Star gazers

“I remember the first time I looked up at the stars Adam. Not from a city but from the middle of the woods. The field.”He sputters in bed I place a hand in my grandfather’s frail hand and feel tears come to my eyes. I force myself to keep it in,

I want him to stop speaking but this may be his last words. He has been so sick and I know he already hates the fact he thinks he will die in a fluorescent-lit room instead of outside. I will not deny his final words. Any words could be his last I think morbidly to myself.

“They were enchanting. There is no greater magic then the heavens.” His eyes get a gleam and day dream-like look to them. He is happy for a moment.

“ My whole life was around that one day. I devoted everything I have to find out all I could about them. I feel as though I am leaving my mission uncomplete I hoped to touch the heavens and the stars themselves.” He sputters again and I hand him a glass of water. Which he declines and looks at me pleadingly for me to stop pitying him. I can not stop it though when he is normally so lively now he is so frail and fragile. Like at any moment he will turn to dust before me.

“I remember the same look on your father’s face when I took him as a boy to the same place his lovely wife who did the same and then you.” He reached out to touch me and I came closer so we would not strain. It took all he had to make even the most simple movements.

“My dear Grand-son who followed in my footsteps. I hope you touch the stars one day as I had hoped to.” His eyes were no longer dream like and they became sad.

“I will touch the stars even if they are just gas and when I touch them you will be with me.”

“That’s a load of crap, this conversation was gushy enough without the unreal crap. I will be six feet underground in a coffin being eaten by maggots.”

He smiled again just like I knew he would. I wanted to barf the minute I said those words but it worked. Our dark humor another thing we shared. The smile faded I thought it would last longer. He looked blankly at the wall and my gaze followed his blue eyes which looked bluer than normal compared to his paler than normal skin.

“There is not even a window for me to see them, Adam.” 

His eyes began to tear up. He truly had devoted his whole life to the stars. A pair of astronomers he used to joke whenever I told him as a kid what I was doing with my life. He called himself astronomer Sr and I astronomer Jr It was one of the best moments of my life when he hugged me after I received my degree. It was one of the proudest moments of his life as well. I sat up. I received a very confused look from him.

“Can you walk astronomer Sr?”

“Enough to get to the bathroom. What are you planning?”

“To make you walk to an elevator then a car than a field in the middle of nowhere.”

His eyes light up and he got a huge smile on his face. He started to sit upright immediately. He grunted in doing so.

“Do you realize how much trouble you’re going to be in when you get back?”

“You have been discharged with an AMA.”

“Very nice I thought it would take longer. Those doctors do not like AMA's”

I threw a pair of his clothes at him and he followed my orders. Once he was dressed I walked him towards the elevator we got a worried glance from the doctor who had begged my grandfather to stay here. We ignored him and I got my grandfather to the car which once he was in gave a sputtering fit. That gave me second thoughts on whether this was a wise decision but there was no going back now.

I drove an hour down the road from the city passing the university my grandfather had spent years teaching at. He had touched and inspired so many lives. Including my own. A sign had been put out for him. My mother had told them he would see it. It brought a small smile to his face. We drove by the old house that was recently sold and saw him stare at it. So many good memories there with his wife who had passed the year before. He had told me when he first found out that his condition was terminal he could not wait to see her. Strange when you think most people would be terrified yet he calmly walked to the grave. I started to tear up again but refused to let him see me cry about him. It is not what he would want to see right now.

We finally reached our destination and I offered to give him a ride on my back which at first he declined by when he realized he truly could not walk in the forest took it gladly. I did not like how light it felt to carry him. The field was circled by woods and was a place our family had visited alone for generations. Finally, we reached it and my mother and father had everything prepared. A candlelit picnic under the stars with the whole family. I put my grandfather down right in front of the basket and I could smell my mother’s french onion soup. A favorite of my grandfather's since my father first brought her home. His eyes looked at all of us and the food a tear slid down his cheek. It was one of the only times I had ever seen my grandfather cry.

“You are all the best family I could have hoped for.” 

"You made it gushy," I said jokingly

He ate hungrily he had not at all liked the food at the hospital. We talked about my grandmother and all the classic family stories. Like when my father first brought home my mom and she snorted water from her nose. Or when I was a kid and fell down a hole because I got scared of a rabbit. I turned a very deep red as we remembered that story.

When the stars finally came out all conversation stopped and we all just looked up each thinking our own thoughts. Laying on the cool grass. The only thing that broke our thoughts was my grandfathers sputtering and labored breathing. I heard my mother starting to cry softly. Trying to conceal it.

The stars so clear and beautiful nothing like in the city. They lit up the sky when no one was around. It was like a secret show only a few could ever see in this period. They were better than the gems of the earth and the sea glass of the beach. Nothing could compare to the milky way. When I looked at my grandfather his eyes reflected the heavens in his eyes. Then I thought to myself two things were better than the gems of the earth and sea glass of the beach.