Nest

Tiny freckles in the air started descending from the grey silent skies. The angry cold wind harrowing whole night long had turned into a tender breeze and with it came down the flakes gently; floating whirling and waving before settling on the barren earth that lay still in the gripping cold since last few weeks. The first flake commenced its last and long journey from the skies to reach the dark globe it had been seeing for long from heaven. It set out with a free fall hoping for a better destiny, unknown to it. All it could see was a blue ball at far distance long path away, unknown to it. Unknown was also its fate, but it never wondered. Wandering for a long time, uncontrolled and unrestricted, it flew and felt gleeful on how light and beautiful this journey was. But, then it came closer and within a blink of time it landed on a glass surface, warm from the inside and instantly melting it. The droplet heavily trickled and went into the unknown.

Inside the warm cabin, she was restless on the small bed lying on her left side, with her back towards him and the window which was destroying and melting the snowflakes ruthlessly. She was wrapped up inside the blankets and was trying to keep herself warm by coiling her body together. All night long she was unable to sleep, nor change her side which would lead to facing him. She feared it would eventually mean starting a dialogue that would not remain casual. She thought of giving up the bed, stopping her drama of being asleep and sitting in the chair near the fireplace surfing random books kept on the shelf. Those printed words would at least keep the vocal words echoing in her head at bay. She kept gazing at the tiny sparks alighting from the fireplace and going up the chimney, before all the wood burnt up and slowly extinguished. Just before the dawn struck, the fire was dead and her eyelids shut down tight, out of exhaustion of overthinking.

He faced the window lying on his right side and his eyelids cracked up to see the skies turning light. Gazing at the dark motionless coniferous trees outside, his eyes found nothing attentive to keep his mind engrossed and he fell asleep instantly, exhausted of the day-long drive they had taken. When he slept, he knew she was wide awake. But now her breathing had slowed and he woke up, sat erect on the bed to see how the forest had turned pepper-salt.

They both were in a complex of cabins which Dr. Mukherjee had recommended as he had found them quite useful for such therapies. The gated colony was maintained well by the keepers and every cabin was strategically located in a manner that they would not be easily visible. One felt sheer loneliness in this place and the snowfall had made the whole surrounding settle in an eerie silence.

They were both here to talk and sort out their problems in an amicable manner. Devoid of all modern day distractions of phones and internet, it helped people communicate better in a personal manner. Initially, they both laughed at the idea but eventually got convinced as they both dearly wanted their marriage to work out well. The outage of electricity was a big surprise they had never thought of. One of the keeper-boys drove his bicycle to inform all cabins of a transformer failure in the town downhill which had resulted in the outage.

An hour later, he had finished all his morning routines and made tea over the stove in the kitchen area, where the clinging of various utensils woke her up. Sitting by the fire they both had tea; she dipped the biscuits in it whereas he ate them dry. Again they assembled an hour later to have breakfast which they had ordered from the restaurant. But none of them dared to discuss the elephant in the room.

“How long is this running away from the problems going to continue”, she eventually questioned him after they had finished the lunch.

The snow was continuously pouring and he had taken it as his job to keep the fireplace flaming all the time keeping the small cabin warm. The electric heaters were down and they were not prepared fully for this failure. He fed another dry log to the fire, “Till the problems don’t run away.”

His smirk face received a stern look from her, “That’s not what we are sent here for.”

“So why don’t you start by listing all the wrong steps you took to bring this relationship in a mess,” he muttered clenching his teeth but in a fairly audible manner, breaking another twig and throwing it in the fire.

“Ok”, she said strongly, "I was wrong in allowing you to be free and should have been there for you when you started falling for alcohol."

He furiously asked, "So you mean to say that you should have controlled me in a better manner?" 

She kept nodding, "we are not gonna go anywhere if you are going to be argumentative over silly things. You very well know what I mean."

He calmed down and she continued further, "I understand from Dr. Mukherjee that you mentioned that you were feeling alone, despite that I was just there every time.”

"Yes, you were there, but just physically. Mentally you were always with Amol." He was very open in criticizing the relationship that had developed in between her and Amol.

She closed her eyes, "I know and I have already accepted it all. I am putting him in past now and can you do the same too?"

"And is that so easy?" He continued, "why don't you put my alcoholism in past too?"

She got enraged at the sharp tone he was using, "And how do I put our dead baby in the past?" Her eyes were moistening. 

"Our? Are you sure? I am not." He was very curt and she had faced this very sword many a times. She knew her eyes would start shedding tears and she didn't want to cry away and close the verbal storm that was ensuing. 

