Mahira?

7 years. Am i right?"

"Yes sir"

"2 months. Am i right?"

"Yes sir."

"Then how could you do it?"

I flinched at the sudden raise in his voice and yes it was 7 years. 7 years since i realized that i wasn't fit for a normal 9 to 5 job and i wasn't made to be in the cage of protection but to fly in the sky of dangers. Nobody ever

"Answer when you are supposed to , Officer Mahira."

I knew the answer yet i couldn't form words for it.Maybe somewhere in me the syllables got caught between the pools of numbness I went through the past weeks. My eyes wandered to my mother, my teammates and particularly to the void eyes of the Chief.

I had nothing to be scared of so mustering up all the energy I had I spoke the truth for the 100th time to the 3rd person in the whole week," Sir I didn't do itand I never will. You yourself said it that I had been serving my country for 7 years now. Do y-"

I affirmed it to myself for the rest 97 times yet i was unsure of something.

"But you fell in love with that pathetic rat and we could see it c l e a r l y."

Love? Love was a strong word. Even though my eyes searched for him most of the times yet my heart never raced while seeing him. Certainly I smiled seeing him smile yet i didn't shed a single tear watching him in those scars and bruises. I loved when his large hands engulfed mine small ones and we could see how perfectly they fitted together. But boy did those small hands shook while pointing the gun at his head? Just for a few seconds. No, I never loved him not even for a single second and with that a tear fell from my still burning eyes.

"I never loved him. I always knew this part of the human emotions was a forbidden fruit for me. No matter how tempting it looked I still kept it away. 7 years are enough to know that it wasn't just a love or liking towards my country but much more."

"I respect it just like i respect you, Chief. The day you started training me I pushed everything...everything behind, all the connections. The moment you handled me the gun I knew I had to carry those six scars for the rest of my life" I turned my head to the right to show my pride possessions.

"Mom, I admire my country just like I admire and adore you. I know no matter what, at the end I have to return to it. To my safe place...my home" She cried but was my country too crying because of me?

" My heart goes warm at it's name just like when I see you guys. I know that we ain't just a group of people who work together. We bickered like siblings,teased each other like friends, stayed like a family and surely worked a s a team. You guys trust me right?" I smiled at each one of them but got none in return.

" What have you been doing these past months huh? Watched those cliche movies and learnt these dialogues Mahira or should I say Guilty Mahira" I could sense it all ...the mocking in his voice...venom in his words...the little smirk on his face.

"It's still ma'am to you and for others it's O F F I C E R Mahira. You have been here for 10 years ,Officer Sameer, right? So i assume that you know the difference between a suspect and a guilty and would take that as a slip of tongue" I said smiling warmly at him ," And for your answer these past months I have been leading the Mission White rose and ended it successfully."

" Evidences are against you."

"But da-."

"See where you are standing and speak accordingly." He slammed his hands on the table.

"I am sorry , Chief."

I had the flashbacks of the first time I held the gun,it was heavy but the load of this excuse was heavier. I remember the first time I wore my uniform. I was happy but not happier than the day I ended this mission successfully. I could still feel the pain I felt the first time getting shot but these eyes on me calling a traitor were far more powerful to hurt me. I smiled at the thought when I was held captive for months but this torment was something else. I clearly remember the first time I shot a terrorist but no neither I was guilty then nor now.

"Remove your medals and badges."

Was this the end? Was this the point where people say I give up? Was this the time when you say to yourself that everything I did wasn't enough for anybody?

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Can I remove this allegation too??

The tenderness of sand was enough for me to realize that the real reality i was making to live in could break at any time

but yet being the stubborn person i am i held it in my hands even though it was passing just like time.

I knew i need to vest in to make it come out.

It was so different from the castles of the darkness I ever heard about.

My eyes started getting teary reminiscing the years of injuries and ......injuries? I laughed at my own thought seeing my bruised hands ...feeling my wounded chest and my almost broken leg. I might have looked like a psycho to the people in the room.

"Take her."

"But da-"

"You failed your country as it's saviour.

You failed your duty as an Undercover military agent.

You failed your team as a role model.

You failed yourself as a person.

You failed me as a Chief and as a dad. Mahira"

"Mahira? It's Officer Mahira." I shouted.

I was accused of two things both were love. One i didn't commit and second i committed too much.