K”

"K"?!?!... He texted “K”?!?!

Oh What the Fuck?!?!