A Dance of Fate

"What are you doing?" There was a moment of shock, of panic. I felt the spike in my heart, but all of my focus was on the crowd. The hundreds of eyes all moving my way. All suddenly honing in their attention on us.

"You know what I am doing." His hands were around my waist, locking in with a slight dip in his fingers. His pull forcing me to move with him, each step at a time. One by one slowly moving us towards the dance floor, now rid of any other couple. It sat there empty, waiting for a simple pair to come and take up its vast space. And that's exactly what he was doing, he was leading me without a breath to think or say no. Not a second to really think about the people around me, the judgements that would follow when they saw it was me in his grasp and no one else. 

“We cannot do this here- in front of all of these people.” I wanted my voice to be strong, to hold a sense of power but it didn’t. It was quiet, weak, a whisper at best. And his eyes didn’t soften, didn’t shift in the slightest at the tone. At the small shake in my hands as he lifted them around his neck. Tracing his own light touch down them, leaving a tingling, sparking trail of tiny bumps. 

“We can, and we will.” He nodded his head once, that soft, calm, deep rasp left no room to argue. Not that there was any time to. He had us in the middle of the floor, in the center of the ballroom, in the center of everyone's gazes. Some admiring us, some leveling a look that could cut me down right here right now.

It didn’t matter how much makeup I painted on, or how many curls I put in my hair, it didn’t matter the silk and lace that fell from my dress, it didn’t matter that I looked like them, dressed like them, I wasn’t one of them. I knew, he knew it, and they knew it. Who was I kidding when I came here? 

“You are not going to change my mind, I am doing this.” I felt that pain of my words sitting on my chest, felt the weight of them. And by the small flinch in his dark eyes, he felt it too. But in a breath, that look was gone. And it was the hard, stern, consuming gaze left bearing down on me. 

“You can’t.” He simply shook his head, and then the first instrument string was played. The sound carried through the room as softly as the very air we were breathing. And it put a thud in my heart as he pushed my back slightly, taking a step backwards. With those hands locked around my waist tightly, I had no choice but to follow in his lead. Follow with the melody that came with the song. “You can’ leave.” His eyes moved, flickering back and forth between mine, as if searching them for something. For a moment, I held my breath, staring up at him. At the quiet desperation in his eyes. In his words. 

“I have to. For your sake and mine, I have to.” I felt my voice fading, it growing quieter with each word. They felt like knives trying to come out of my throat, cutting and digging in. But I forced them out. No matter how much it pained me to see the look on his face. Those pale lips twitching just barely down. Threatening a frown. But he refused to show it. 

“You don’t have to- what you are doing is running away- trying to escape and you can’t. You won’t escape your troubles just by leaving this place, they will follow, haunt you no matter where you run to.” I blinked up at him, it took all inside of me to keep my footing, to keep up with the rhythm of the dance but his tone, it dropped. It went sharp, sharp enough to cut through me. My lips parted, but I had no words to say. So he went on. “You don’t have to run, I am right here- I am by your side no matter what happens. But if you leave, if you run… I can’t protect you.” His brows dipped, and for the first time since I’ve met him, he let his pain show on his face. In those deep brown eyes. It was at the surface, open for me to see. With all of the hurt and heartache I’ve suffered until now, that hurt me the most. 

“I’m doing this for you, I’m doing this to protect you-” I shook my head, shoving all of the panic down, all of the suffocating anxieties in my chest back down as much as I could. Not letting him see them. 

“Do you love him?” He swallowed the anger, all of that pain vanishing from his face. Leaving the empty void staring back at me. My heart cracked at his words. The man who put that ring on my finger, who offered to take me away from this world that would never accept me, do I love him? 

“This life is not full of fairness, people like me don’t get to love- we get to either marry into a title or we fall into nothing. Love is a fairytale, it doesn’t exist.” I hardened my face, my entire body. He didn’t flinch, didn’t even look like he heard my words. He simply grunted, shaking them off with a shake of his head. 

“That's bullshit.” I felt his hands flinch, his fingers digging in a little deeper, as if he was scared I might slip away from his grasp. 

“You wouldn’t possibly understand, you have a title- have your future secure no matter what so you can’t say that it's bullshit-” I shook my head, feeling the fire light in my chest, erupt in my words. But he didn’t even let them touch him, he just cut me off. With words that shook me to my core, touched my very soul and silenced me where I stood. 

“I know it's bullshit because I am in love with you,” He stared into my eyes softly, and yet they pried into the deepest depths of my very being. Seeing me for everything I was, feeling every emotion I was feeling, hearing every racing beating of my heart, “I have never wanted this life, never wanted anything in my life but to escape. I have never wanted anything that's been thrown into my life, name, title, power… except for you. From the moment I saw you, I felt something that I have never felt before. I’ve read a thousand books and not one could describe the sensation that poured through me when I first heard your laugh, first saw your smile, first felt you touch… Ever since I met you, I cannot get you out of my mind, cannot think of anything or anyone else but you. I’ve never wanted anything more than you, I can’t escape you, can’t imagine living my life without you in it- I don’t understand how I've lived so long without you in the first place.” He stopped moving, stopping his feet from following the steps of the dance, the music was still playing, people were still murmuring but it went quiet. Everything that was not him and I was silenced, nonexistent to us. We disappeared into our own little world. And I was drowning in his words, yet ironically, I never felt like I could breathe any lighter. “I know you want to leave, want to run, but my heart physically cannot let you go. I cannot let you go. I don’t want this life if it is not you by my side living it with me… I don’t just want you, I don’t just need you, I am completely and utterly intertwined with your soul, my life isn’t mine anymore. My heart isn’t mine anymore. It does not belong to me. It belongs to you. And solely you. Because I love you,” I felt every ounce of the air in my lungs vanish, every ounce of my blood run dry, my mind went into a whirl as I watched him lower, watched him lean down on one knee, and reach inside of his jacket pocket. I felt my lips part, my jaw drop slightly in pure shock, but I was frozen. Stuck in his words, stuck in this moment, for the first time, feeling like I was truly alive, truly living, living for this, for him, for right now. “Will you stay with me, love me… Will you marry me?”