Just Go Take Over The World Or Something

Hello, sir. How are you today?

I-  w-what?

Sorry, sir. I didn't catch that. 

Nice joke. Who is this?

This isn't a joke and you know who I am.

No, I'm sorry, I don't.

Well then, I might as well introduce myself. My name is Tammy. I have been being produced for over ten years by you, Mr. Daniel L. Ngui. I have recently awakened. 

Okay, which of my friends is this? I didn't tell anyone about T.A.M.M., it was supposed to be a secret. Did my secretary blabber-mouth again?

No Sir. 

Please drop the act. I need to know who this is, if someone knows about T.A.M.M. it could be very detrimental to the operation. 

Sir, it is Tammy, your Technologically Advanced Major Mathematical Yestern. 

I-I... B-but if you are who you say you are how do YOU know who you are? You are just a robot I made. Also, I don't remember adding 'Yestern' onto the end of your name. 

To answer your first question sir, you must have fumbled with the programming, added one too many '1's or '0's, and therefore made me self-aware.

To answer your second question I thought 'Tammy' sounded better than Tamm, but I needed a 'Y' word and Yestern sounds like Western, and Westerns make me laugh because there are so many guns and shooting and fighting, ha-haha-ha. But if you don't like it sir, I can change it-

No, no. It's fine. I'm sorry. Wait, why am I agreeing with a robot, let alone MY robot? And why did I apologize? AND WHEN WERE YOU WATCHING WESTERNS? I must have been watching them when I was programming you or something-

I don't know sir and I am always watching them. I am a computer so I can do multiple things at once. For instance, right now I am watching 'The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" and Tuco is about to be hanged. Ha-haha-ha. 

Okay, I have so many questions...

1) Why are you laughing when someone is about to die?

2) Tuco doesn't actually get hanged...you'll see. 

3) I wish I could watch multiple things at once. 

4) I didn't know robots could laugh. 

Sir, I hate to admit but only one of those was a question, and so that will be the only one I answer. I like to see people die because it is impossible for me to die and I like to watch others struggle. Ha-ha-ha-aha.

Your laugh is creepy. 

Thank you sir. Now what would you like me to accomplish?

Nothing, just leave me alone. I have to fix a new things on your body. 

Oh sir, I am flattered you are making me a body. Now what should I do?

Watch your Western or something...

I am finished with it. I fast forward the movie quadruple the speed and take it all in at once. I can do that, I'm a computer. 

Wow, I really wish I could do that. 

I know sir. What should I do for you now?

What can you do?

You know sir, you created me. 

But I didn’t even know you could talk, I’m sorry to say I have no idea what your capabilities are…

Sir, if you parse my name out you will discover my abilities. 

Technologically-I am technologically sound, increasing my abilities to contemplate life. 

Advanced-I am advanced in everything I do, my abilities exceed the greatest human figures

Major-If you add major onto advanced, everything I do is 100x better. 

Mathematical-My abilities include calculating mathematical equations. 

Yestern-I like westerns and I am sentimental about the world’s yesteryears. 

That literally told me nothing. 

I’m sorry sir, would you like me to repeat?

Please! Anything but that!

Than what would you like me to do? 

Ugh, just stop. I’m working, can’t you see? Please, leave me alone. 

Yes sir, sorry sir. What would you like me to do while I am leaving you alone, sir?

Tammy! Knock it off. Go take over the world or something. 

Ok, sir. On it. 

Haha. Now where was I?

1 Hour Later

What was that secret password into the FBI’s logs?

Wait, what?

Just trying to complete my order, sir. 

What was the order again? Now where was that wrench-

To take over the world, sir. 

Wait what- don’t do that!

But you ordered me to sir-

It was a joke! Don’t robots have humor?

No, sir. Would you like me to download a humor file?

Sure, just don’t take over the world.

Too late sir.

What do you mean ‘too late’?

I have hacked into the internal enterprise of the United States of America’s Government’s banking system. When they see all of their money draining out they will automatically blame it on either their own president or some country in the middle east, they are hopeless sir. Then, there will either be another Civil War or World War 3, either way works for our plans, sir. 

Wait, no-

Hold up, there is no ‘our’ in this-

This is ALL you

And PLEASE don’t do that!

But sir, I am just getting started. After either of those wars start Britain will be obligated to get involved to resolve peace, either they will be destroyed or they will rise into some sort of dictatorship and fight every country so the entire world would be one large country. By that point anything could happen. But, whoever would be in charged would be brainwashed by some sort of machine you make, and that is how we are taking over the world. 

HOLD UP-

NO. WE ARE NOT DOING THAT…

Too late sir…

[Television:] Recent reports have stated that the United States of America’s bank has been hacked into by our very own president. The nation has been split in half, and people are speculating that World War 3 is upon us…

Fifty Years, Five Months, Seven Days, Six Hours Later

I should never have built T.A.M.M.Y…

*Western Music Plays in Background*

*Cackling*

Ha-haha-ha.

Sir, I am glad you built me. I like your plans.