Opposites Attract Nothing but Pain

In the corner of my eye, I catch dark wavy hair and an all too familiar smile, with the dimples and hazel eyes to match. And somehow my heart goes into overdrive, beating out of my chest but at the same time feels as if it has stopped altogether. There is only one person who never fails to elicit such a visceral reaction out of me and that would be Jason Davis.  

Some people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes, or however that song goes. We all know this, we’ve all been there or at least seen it haven’t we? Well, my wrong person is Jason Davis, and though he has been the one epic, passionate, and thrilling love of my life so far in my 26 years of living, we should never have been together. My therapist would argue that I’m supposed to be working on viewing that chapter of my life through less of a regretful lens but how could I? Sure they were the best years of my life, but having those come and gone, now I’m left with a hole in my chest that simply won’t close.  

The day I met Jason Davis I should have turned around and walked the other way, but for some reason, the universe had a whole lot of trouble waiting for me instead and my young, naive, 18-year-old self had no clue what was in store for her. Or maybe deep down I had some sort of clue but I just couldn’t turn away from that sweet temptation. 

It’s been 8 years since that fateful day in August and if I had a dollar for every time I wished I could go back to the girl I was before, I surely wouldn’t be stuck working this secretary job that definitely doesn’t pay me enough.

"Deep breaths," I tell myself, as I see the moment he clocks my presence and starts making his way toward me. 

“Well if it isn’t my favorite person, how are you Caylen? It’s been a minute hasn’t it,” Jason says as he goes in to hug her.

“Hello Jason, I’m good, and it has been a while, not nearly long enough though," she says as she pulls away from their brief embrace.

“Oh come on Cay, you know you’re happy to see me," he says with his signature smirk, dimples as deep as ever. "You’re looking amazing as usual by the way.” 

Caylen tries to hide the blush rising to her cheeks but he catches it and does an equally inadequate job of hiding his genuine smile. 

“We’re in town for a gig this weekend,” Jason says, gesturing towards his bandmates.

“Well, at least now I know to avoid going downtown this weekend. Anyways, It’s been a pleasure as usual Jason, see you hopefully never,” she says as turns to walk away.

Jason steps in her way, “ Cay wait, I’ve actually been trying to reach out, but I guess you changed your number?” 

Caylen pauses and looks up at him, “yup, you know those darn spam calls and all. What’s up?” 

He smoothes the back of his hair with his hand and looks down, pausing before replying. “Look, I know we didn’t end on the best terms and I wasn’t exactly winning any boyfriend of the year awards, but things are different now Caylen. I miss having you in my life,” he says, the playful tone gone from his voice.

That same heart palpitation phenomenon was taking place in Caylen’s chest as she tried her best to maintain her composure, only managing to get out a mix between a scoff and a laugh before turning to get out of the bar as fast as she could. 

Jason stands there a moment longer before turning to go after her.

He gets to the door of what used to be their favorite Friday night hangout before looking right and then running left down the street towards the parked cars.

He knew she’d be there tonight, he was betting on it. In reality, Jason had been trying to get in touch with Caylen Castro for months now, only to be very efficiently shunned instead. She had disappeared essentially without a trace, deleting her social media, changing her number, and leaving him no real way of reaching her. He’d even tried asking their mutual friends who it turned out hadn’t heard from her in quite a while either. What was with this girl? At this point he just wanted to know that she was okay at the very least, to know she was doing well. Maybe not well enough to be thriving without him but he loved her enough to wish her happiness even if it did not include him at all. So he had to get smarter about his approach and plan for the opportunity to happen upon the same place at the same time. When he found out that his band was set to play a couple gigs back in their hometown, he knew he would have to play his cards right. Not every day do you get the chance to tell your ex-girlfriend, who is effectively avoiding you at all costs, that you miss her and want her back. 

Jason rounds the corner as she’s walking briskly toward her car. 

“Caylen! Come on hear me out,” he calls out as he jogs up to her.

Caylen stops and looks back at him and then at her car, assessing if she should make a run for it, but ultimately decides to turn around instead.

“I’m not doing this again Jason,” Caylen replies way calmer than she feels.

“Cay I love you, there’s always going to be a part of me that’s in love with you, and I’m tired of pretending otherwise,” Jason says while looking at her sincerely. 

“Seriously Jason? Have you gotten bored with the groupies already?” Caylen looks up at him with the slightest glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“Caylen, come on you know it was never like that. You know the kind of love we had, it’s still there for me,” he says, slowly taking a step towards her.

A tear falls down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away with the back of her hand. 

“You might think you feel that way now, but what happens in six months when you get bored of me Jason?” She sneers.

“Or when some girl on the road catches your eye? Or what about six years from now? How could I possibly believe that you would commit to me and be faithful to me and love me the way I want to be loved after you haven’t shown me any example of that in the past? Yeah sure our relationship was exciting and fun and those will always be some of the best moments of my entire life no matter how hard I try to forget them. But at the end of the day Jason, we’re just too different,” she says as she begins to pace, looking everywhere besides his eyeline.

