6 comments

Fiction Sad Drama

‘Is that the one that took mommy?’ 

Eszti nodded as she looked up. The sky carried the orange glow of dawn.

‘Yes, that’s what dad said.’ 

‘It doesn’t look that dangerous at all,’ Dani whispered as he peeked at the tree that stood between patches of yellow grass, its roots surrounded by beer cans, cigarette buts, and empty crisp bags.   

‘Then why don’t you go there alone? I can wait here.’ Eszti lifted her eyebrow as she looked at her little brother. Something she had seen her mother do long ago when she called them out on their lies.

‘No, you must go as well. You always act like the big one, but you’re just afraid. A stupid girl who can only clean, choose clothes and make things look pretty. You can’t do any of the real important stuff.’

Dani wiped his nose with his sleeve.

‘I’m just trying to help out daddy.’

‘No, you are just being nice to him so he won’t get angry because of all your bad grades.’

Eszti took a few deep breaths and play punched him on his shoulder. 

‘Okay, I will help you, but you will have to carry the bag. It’s heavy. I don’t like carrying heavy stuff.’

Dani kneeled down and pushed his sister down as well. 

‘We must be careful not to wake her up. If she sees you, she remembers you. She always does. And when she remembers you, she knows where to find you.’

Eszti took a good look at the tree. Its branches stretched out far apart, like every single one of them was a skeleton finger that lured innocent people from all directions. The trunk had black marks on it, as if people had tried to burn it.

‘Stop making up things, it’s just a tree,’ Eszti said as she reluctantly followed Dani who was already tiptoeing across the field, dragging the bag behind him.

‘It’s true. I saw her when mommy was sleeping all the time. I heard her footsteps outside their bedroom and her fingers screech over my window. When I looked through the crack between my curtains, I saw her standing there. She looked right inside. She had dark, red eyes and a hole in her stomach. That’s where she puts the children she steals, you know. I was lucky I could hide under the bed before she saw me.’

Eszti took a few steps and inspected the tree from all sides. A breeze was playing with the shiny crisp bags, making them tumble over the dried-out soil. She noticed a circle of rocks with charred blocks of wood in the middle. A cloud of ash twirled into the air.

‘Look,’ Dani called. 

She walked over. He was pointing at one of the branches. 

‘There’s a robe there and it’s torn. That proves what I said. Somebody tried to tie her up so she wouldn’t be able to go out at night, but she just tore it apart and went anyway.’

He jumped and stretched his arm all the way up to touch the remains of the frayed rope.

‘I can’t reach it, it’s too high. Can you try it?’

Eszti shook her head and swallowed while staring at the branch.

‘I think it’s better to leave it alone,’ she said as she wandered closer. She found a tree hollow and put her hand inside. 

‘Don’t do that! That’s where she puts the children she takes. She will pull you inside!’

Dani looked at her from a distance. His little fist clenching around the bag.

‘Now you have to stop being silly,’ Eszti said.

‘It’s true! An old lady whose children died was buried here. After she died, her ghost started to take mommies and steal their children. Tomi told me and his father is a policeman so he knows everything.’

Eszti turned around, smiled at him, and put her arm around his shoulder. 

‘It’s a good thing we are early then. We still have all day until she wakes up and starts to hunt.’

Eszti remembered the final months.

‘Can you put Dani to bed? Maybe read him a story?’

She had looked up from her schoolbooks. 

‘Can’t someone else do it? Every time it’s me and he never wants to go. I always have to read him a hundred stories before he finally goes to sleep.’

Her father walked into the kitchen and leaned against the doorpost. His glasses on his forehead, his tie loosened. He rubbed his eyes.

‘You know I have to work Eszti.’

‘How about mommy. She never does it anymore. All she does is sleep. Everyday! Nobody else is allowed to sleep that much. She does nothing around here!’

‘Come, sit next to me on.’ Her father tapped on the seat next to him. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her forehead. 

‘You know why mommy is sleeping all the time, right?’

Eszti nodded.

‘Because she is very, super tired.’

Her father nodded.

‘Yes, but she is so tired for a reason. Sometimes when people are very sad, a big, black tree starts to grow in their stomach. When there’s enough sadness, it just grows and grows until the branches reach up to inside their heads where they catch all their happy thoughts. That’s when people forget all the nice things and become very tired. That’s what’s happening to mommy. The pills she takes are like tiny little people that try to cut the branches, so the happy thoughts can be released.’

Eszti curled up further into his lap and looked up at him.

‘But what happens if the little men can’t cut the branches?’

Her father closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘I don’t know Eszti. I really don't know.’

She had been the only child at the funeral.

‘It’s best if we leave Dani at grandma’s. You know how his mind plays tricks on him when he sees things he can’t understand.’

As she looked into the coffin, she was not scared at all. Her mother looked pretty, better than she did when she was always sleeping. She wore a colorful dress, red lipstick and she even seemed to be smiling a bit. The only thing that startled Eszti was the weird bulge in her neck. 

‘So…?’ Dani said as he wiped his nose and looked at the bag between them.

‘Yes, yes. You are right. Let’s do this.’

They squatted next to each other as Eszti undid the zipper to release the ax. The blade was covered in brown spots, the handle full of splinters.

‘You do it. You are the big, strong man. I’m just a dumb girl who can only clean stuff.’

Dani stood up straight and broadened his shoulders.

‘Yes, it’s better if I do it.’

Eszti smiled and stroked his hair.

She followed the trail the ax was leaving as Dani dragged it through the dirt. 

‘Do you think mommy would have left if the tree wouldn’t have taken her?’

Dani asked as he looked up.

‘Well, she was sleepy all the time.’

‘Maybe the tree also did that to her.’

Eszti laid her hand gently on his shoulder.

‘Yes, probably.’

She shivered as the blade hit the wood and a loud crack sounded through the trunk and branches.

September 30, 2020 13:07

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6 comments

Amber Lambda
19:32 Oct 04, 2020

I really liked the layers here and the imagery used mixed with the children's perceptions of it. The flashback was a little jarring in the midst of the action at the tree, but otherwise it read fairly smooth. Well done!

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Ramon Martensen
09:20 Oct 05, 2020

Hello Amber, Thank you very much for your reply! Glad you enjoyed it. I will see how I can give the character exposition or background in a way that doesn't break with the rest of the story.

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Vivek Sehgal
10:27 Oct 11, 2020

I agree with Amber too, but I think that UNexpected flashback adds to the punch of emotions

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Vivek Sehgal
10:25 Oct 11, 2020

This is brilliant and so abundant, you see. Firstly, the gothic style of scenery in the development stage adds to our understanding of the characters and their life, perception and all. The flashback has been used so effectively that I will take a note of it, it gives goosebumps and makes it even more woeful and hurting to read, the genre hits correctly. You are so amazing while writing that I surrendered to the story, the length, vocabulary and imagery are all serene. Thanks to critique circle to get me here. this story is full of em...

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Ramon Martensen
17:49 Oct 12, 2020

Wow, I feel humbled by your comment. It gave my little ego a boost after being a bit in a period of struggling to be taken seriously as a writer.

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Vivek Sehgal
18:31 Oct 12, 2020

That is so sweet of you, You surely deserve recognition :-)

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