Memory Lane

This story contains grief and broken family.

Memory Lane

People say that you can’t revisit the past but you can. That’s what a photo is. It’s a portal back into the past. When you stare at it you can be right back there remembering the moments of the day you took that very photo.

The laughter and the joy that went with it, or the tears, maybe the hugs that occurred before or after it was taken. The past is there right in front of your very eyes, just waiting to take you back to a part of your past that lives in memory lane.

***

Sheila loved looking back on photos of her children. Who had now grown up and left home to live their own lives.

When one of them came to visit she was always happy to see them, hearing all about the various adventures in their current lives.

Jake her eldest was now 26 and living with his fiancé Shona. Shona was expecting their first child. They’d decided to find out they were having a boy, her first grandson would be called Louis. She was extremely happy for them and was currently sitting on her sofa flipping through an old photo album.

She stopped and lingered on a page showing an old scan photo from when she had been pregnant with Jake. Staring at the black background and light image on the page of the album, she felt herself travel back in time.

Back to the day she had been on the hospital bed waiting for the sonographer to check the baby on her screen.

Martin (Her first husband) was there holding her hand while they waited to hear the news. He was looking down at her lovingly and she was smiling up at him. It was one of the happiest days of her life, she’d never felt so completed as she had on that day.

The sonographer was rolling the scanner around her lower belly warming up the initial cold of the jelly as it moved around back, forth, around in a circle, back again. Then stopped and pressed down a little harder rolling on a particular spot. Then she had turned the monitor screen to face them. Showing them what she was looking at. They both looked at the screen in eager anticipation as she said.

“You’re having a healthy baby boy, all looks fine congratulations Mr and Mrs Smith.”

The tears of joy had rolled down her cheeks at the news. Martin spoke next asking

“how do you know it’s a boy?”

“If you look on the screen, this white area here shows the genitalia”

“What that little laurel leaf means it’s a boy?” Martin had exclaimed.

“Yes”

“Wow, that’s quite a big laurel leaf too.”

Sheila and the sonographer had laughed at his description together. While he carried on checking out the image on the screen. His head tilted to the right trying to figure the image out.

Back on her sofa Sheila laughed to herself quietly now.

“Oh Martin! I really do miss you” she smiled to herself, a small tear forming in the corner of her eye. She dabbed it away tenderly with a tissue.

Three years later she had lost him to cancer.

***

Jake Morris-Smith was looking at the family portrait of Sheila, Tyler, Lola and himself on the hallway wall, his arm around Shona.

He was telling her how he’d grown up with his stepdad and sisters father Tyler Morris, for a while.

Until Tyler and Sheila had got divorced after his affair with Tracey, (his new wife) seven years ago.

Tyler had tried to say his sister Lola wasn’t his daughter and was in fact Bobby Lane’s from Sheila’s workplace. This was his excuse for cheating on Jake’s mum.

It had all upset Lola deeply (who was 15 at the time) to hear her own father say she wasn’t his.

When she’d insisted he do a DNA test with her he had refused. They hadn’t spoken since. But Jake kept in touch with both Lola and Tyler.

“That’s why I have to decide if I want my sister or my stepdad at our wedding.

If we do invite him, Lola just won’t come at all and I really want her there Shona.”

“Is there no way they would agree to putting their differences aside for you? Just for one day”.

“Would you if it was your Dad and your sister?”

“Well my Dad would never do that to us. If there was any question on his father status he’d still see us as his daughters. Even if we were someone else’s.”

“Then you see my dilemma darling.”

“Yes I guess so! I would say invite Lola, your stepdad will have to accept that he’s caused you a difficult situation.”

“Yeah you’re right as always darling.”

Jake kissed Shona on the top of her head staring at the last family portrait they had done together.

Jake had done his usual trick of trying to avoid the photo. His stepdad had used the usual bribery, do this for your mother and I’ll treat you both to macDonalds.”

“Jakey please I want a macDonalds please Jakey” Lola had begged fluttering her eyelashes up at him.

“Ok fine as long as I can have a Big Mac I don’t like silly kids meals anymore”.

“Deal” him and his stepdad had shook on it while Lola ran around screaming.

“MacDonalds for dinner yay yay yippee”

Jake grinned at the happy memory. Tyler had always been good with him even though he wasn’t his son. He sighed to himself

‘it’s a pity he hasn’t stayed so good to Lola, but then she’s just as stubborn as her Dad when it comes to being the one who’s right’.

He hoped one day they would be able to sort their differences but also knew deep down it would never happen. If he’d been Lola he probably wouldn’t have spoken to him again either.

***

Lola was travelling home on the train with her friend Shaniece. Who was coming to stay with her for the half term break to celebrate her 20th birthday with her family.

