Love Jeremy

Should I tell him? It will change everything. I don't want to lose him.

Jeremy laid on his pondering which path to take; if he choose to it could mean happiness for him but if not, an endless sorrow. They had been best friends since preschool but recently Jeremy found himself wanting more. Was it wrong to want more? Some might say he's selfish but his feelings were running wide. There was no faking it anymore. He kept replaying moments in his head, deciding whether his feelings were reciprocated. It was a jumbled mess, one his over-analytic mind couldn't solve. What am I to do?

YouTube wasn’t much help so he turned to the only person he could ask for help.

“ Candace, I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him?” Jeremy went on.

“I think it’s best if do,” Candace reasoned on the other side of the phone, “if you don’t, you’ll live with the regret of not doing it. And what’s the worst that can happen?”

She didn’t know, I would lose my best friend. Nick and Jeremy were as close as brothers. He always had Jeremy’s back, especially when bullies targeted him. It was always Nick.

“Thanks Candz, I will,” he finally said.

“You better, now get off my phone. My man is calling.”

“Okay, hoe,” he laughed. Candace was the only person he trusted elsewise from Nick.

He inhaled. He exhaled. This was it. He listened to his favourite to build up the confidence needed. This was it. There was no going back. Jeremy thought it was best to do it face to face. He didn’t want to do this over the phone as this was personal. He took his mother’s keys and into her jeep he went. This was it. He let the window to allow the wind to dance in his face. It was the best feeling ever. It was euphoric, the perfect feeling for the perfect day. This was it.

The drive was a distance, almost out of town. Nick’s parents were wealthy, minding in the business of film and entertainment. He was friends with everyone, literally everyone. He was the person you like to be around, guess that’s why he gets all the advances. He turned them down surprisingly. He was athletically attractive as he played varsity football.

I was out the jeep, faster than a lightning as it approached the entrance. I, being over ever so often secured that I was let in by security without a query. This is it.

He was my light and I was going to let him know. The emotions started to consume Jeremy, he was on cloud nine and nothing could bring him down. He sprint jogged to the door, only to find it open. That’s strange. Something felt different; oddly out of place. Jeremy couldn’t put his hands on it but he felt he should turn and run but he didn’t. He continued in. He called for Nick since he knew his parents were out of town. There was no response. He continued to the living area, empty. It wasn’t that strange since Nick spent most of his time locked in his room but something was strangely off. The house was deafened by silence. Slowly Jeremy made his way up. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, they mainly took the pessimistic approach. What if he was hurt? What if I’m too late?

Those thoughts escaped as soon as I saw what was up. His room door was half open, which was not much of a surprise. It was the sounds of pleasure that shook him and all his suspicions, thoughts and feelings came crashing down when he saw it. It was a sight he thought he would never see. It was grotesque. It was profoundly disgusting. Jeremy came eye to eye with Nick on top of Naomi Britton. She had an infamous reputation of being the school’s tramp. This is not real. I’m dreaming. It can’t be real. No, it can’t be real.

“Jer, hey, what are you doing here?” Nick hurried off the hussy as if caught in the most heinous act, well he was.

“No-no-no-nothing,” he began to stutter, he was frozen, his feet has gave up on him.

Nick dragged on his boxers, Jeremy didn’t even realize until he was being pulled out the room. He was lost, lost in uncertainty. He was uncertain of what he saw. It couldn’t be.

“ Don’t tell anyone. Please! I really like her. Jer, are you hearing?”

“S-s-sure,” he couldn’t form words.

“Thanks bro,” Nick patted him on the shoulder.

Jeremy wanted to die in that moment. He wanted to dig a grave and bury himself. He wanted to disappear, never to appear again. Life had no meaning to him, in this moment. Tears began to form in his eyes and he didn’t want Nick to see him cry. It would be weird, friends congratulate friends when the score the shot but if he knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Jeremy needed him, yearned for him but deep down he knew he would never have him, not in the way he wanted and that made him sad. The sorrow swept in once memories came crashing in of Nick’s subtle interest in Naomi in the past. It was never Jeremy and now he knew. There was no reason for living. His impetuous self led him to bolt for the door. Nick was slow on the reflex and just let him leave, unsure on what was the problem.

Jeremy jumped in the jeep and sped off. He sped down the highway, way over the speeding limit. Crazy In Love came on the radio causing the tears to stream down his face faster. Nick will never love me. That one thought took his mind out of this reality. There was no telling what happened next. He could blame the tracks for being wet or his lack of focus but neither mattered.

It all ended with his car meeting hood to trunk and branch running through the ceiling.