Rose's Merry Baby

“Yay! It’s all fun and games when we dance in front of the window!” Rose exclaimed as she leaped joyfully in front of the living room window. Twirling and hopping, she was in her own alternate universe. Her long hair was flying wildly everywhere, until she happened to glance outside. She quickly stopped and stood still, staring intently at what looked to her like a baby carrier. “Hey mom, I think I see a baby at the end of the driveway. There’s a baby basket!”

Rose’s mother, sitting at the kitchen table reading, didn’t move. She kept her head down and repeated what all parents say at least ten times a day. “Please don’t yell in the house.”

Rose’s older brother, Brad, who seemed to be fully concentrating on a video game, joined the conversation. “Maybe it’s your fish that died last week, and it’s come back to haunt you.”

“Seriously, there’s something out there, and I think it’s a baby,” Rose said. Then she paused for a moment and spoke directly to her brother. “And Brad, stop trying to gaslight me about ghosts. You’re so infuriating!”

Rose’s mother begrudgingly looked up from her book. “Rose, I told you not to yell.” She then noticed Rose holding the window curtains. “And stop pulling at the curtains. I’m tired of always having to straighten them out. Why don’t you go play in the backyard so the neighbors don’t think there’s a crazy nine-year-old running around in our house.” She turned and faced Brad. “And you … stop ghostlighting your sister.”

“It’s gaslighting mom,” Brad said, still concentrating on his video game. “And sorry to break it to you, but the neighbors already know there’s a crazy nine-year-old running around in our house.” He paused, then said, “It’s probably a raccoon digging in a trash can.”

“There’s no trash can!” Rose burst out.

“Please don’t yell in the house,” Rose’s mother repeated.

“Ok, there’s no trash can,” Rose whispered.

“Well, it’s probably the newspaper,” Rose’s mother whispered back.

Rose continued to whisper, “No, the paper is under the mailbox, and the baby basket is much bigger.” Then, in her normal voice, which was always louder than anyone else’s, she excitedly said, “If it’s a baby, can we keep her? I promise I’ll do everything. I’ll feed her, wash her, everything.”

Brad, still playing his video game, chimed in, “Ha! You take care of a baby? That’d be one messed-up little kid. You can’t even take care of a goldfish.”

“Shut up Brad, the adults are talking,” Rose responded.

“Rose, please don’t tell people to shut up, it’s very rude,” scolded her mother.

“Well, it’s because of my family Goldie’s dead,” Rose retorted and crossed her arms. Then, addressing both Brad and her mother, she said, “I go away to space camp and come home, and he’s dead. All you had to do was feed him twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. I put a big note on my bedroom door to feed Goldie, with a chart and a pen to write down who fed him and when. You would see it every time you walked past my door. And the food was right next to his fish bowl.”

Brad, again not looking up from his game, said, “Well, you weren’t specific enough.”

“Not specific enough? How more specific could I be? Mom?” Rose pleaded. No one responded. “Why are you all being so obtuse? You’re all exasperating!”

Rose’s mother looked down at the floor and meekly said, “Well, you could have been more specific dear,” hoping to get Rose to drop the subject.

Rose’s mouth opened, but she remained silent. There was an awkward pause, and Rose’s mother shifted her gaze up to the ceiling.

Then Brad spoke again. “You have to tell her mom. I know we were all supposed to blame the plumber, but she’s too smart. She’ll know we’re lying.”

Rose’s mother switched her view of the ceiling to looking straight at Rose. “Ok, Rose … The first night you were gone, somehow the jar of fish food fell into the bowl. The next morning, we found Goldie dead. We think he ate all the food and died. I’m so sorry dear, it was a tragic accident. We all know how much you loved your fish. The first night you were gone, together, Brad, your father, and I went in to feed him, and he was just fine. We don’t know how the food fell into the bowl.”

Then Brad lightheartedly said, “I think Dad did it because he’s not here to defend himself.”

“Shut up Brad, the adults are talking,” Rose’s mother said. “And don’t gaslight your father.”

“That’s not what gaslighting means,” said Brad. “And telling someone to shut up is very rude,” he said, quoting his mother.

Rose started to speak loudly again. “I can’t believe you all killed Goldie. You made me think it was my fault! How have I survived this long in our family? It’s a wonder I’m still alive.” Then she began to think some more. “And what else haven’t you told me?”

Brad and his mother then looked at each other silently. No one spoke as Rose waited for an answer. Her mother finally responded, “There’s nothing we haven’t told you, honey. We were just worried that you’d be too upset and get too emotional. We wanted to spare your feelings.” She hoped Rose understood they really were trying to keep the bad news from hurting her.

Rose thought about it for a moment and became calmer. “Well, thank you for finally telling me. I guess it was an accident, so I forgive you.”