“You like living life on the edge and I like comfort and familiarity. You like taking risks and I like playing it safe. You like crazy and over the top and I like finding joy in the simple things,” she stops pacing and finally meets his eyes.

“The pain that I was left with when you were gone was excruciating. I hate myself for having to admit that it still hurts because I somehow still miss you, even after all this time. But I've finally got it down to a dull ache and I don’t have it in me to reopen that wound again Jason, I really don’t. I’m finally doing okay again and the last thing I need is you coming back and ruining all the progress I’ve made into getting over you.”

Jason looks away from her and there’s an unfamiliar sheen in his eyes that she can’t quite place. If she didn’t know any better she would think they were tears, but in all the time she’s known him, Caylen has never once seen Jason cry. 

He looks back down at her, the sheen turned to one unmistakable tear.

“Last year after my mom died, it changed a lot of things for me,” Jason finally mutters solemnly, wiping a hand down his face.

Caylen freezes, feeling all of a sudden as though gravity had started working twice as hard, pushing down on her body until she couldn’t possibly bear her own weight. Snapping out of it enough to catch her breath, she leans back against the hood of her car behind her. She slowly puts a hand over her mouth as what Jason said continues to sink in. 

“Jason,” she finally gets out, barely louder than a whisper.

“Jason I’m so sorry, I had no idea Cynthia had passed away,” she says as she feels tears threatening to fall down her cheeks, but she knows if she starts crying now she won’t stop.

Bewildered, Jason pauses before taking a step forward, lightly putting his hand on Caylen’s arm before putting his hands in his pockets.

“It happened a few months ago, her cancer came back and she didn’t want to do any more treatment. She went pretty quickly after that,” he says, not being able to meet her gaze before continuing.

“I’m sorry, I thought you already knew, that you would have heard by now. I tried to call,” he says looking away, feeling guilty for having sprung this on her and pained at having to revisit the tragedy of his mother’s death.

Caylen takes a moment to check if gravity has gone back to normal before getting off of her car and wrapping her arms around Jason.

She lets go and takes a step back, still reeling from the news and trying to gather all of the thoughts and emotions going in every different direction.

“Caylen I don’t want you to think I'm using my mom’s death as some type of ploy to get you back out of pity okay, I could never do her that disservice. But it is the truth that her passing put a lot of things into perspective for me. You know I always looked up to her for her strength and the way she raised us after my dad left. She showed me what it was like to be a dynamic person, so resilient, who can be full of joy and passion regardless of being in such shit circumstances. She was a ball of light and love my whole life, up until the end of hers,” he says, that sheen of tears returning to his eyes. 

“I haven’t done the best job at replicating the type of love and kindness she exemplified, but I want to do a better job at it and I want someone by my side who does so as effortlessly as you always have. You have always been a light in my life since the moment we met and I know our relationship wasn’t perfect, I was nowhere near it, but you never once gave up on me. You always believed I would make it, no matter what I ended up doing in life, more than I believed it myself,” he says smiling, his dimples on full display.

“You know when my mom found out we broke up she actually laughed in my face,” he says, chuckling at the memory.

“I was so confused, I hadn’t expected that reaction from her, but she said that if I didn’t appreciate what I had in front of me by now then that was something she had failed to teach me. I didn’t really get it at the time but now I do,” he says as his smile falters.

Caylen continues staring at the ground before grabbing the side of her neck and feeling the beat of her pulse thrumming quickly under her fingers. She opens her mouth to speak and closes it not knowing quite what to say yet.

“You don’t have to say anything now or make any kind of decision, but give it some thought. We’re heading out after the show tomorrow night but if you want to swing by before we go on we could talk a bit more? He says hopefully, trying to control the smile rising to his cheeks before continuing.

“Or you can just come and tell me to fuck off and never talk to you again, it’s totally your right to do so.” 

Caylen turns to hide the blush and smile that make their way to her face, she can’t help how he makes her feel even after all this time. 

Once she gets her emotions in check she turns back to him, no longer smiling.

“I’ve gotta go, I'll possibly stop by tomorrow night, but I'm not making any promises, so don’t get your hopes up,” she says, as she walks to the driver’s side of her car, pausing to face him before getting in.

“But I am really sorry about your mom Jason. I’ll have to go take her some flowers this week. Is she down at Evergreen Cemetery?”

Jason smiles faintly, taking in her beauty for a moment before responding.

“Yeah, she is, up at the top after the second turn.”

They smile at each other for a minute before Caylen gets in her car and drives off.

Jason’s smile falters as her car pulls away and he realizes she might not show up tomorrow and he might never hear from her again. He knows he can’t fault her for it but still hopes desperately that he’ll see her again.