“Time for a selfie” Shaniece said putting her phone towards Lola. Who instantly leaned in towards her, putting her head against Shaniece’s. They both pouted their lips into the duckface pose as Shaniece snapped her phone camera.

Lola was instantly transported back to her tenth birthday. She had been given her first mobile from her parents.

The first thing she’d done was ask them to take a selfie with her. They had all looked at the camera and taken a few selfies together consisting of smiles, duck face pouts, tongues sticking out and her parents kissing a cheek each, while she giggled and snapped the phone camera button.

That had been her last fun birthday. When she’d felt truly loved by both her parents.

After that her parents had started to drift apart right in front of her. She noticed her mum working longer hours and her Dad out drinking more. Sometimes with his mates and sometimes not. The nights he was out without his mates she thought were nights alone. That was until her 15th birthday, the day she had learned the truth.

He’d spent the last two years meeting up and starting a whole new life with Tracey. He wanted a divorce. Claiming her mum had been having an affair first, with her work colleague Bobby Lane who she’d known since college. That was apparently why she had been working late. According to her Dad, they’d always had a thing. Since being together in college, and he was actually her real father.

She remembered the venomous tone in his voice.

“Lola is not even my daughter she’s Bobby’s and you know it Sheila.”

Lola had burst into the room angry with her mother for doing this to her.

“ Mum tell me it’s not true is someone else my father? I have a right to know who my father is”

“No honey your father is right in front of you, trying to find someone else to blame for his wrongdoing. When maybe he should put the blame where it actually lies”. Her mother had left the room upset and furious.

“ Dad what does she mean?”

“Nothing Lola go finish your homework, I’ll come and see you at the weekend.”

“But you said I’m not your daughter?”

“Because you’re not! I tried to pretend you were, but you’re not. So I’m going to live with Tracey and my real daughter but she’s still your little sister and you can meet her soon”

That statement had stung sharply, her stomach twisting and turning like a butter churn, tearing at her insides and stretching them further apart, creating a solid dark lump in front of her heart.

Lola had been beside herself, when she’d had an idea.

“Daddy why don’t we do one of those DNA tests together? I might still be your real daughter too, then I could get to know my new sister and stepmom and maybe live with you?”

“No! you’re just like your mother, tryna manipulate me. You’re not mine! You never was. There’s no point sugar coating it. I know you’re Bobby’s. I don’t need a DNA test, you’ve got his blue eyes. Your mum and me have brown eyes. There’s your DNA test right there, you should have brown eyes too.”

“But you’ve always been my Daddy, I love you! Please don’t leave Dad don’t go.”

She had never known him like this, it was like he’d been possessed by something cruel, he shattered her image of himself completely when he lost his temper, taking it out on her.

“Stop calling me that! you’re not mine anymore than your brother here is. I’ve no reason or duty to you. I’m sorry kid! Life is harsh, if it’s any consolation I did love you, but I just can’t look at his eyes anymore. Nor believe the bull about you having your grandmas blue eyes. The DNA test will only prove I’m right and I won’t put you through that I’m sorry. You can still come and see me, Tracey and little Gemma any time you like. I’m just hurting right now. I’ve gotta go Lola.”

“Jake take care of your little sister for me, here’s my new address”.

He’d handed Jake a piece of paper and turned to look at Lola one last time. He looked angry with her, she couldn’t figure out if he hated her, she certainly felt like he did.

“Dad we could still do the DNA test, I really might have Grannies eyes.”

“Lola honey I’ve said no, let that be the end of it”.

With that he’d left taking her shattered soul along with him.

Lola had decided then and there no one would make her feel so small ever again. She also deemed never to have any children of her own. She couldn’t destroy them like he’d destroyed her.

She’d given herself a goth makeover and vow of silence apart from necessary conversation. She left home a year later after a blaming her mum for allowing her Dad to hurt her like that.

At the time she had no idea if this Bobby really was her Dad and she didn’t care. She just wanted to rely on herself. She’d moved in with some college friends, then onto university halls.

She still had friend groups from both. Shaniece being her best friend, having been through everything at college and university with her.

She did keep in touch with Jake and had recently started talking to her mum again, after one of her friends had lost their mum. From this she’d learned that Bobby was 100% not her father and much as he denied it Tyler Morris was 100% her father. She knew it wasn’t her mums fault. Her mum had confirmed. No affair had occurred on her side, especially not with Bobby. He was gay and had a lovely boyfriend from college who she’d also been friends with for years. Bobby was literally an old college friend who she viewed as a brother. Lola’s father was just shirking his own responsibilities.