Then Brad ineptly tried to offer some comfort. “Goldie was a good fish, but old. Two weeks old is pretty old for a goldfish.” He paused and added another thought. “Plus, he was only 50 cents. So it’s not that big of a deal.”

Rose’s eyes widened, and her face went flush. “Not that big of a deal?” Her voice started to rise again. “He was my friend, like a baby brother! And is that how much a life is worth? Is it only 50 cents? Would you put a price on me of 50 cents? It’s all fun and games until someone dies! You’re all horrible, abominable, despicable, loathsome, murderous sinful ingrates!”

Again, the room went silent. Then Brad said, “Mom, she’s speaking like a dinosaur again.”

“I’m not a dinosaur, you nincompoop,” said Rose. “You’re thinking there’s a dinosaur called ‘the saurus’, which is not a dinosaur but a book, and it’s called a ‘thesaurus’, which is obviously something you have never used.”

All of Rose’s melodrama was now grating on her mother’s nerves. She uncharacteristically raised her voice and started ranting about the first thing that popped into her mind. “What on earth are they teaching you kids in school? How do you insult people in a hundred words or more? You should be taught 100 words for kindness. Why aren’t schools teaching things that matter? That’s what’s wrong with our educational system. I’m going to talk to your principal as soon as possible!”

Now Rose and Brad sat silently. Rose then looked at her mother and asked, “Are you being rhetorical?”

“Geeze!” her mother cried out in frustration. She then took a moment and wisely collected her thoughts. Knowing the best way to calm herself down was to change the subject. “Ok Rose,” she said, noting that lately a lot of her conversations seemed to start with ‘Ok Rose’, “weren’t you saying something earlier about seeing a baby?”

Rose’s eyes lit up. “Yes, I forgot there’s a baby at the end of our driveway.” Then she turned and ran to the front door, yelling, “Hurry, there’s no time to waste!”

Knowing there was some sort of adventure brewing, Brad stood up from playing his video game and quickly walked towards the front door, calling out, “Dibs on the baby!”

Rose, not turning around, got to the front door, and before opening it, called back to her brother, “You can’t call dibs on a baby. Anyway, its finders keepers, and I found her.”

Then Brad quietly said to no one in particular, “How do you know it’s a her?”

Rolling her eyes, their mother followed the pair out the door and down the driveway. Rose raced to the baby carrier and saw that it was filled with a soft pink blanket. She knelt down and carefully pulled back the blanket, revealing a tiny little face looking up at her, smiling. It was a baby girl with a big pink bow tied in her hair. Rose, as if she had just found a long lost treasure, stood tall and pointed down to the baby, proclaiming, “It’s a baby. See, I told you!” Brad and his mother got to the baby, then looked at each other clueless as to what was going on and what should be done next. They could see the baby was happy and seemed to be having the time of its life. Rose, sensing it was up to her to take charge, started giving orders. “We must contact the police and see if anyone has lost a baby. Then talk to someone about adopting her. We’ll have to name her because we can’t just call her baby. And we’ll need to get some baby food and diapers. She can sleep in my bed for now until we get a crib.” Rose stopped her commands and turned to her mother. “We can adopt her can’t we mom? Look, she’s so beautiful. What should we name her?”

But before Rose’s mother could say anything, a police car swiftly pulled up to the curb with its lights flashing. A rear door flew open, and a young woman jumped out and ran to the baby carrier. “Oh my god, is she okay? You’ve found her, oh thank you, thank you!” She picked up the little girl, and tears started streaming down her cheeks. “Oh, thank you, thank you,” she cried. The little girl made a burbling sound, then started grinning and giggling.

Two policemen quickly walked up and could see the bewilderment on everyone’s faces. “Is she okay or hurt in any way?” the shorter one asked, pointing to the baby.

Rose’s mother looked at the baby but wasn’t quite sure how to answer. Should she say, “Yes, she’s okay, then no, she’s not hurt?” She almost asked the policemen why they were being so obtuse but thought the better. Then she started to wonder if the whole family was being gaslighted, but she still wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. “She seems to be perfectly fine and enjoying all the attention,” she finally said. Shifting her view now to the policemen, she asked, “What happened? Is there anything we can do?”

The taller of the two policemen motioned to the woman holding her little girl. “She was carjacked with the baby left in the back seat.” He paused for a moment, then looked at the baby. “We caught the suspect, and he informed us that when he realized there was a baby in the car, it could possibly get hurt, so he’d better leave the child somewhere safe. He just happened to drive by your house and saw, I assume, your daughter dancing in the front window. He thought this would be the most secure place to leave her. We’re all lucky he saw your daughter. Things could have been much worse if he hadn’t.”

Rose, Brad, and their mother stood motionless in front of the policemen and the woman holding her child. They all seemed to be at a loss for words. Then Rose started to smile and look sheepishly at everyone. “It’s all fun and games until …” but for the first time in her life, she couldn’t think of what to say next.