"I can only tell you this one more time that I and Amol were never physical. We were just very good friends." He smirked and she raised her voice making her tempo slow, "I do accept that had our relationship deteriorated further, Amol and I would maybe have advanced... But that’s anyone’s guess and the fact is that we did not cross that line ever."

Her eyes were full now and he could see the reflection of the fireplace dangle in the drops her big dark eyes were holding. He loved her eyes and had fallen for them in college, when he first saw her on the Scooty that rammed in a nearby cycle. Her face, fully covered with the silk scarf that had tiny floral print, allowed to show only her wonderful eyes. As bystander, he helped her get up and then he was surprised to see her again in his classroom. They were friends for the next years while they studied college and then eventually love blossomed. But then he got the taste of alcohol. Drinking it once casually with friends, he never understood when the threshold was crossed and he got addicted to it. He remembers the day vividly when he woke up on a street one day, when a cab driver had mugged him and left him in middle of nowhere.

It was post noon now, and she felt that fresh air would help her stabilize and clean up her clouded mind. Seeing that snowfall had now stopped, she donned warm clothes and stepped out heading towards west following the road which she guessed would lead to more woods and tranquility. She wandered for a while and reached the end of the road which opened into a valley. She sat on the large rocks placed there and wept. She recalled the day she informed her parents about how she was in love with this college boy. She was afraid they would shun the proposal. But they agreed to the marriage on the condition that they both make something good of their lives first and then start on their new journey. She felt blessed starting a new life with her love. Initial years were full of merriment and fled away leaving sweet memories. Or so she thought. But today, sitting and reminiscing she could not recollect many of those. She could recollect how she met Amol and became good friends eventually sharing a very different bond. She would weep on his shoulders and he would console her on so many occasions when she poured her heart in front of him. She thanked him for keeping her sane and wondered what would have happened had he not been such caring. Would she also be a drunkard like her husband?

Her mind took her to the gloomy past again where her husband would return late nights and fall in the bed stinking of the alcohol all through. Until one night when he never returned and panicking she called all his friends to figure out where he had vanished. Around noon when he came home, bruised and muddy, she thought this would be an eye opener for him. But she was wrong and her struggle continued to bring the day when the last straw fell. As usual, they got into an abusive fight and in rage he broke the whiskey bottle. She slipped over it leading to a fall from the staircase resulting in a miscarriage. Being optimistic, she felt thankful that she was unaware of the pregnancy and had not developed any bond with the unborn. To her surprise, the event had commenced to change his life where he decided and worked hard to quit alcohol.

He too stepped out now and headed to the east, hoping that the restaurant at the main gate would entertain him a bit. There he ordered a heavy meal, a habit he had developed since he started quitting alcohol. Once he had it fully, his mind came back to normal. He paid the bill but crashed into a waitress carrying beers which spilled on his clothes. After the drama of apologies he stepped out to reach back to his cabin. But the smell of the beer was carving out and reaching to his head which had started spinning by now. He was sober for last 3 months with help of his AA group, focusing his mind in other activities and some medicines if need be.

When he reached to the cabin, she was awaiting g outside walking to and fro and he realized that there was only one set of keys which he had with himself.

"I am sorry... I thought I will be back before you." He apologized as the snow had just started descending again on them both. They went in and she smelled the sudden whiff of beer from him and got furious.

"And you are back to drinking again?"

"Oh no... Don't misunderstand, it's just that this waitress spilled over the beer on me," he said showing her how wet and smelly his shirt was.

"And am i supposed to believe in every lie you tell?"

He too got furious and simply slammed the bathroom door and went in for a shower which was cold. The electricity was not yet working and the room had become cold as the fire had doused off. She tried setting it up but could manage to add just smaller twigs. She let go of the efforts as soon as he came back.

"I am sorry..." she said, “All we need to do is be available for each other and talk out openly.”

“Yes, that’s right” he was ashamed a bit and moved close to her, trying to hold her hands. He looked in her eyes again, the same eyes he had fallen for. They were very much the same, except for the tiredness he could now see. She smiled a bit and held his hands. He could now see hope in her eyes and a happy future for both. They both embraced each other in a tight hug.

An hour later, they had packed all their stuff in bags and were set out to leave the cabin. She kept her head on his shoulder and held him tightly. They both stood outside on the snow covered paved road and glanced at the wooden cabin, a small nest like place that had been a turning point in their lives.

“I never thought a day in a lonely cabin is all that we needed.”

They both smiled and kissed as the tiny snowflakes poured on them.