She was looking forward to seeing her mum again and letting her into her own secrets that she thought were best done in person. She had missed her so much.

***

Sheila was both excited and a little nervous about seeing Lola again after 5 years of her being away from home. Their relationship hadn’t recovered properly and still needed a lot of work.

Before Lola had left home they had hardly had a relationship at all. Lola just wouldn’t talk to her unless it had been a trivial topic. No matter how hard she’d tried she hadn’t been able to get through to Lola. So she had let Lola move out when she requested it, not long after her 16th birthday. She had no idea if it had been the right thing to do but thought it best at the time.

Since then things had been very strained between them and she’d relied on Jake for news of Lola until recently. When it had been good to talk to her herself over the phone finally.

She flipped further through the photo album to the last photo she had of Lola. She could feel the sadness in Lola’s beautiful blue eyes, which were the double of her mothers own eyes. She had gone from looking up into those eyes to looking down at them. The blue was heightened by the black eyeliner Lola had around them and the black top she was wearing.

Sheila remembered Lola walking into the room. Sheila had flipped up her phone and pressed the button before Lola had a chance to say anything. She wasn’t smiling just looking stunned and stunning at the same time. Her heart ached for her daughters missing years from her life, but she knew they could at least have a future together and that’s all she’d ever wanted.

“Should I get the door mum?”

“Oh yes please Jake” I’ll go put the kettle on would you like one Shona?”

“No thanks, I’ll come grab a glass of water and my Polaroid camera. I’m sure you’d like a family photo together again.”

“That would be lovely Shona. Oh I haven’t seen one of those for years, but I always loved the instant photo from them.”

They could hear from the kitchen, as Jake answered the door.

“Omg Lola it’s been too long and who’s your friend?”

“Hi Jakey, this is Shaniece my besty”

“Oh so this is Shaniece lovely to see you in person, Shona will be pleased too.”

“Shaniece?” Sheila asked filling the kettle and switching it on.

“Oh yes she’s been Lola’s rock since she left. You’ll like her… Is that Lola and Shaniece I hear” she added leaving the room to go and greet them.

“Shona, oh my goodness may I”

“Of course he’s gonna be your nephew Louis Wade-Morrismith. A bit of a mouthful I know”

“I’d knock off the Morris and call him Louis Wade-Smith if I was you, Tyler Morris doesn’t deserve the honour, he’s no relation to us. He stated that himself seven years ago.”

“Oh Lola honey it’s so good to see you.”

Sheila embraced Lola who did the same in return.

“Hi mum, now I know you insist Tyler Morris is my father but I’m no longer his daughter, I’ve had my name changed by Deed-pole to Lola Norton after granny.

I hope you don’t mind me using your maiden name? I figured I was blessed with her eyes, shouldn’t I also be blessed with her surname”

Sheila put her hand to her gapping mouth, tears welling in her eyes .

“Oh Lola honey that’s so beautiful, granny would be so happy but it doesn’t change your past.”

“I know mum, but it does change my future.”

“I have a surprise for you all, I hope you don’t mind but I met someone, his name’s Nigel. I invited him to come and meet you, but if you don’t want to..”

“Mum that’s great you deserve to be happy! Doesn’t she Jakey?”

“Of course she does.”

Ding-Dong

“Oh good that’ll be him now.”

“Hi Nigel”

“Hi here’s Some waif and stray I found hanging about”

“Well do come in”

Sheila walked back into the room with Nigel and a red haired man holding twins.

“Well everyone this is Nigel and…”

Lola walked over grabbing one one of the twins

“Mummy mummy”

She turned back to the room.

“This is my other big surprise to you all. I’m sorry Jakey but I’m gonna have to steal your thunder on first grandchild and grandson. Mum this is Tommy and Tammy. Jakey, Shona meet your niece and nephew and everybody this is Russell my partner and the twins father..”

Before anyone else could answer there was a loud click. Everyone shot a look round at Shaniece holding Shona’s Polaroid camera. As the photo rolled out of the front of the camera she said .

“Surprise everyone”

Handing the photo to Sheila she added.

“A new happy family photo for you to put in that album.”

“Thank-you ” Sheila said looking down at the past in her hand, created just moments ago.

She smiled, nodded at Shaniece. Adding it to the album, she then carefully placed it back onto her bookshelf. Slid nicely between love and war by James Hewitt and past and present by Thomas Carlyle.

“Now were are my two gorgeous grand babies Tammy and Tommy” she asked turning towards her family again. They were already cooing over them. Except Lola who came over wrapping her arms around her.

“Mummy needs a hug first” she said nuzzling her head under Sheila’s chin.

Sheila wrapped her own arms around her daughter and kissed the top of her head. Just like she used to do in the past.

The End